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Dec 2012 · 551
For Bukowski
Emily Dec 2012
For Bukowski
he's down for the count
face marred by age
or misery(though no difference)
he sits alone at the bar
alone
for now,
he remembers -
find a 50 dollar ***** tonight.

worth 50? Hell,
he'll give you a hundred
(call it compensation - emotional distress)
because money is dirt
that **** means nothing

life is poverty
when madness is wasted.

"Christ," she said
"you're useless," she said,
"I'm old," he snarls,
"we're all ruined."
he chugs and chugs
to burn and burn
all great men rage.

he crawls to his death bed

and dreams a beautiful dream that God,
or someone,
would save him.
Continue reading...
Nov 2012 · 1.5k
One Yellow Sock
Emily Nov 2012
One Yellow Sock
She slipped on her most prized possession;
one yellow sock (the other worn til its end).
Her mother had fancied them at the market
and gave her daughter
something
to call her own.

Cultures clashed,
she had caused trouble in the tribe
bringing in foreign customs
but she had thought it foolish
to not be proud of what she
owned(even if they were yellow socks).

Now she watches her own daughter dancing,
pink sandals strapped on tight,
she thinks she will teach her daughter well-
perhaps as an American might.
Continue reading...
Nov 2012 · 2.1k
spring cleaning
Emily Nov 2012
spring cleaning
I'm lonely, I say.
Grow up, You say.
It's 4 a.m. and we have no answers
only questions
only cares
so we **** instead.
except I cry
and it ruins the mood.
you light up and wait
wait for me to finish
it's not the first time I've done this and yet
you still stay.
just keep pretending you don't care-
                  and keep cleaning like it's your job.
Continue reading...
Oct 2012 · 546
The Last Letter, part 1
Emily Oct 2012
The Last Letter, part 1
Ma ya home?
I called
and
knocked once.
nobody
answered though

and I thought
maybe
that drunk you met
from
AA
would answer.

he didn't,

probably busy at the bar
toasting to
Jesus
slurring about the
piece of
***
he scored
on the way back
from
AA.

you're right,
he is a catch.

but no worries-
don't call
back.

it wasn't
important
anyway.
Continue reading...
Oct 2012 · 842
i love lullabies the most (i think)
Emily Oct 2012
i love lullabies the most (i think)
i wake in the morning
though never from sleep,
rather
shaking off demons
that live in day dreams.

crawling –
               crawling –

worms in my head
i shout
“get out!”
get out.
i weep,
“get out
-please out.”
You leave.

no-
not You, never You.
i’m hysterical.
i’m content.
oh well,
oh well.
no one said this made sense,

simply convenient -
we need to forget.

i scratch at myself,
i’m dead.
i drown.
i don’t own my mind
a darkness surrounds.
it murders my soul,
what will i feel? what will i be?

nothing.
i’m nothing.
a slave to disease,
i hide under covers,
this sickness I’ll please –
or else..
… what else?
what more can it seize?

victims screech from the street.
lullabies.
sinful sweet lullabies,
they sing me to sleep.
Continue reading...
Sep 2012 · 471
This Woman's Work
Emily Sep 2012
This Woman's Work
"A woman's gotta work!"
                              mama always said.
"Fix a good meal, fold your clothes tight,
wake to make your bed every morning,
and know how to treat a man right,"
                              well I don't cook.
                              well I don't clean.
                              and I certainly can't make my bed,
                              but I did learn one thing from mama
                              cause you know what she said,
"A woman's gotta work!"
Continue reading...
Sep 2012 · 912
Like Jay and June
Emily Sep 2012
Like Jay and June
There was once a small town in Texas
who birthed a lass named June.
June stayed at home
and June felt alone,
but Texas was all she knew.

Then came the day
that June met Jay
who was beyond that town.
They packed in the night,
pulled out of sight
and left without a sound.

Years had passed
and the couple moved fast
but June need move no more,
cause Jay found a home
where June's never alone;
that's what love is for.
Continue reading...
Sep 2012 · 539
What Shall Become of Me?
Emily Sep 2012
What Shall Become of Me?
The coast shakes
quakes
falls to crumbles.
People cry
over those who die,
souls stolen
in the wake of earth's destruction.

Alas
love pulls us together,
replanting roots unbroken;
we begin this life anew.

But.

Lucky are the soulless
who've left this world unseen
as it's my single skeleton
that lingers under me
(I was your last act)
(a tragedy scene).

In the wake of your destruction
I'm ***** and unclean,
And because of this,
I shall know no other end,
than to hopelessly exist ---
as there's
no reconstruction.
no humanity.
Continue reading...
Sep 2012 · 326
Untitled (is my name)
Emily Sep 2012
Untitled (is my name)
his heart gave way
to the present ghosts of past
inexplicably brought forth-
but never again
shall he be conquered.
he merges as one with Earth.
Continue reading...
Sep 2012 · 382
You Never Called
Emily Sep 2012
You Never Called
you woke with a fright
to find you were not sleeping
the lies, you're lonely, it's filth
is seeping
into open wounds unmended

pack your bags
you're leaving
to where you do not know
but does it matter?
you say anywhere is more than this,

tell me you'll call when ready
call when you've found your own
Continue reading...
Sep 2012 · 475
The Pledge
Emily Sep 2012
The Pledge
I see my older sister cry and I know it isn't fair,
I would take back the words,
                     words you couldn't bear.
I'd say it ain't your fault
but ya stepped up to the plate
without a momma to love
and a daddy to hate.

