I don't know how this is suppose to happen or go
I don't know what I'm suppose to know
because I know I can be good at this
I know I'll do well
I know I can love you out of your hell
Maybe.

Because you're tall and you're handsome and you like to read books
but some nights you lay on my couch and cry.
and I want to help you let go of some lies
like that you're not good enough, because you are
and that you're ugly because of your scars.
But we're making some progress.
You'll be okay someday.
Maybe.

Some nights you'll laugh until you cry
and sometimes you'll cry until you want to die.
Some nights you're carefree
and some nights you're careless with that razor
which unfortunately burns at me
like a hot poker
and it hurts more than if you chose her
but you didn't.
You picked me.
Maybe.

Or maybe you settled
because you couldn't find better
and believe me I'd let her
if she took you away
Because I love myself, just like you said
but if you left
I'd stay in my bed
with you in my head
and you'd call and apologize
and maybe I'd believe you
but maybe you couldn't convince me.
Maybe.

I've been trying to convince you that I love you
and I've put all my eggs in this basket
and I've given everything left in it
and you've given me everything left in you
and that's enough.
Maybe.

But you've given your treasure and your gold
and you gave them the power to mold you.
Then you gave them your heart and some pills
and they gave you some cheep thrills.
And now you're empty
and with me
so not alone.
Maybe.

When I was little I was so scared of the dark
that sometimes they would lock me in a dark room
and I'd cry.
Very similar to when others locked me in their room
and I cried.

You asked me what happened
and I never told you
that I made a fort with the blankets afterwards
because I thought it was a game.

Once you said you felt guilty for kissing me
because they made me
and it made me feel worse
than them actually kissing me
but not as bad as when things got worse.

"What did I do with my hands?" I asked when I was 15
"Mostly kept mine out of your clothes" he said when he was 16
"Oh".

When I first met you I was too shy to say hello,
I just hid behind my brother.
And honestly, I never thought you'd find comfort in the hands of another
So I was surprised to see you at a park with her where you two shared a first kiss
Only four months after a year of us falling apart.

When I first met you I was too shy to say hello,
and for a while you were the only one I could be honest to
so let me say honestly I wish I could hate you,
but I sat where you kissed her
and could only feel red.
It wasn't quite hatred and it wasn't just fear,
It was the realization that you would never be here, where I am, falling apart, looking for a place in your now vacant heart.

When I first met you I was too shy to say hello
But now that you're gone I've let it all go
all my fear and hate the fact that you were the first to date.
The fact that after a year you already picked her out.
But, hey, at least now I can shout.
I can tell them about how I didn't mean a thing,
that even though I love you, no longer do I feel the sting,
that without you around I can finally stand up without that feeling in my gut that I'm just not good enough.

When I first met you I was too shy to say hello,
and let me say I'm proud to be your first kiss
and don't be surprised that you're no longer missed.
I only have one page left to talk about you,
about the pain and suffering you've put me through.
I promised myself I wouldn't produce another book, you already have enough for a shelf,
full of  "I miss you", "I love you", and "Please come back",
well let me tell you now, I'm worth way more than that.
Let me tell you about how I found another boy who can open doors, they're not that rare,
and I'm glad I can say the way you treated me was poor and now I don't care,
so don't think for a second I want you back and don't think that I'm a broken shell with cracks,
because you're thinking of me back then when I was 12,
before you made my life a living hell.

Look at me now because I stand tall,
you can try to push me down but I will not fall.
So here it is the production of me and you,
and for your part I'll find someone new,
but I guess I knew I had to form the start.
So let me rewrite the words and decide what's going to be heard.
I've got this part covered
"Hello, my name is Emilie and this is my brother"