Such an independent woman but you're lonely and you're hurt
-Takin' care of a man who be turning other skirts-
So this is my pledge, I promise today,
I'll look out for my owns,
don't waste your worry my way.
Continue reading...
Sep 2012 · 411
Lessons from Jon
Emily Sep 2012
Lessons from Jon
Sure sweet thang
I'll love you.
But only for today.
I'll put you on your feet,
let Daddy show you the way.
Tonight come home with me,
or you'll learn quick little girl
the love men want ain't free.

But soon after the sun is up
and the shield of night is gone,
you'll find you've learned too much,
and I'll be moving on.

Love,
Jon
Continue reading...
Aug 2012 · 596
The Break Away
Emily Aug 2012
The Break Away
When I was a child,
I learned quite young
That most of our actions
are what the above
call "sins"
(direct orders from the Lord).

Young at 22
I learn how to fly.
Escape my reality
(and deem the needle worthy),
I brace for the rush-

but then

my mind stutters, my heart flutters.
I see my father cry

-Nothing could've taken away that high.

And grown at 31
I lie in this bed
and look at the woman
whose head
rests naked on my pillow.
Do I pack up and leave?
Should I wash my hands clean?

But again I fall to temptations,
succumb to sensations,
that shake their beliefs free from my core.

Ma and Pa spit words
of hell and sin
but my oh my,
and much to their chagrin,
my sins make me happier than I've ever been.
Continue reading...
Aug 2012 · 498
For Fred
Emily Aug 2012
For Fred
I sit and I ponder -
I delve quite deep -
What life, is up yonder?
What is possession? Who do we keep

in our hearts? Or more to the point -
Who do we leave?

I'd imagine heaven is crowded
(well I'd hope at least)
so of course there's a limit on
the guests you bring? "Oh God please

reconsider! I have many I love,
so may I ask one wish?
One wish for above?
Let me bring my poor mother,
my sisters, my friends,
but above all Lord,
please make room for my best fish Fred!"
Continue reading...
Aug 2012 · 600
Defiance (Bring Back the Past)
Emily Aug 2012
Defiance (Bring Back the Past)
The stranger presence of ancient
cemented with rumor.
Most had gone -
(deserted in fact)
since the banishment of old,
but
he had found the way.
He belonged there.
Gradually,
others reached the same conclusion
and bit by bit,
the story emerged.
Continue reading...
Aug 2012 · 406
Jane Doe
Emily Aug 2012
Jane Doe
smashed and fallen
                       (she's gone crazy).
what she calls home,
no longer there.
shaking through tears,
her old refuge now cut off,
all she knows is
                       orphaned and alone.
Continue reading...
Aug 2012 · 327
The Story of Pa and Ma
Emily Aug 2012
The Story of Pa and Ma
father had gone to war -
returned
                  someone else,
working.
slowly healing himself.
It was years after
he regained his strength
but lost his mind,
that a young woman came,
and,
was able to understand.
the little schoolmistress fell in love.
Continue reading...
Jun 2012 · 553
Night of "128" (112)*
Emily Jun 2012
Night of "128" (112)*
They sit me down in hopes to reveal,
or God willing, an attempt to heal
this diminished girl once pure.

She used to be so bright and sweet,
Now the victim of her soul's retreat
into a sick and shameful mind.

Good cop, bad cop; they want my weight.
I lie on instinct - 128
(Lord forbid I'm honest).

Guiltless for her demons today,  
It was not us who led Eve astray -
our righteous Adam proved true.

At me, she yells. He cries, I cringe.
I wish there was room for all my sins -
but I ate lunch 'round noon.
this is based off an entry in my personal journal I kept during struggles with an eating disorder.
Continue reading...
Jun 2012 · 544
Regrets
Emily Jun 2012
Regrets
I am a mother,
I am a daughter.

I have sinned.
I have shunned.

I learned from my mistakes,
I learned from the best.

It is this life I've repented,
It is this life I've repeated,

forgive me.
forgive me.

I am your mother,
**I am your daughter.
Continue reading...
Jun 2012 · 549
The Transparent Woman
Emily Jun 2012
The Transparent Woman
Amiss unoccupied air lies
Twelve bedrooms, ten baths, 8,000 square feet.
"She's rich," they say. "Spoiled as can be.
Come to think of it -
                 she has everything she needs."

Behind closed doors she prays for the day
This deafening silence just might speak.

"Silly little girl,
Who taught that it is love you need?"

Next time you judge this privileged life,
Ponder that little girl who grew up unseen.

Yes, she's been spoiled.
Spoiled as can be.
Continue reading...
Jun 2012 · 431
Autumn
Emily Jun 2012
Autumn
You appear to me as colors do
(Showing affection by the seasons)
But who am I to question change?
(Knowing Nature has her reasons).

We know this warmth is wasting
(It's drifting from our grasp)
Tension peaks her hinting head again,
(We dread the day she lasts).

Coldness creeps between us
(It's growing day by day)
I cannot bear this in between,
(But always in Autumn we stay).
Continue reading...
Jun 2012 · 433
heaven at night (feeling so right)
Emily Jun 2012
heaven at night (feeling so right)
Two bodies at peace.
And though separate limbs,
In sync their hearts beat.
Curled to his chest, it's natural -
his rhythm lulls her to sleep.
In              ...             Out.
UP.
down.
            ba boom -
                        ba boom -
they breathe.

Silence searches night skies,
For answers of the unknown future -
but rest assured, the stars say all:
         Right here they're meant to be.
Continue reading...

— The End —