I was born with the biggest eye sockets the nurses had ever seen, but unfortunately my eyelids weren't even
Because of genetics, or from a Hispanic superstition my mother told me, I have uneven eyelids that make me take pictures with my left side because society told me to find my good side since my whole face wasn't good enough
Wasn't pleasing enough
or wasn't beautiful enough
That lasted about the first 11 years of my life
Then I met a boy in California who said my eyes were so big and so brown that my eyelashes reminded him of spider legs because of all the coats of mascara and black eyeliner I used to compensate for the lack of evenness, and how the color of my eyes reminded him of brown sugar cookies his grandma use to make him when he was sad
That's when I fell in love with myself
In love with the fact that my eyes were described to be the size of the moon with or without make up
How the brownness in them turned darker with rage,  jade when calm, and a honeysuckle color when in love
I fell in love with the way my eyelashes touched my eyebrows on a daily bases
And even whenever I cry, I still love the way my eyes can tell someone how I feel better than words do
To this day I don't know what that boys name was, but I thank him
For reminding me that my faults, even the slightest ones make me unique
make me beautiful

Her names such a sweet thing
She's kinda ***** but innocent
Her skirts are short but always has shorts underneath
She wants the night to take her body, but
Her heart longs for a church boy she met when she was 7
She's scared of ***, but wants to make love
Her first love was five years older, he had a  harley and smoked marlboros
She played piano and said grace before dinner
Her mom hasn't seen that moon tattoo on her back, her dad thinks she goes off to study literature at the library
She meets with Dan her Harley boy and they kiss on old route 69
Her hearts beating fast
Her thoughts start to blur
Her first time
Her church boy
Her piano recital
Her moon tattoo
Her mouth on his Marlboros
Her back is arching
Her heart it racing
Her body is shaking
Her mommas mistaken
Her daddys forsaken
Her grace is being taken
Her heart keeps on racing
Oh!
She's only 17
Oh, but her names such a sweet thing

when he was born, God knew his divine timing would be slower
like the way roots grow in soil-stability is his safe haven
with the energy of this earth guiding him
protecting him
shielding him
and putting walls around him. he quickly learned
slow and steady would be his saving grace

when he was born, the world knew his gentle mind would mature quicker than his heart
a mere child with wishful thinking and endless hope in ideas of Santa clause, and one day going to space

he is, but a simple Taurus man now, who I have fallen hopelessly in love with

a Taurus sun, Capricorn moon and rising, awakening with
my Leo sun, Scorpio Moon, and Virgo Rising
i cannot help but see the beauty in his soul
even when he cannot

his hands were not made to fight, but to hold my heart that i selfishly put in his hands
he still somehow said "i won't hurt you"

he was meant to create, and discover the mysteries of the universe through his touch

he's gently undressed my mind, seen the chaos
witnessed the whirlwind of my soul
and showed me how to slow down the tornado that was my spirit
into a gentle breeze that cools us after we make love

his arms are strong to protect me from anything the world throws at me
yet he carries all my sorrows, and pain
into the endless abyss of all the hurt and trauma the world has given us, and yet he chooses to help me toss out mine before his

his mind, a galaxy of thoughts all on its own
his soul travels everyday through Mercury, Jupiter and Venus faster than the speed of light
and comes back to earth to help those he loves

and although his walls are made of concrete
the water i am made out of has slipped through just enough
to poke his heart, look at his soul through his obsidian eyes to say

"hello"
"how was your day?"
"can i ask you something?"
"are you okay?"
"what is a star made out of?"
"what's your favorite food?"
"what was your mom like?"
"do you want to watch anime together?"
"you can do anything you believe in, i believe in you !"
"angel numbers are real, honey"
"kiss me"
"do you want to go to your room?"
"keep going"
"i'm so sorry"
"i love you, so much"
"do you want to go shopping"
"you love me?"
"i love you too, i love you so much"
"we'll do this together".

In a dark mind enclosed by his own morbid thoughts lied a man I feel in love with , not because he could rule with an iron fist and terrify whoever he chose , but a man with a sensitive soul wanting to be loved and to love. His own ways of affection were light, gentle pats on my back, a stroke of my cheek, and helding of my hands as we layed down as couples do. I asked him once why he didnt grasp me when we were alone, caress me more in our private meets and he said his world is full of death and macabre that he didnt want to taint the only light of his life. So I held him more. I caressed him as we were one, I would whisper sweet nothings into his ears and reassure him that springs ends soon, and that I would return to my true home. My dark knight, he shines so bright in my eyes, no one could ever love him the way I do. No one.

It was a long time ago. But thats when I started getting feelings for him. And they were just tiny ones. Like the way he smiled or laughed or just spoke but now its just the way he is that amazes me. I love his mind. How he thinks. We're both two different people with opposite thoughts and i know i dont know everything there is to what he knows but it works. I feel like we fit each other like a puzzle that neither of us knows we're making. It sounds so poetic but sometimes you can't help who you fall for.

I have never felt so alone until I stood next to my best friends, now lovers
Jealousy wasnt the issue, no
What I thought were feelings of falling in love were really just sibling love and care for both of them
But, as time passed on and I watched the world continue on, I realised that, Love isnt meant for everyone

Because in todays society it seems like the only ones finding their "other halfs" and I quote, are idiots too ignorant, too stubborn, too childish, too plainly dumb and inconsiderate that I am beyond SHOCKED that those people are hopelessly in love. No...

It isn't fair. Really truly, for those of us that work hard to better ourselves and are passionate and educated, and to have to subcome to loneliness, it isnt fair.

For those of us that have been fortunate enough to know love, only to have lost it, have it taken away from us...it just isnt fair.
There is no guide to how to properly grieve, how to move on after you've lost the love of your life. I guess thats just something they'll choose to ignore


So as I look at my two dear best friends, hopelessly, endlessly and stupidly in love, I can't help but smile and be happy for them.

For although I am told I'm far brighter than so many from my youth, I can't help but admit, that I'd give all my brains, all my beauty, just to have someone hold me.

Have you ever passes someone and uttered not a word
There is no hello, goodbye, not even a look in the eye
Sad doesn't describe what I feel when you'd walk pass by me
My world use to be filled with fun and glee, but not it's regret and pain that fills me
We cannot blame anyone but ourselves
We destroyed something peoples wished they had
And some people only get this once
Going from sleeping all day, and staying up all night
But now everything ended with some stupid fight
I know it's over and everything's changed, but some hearts just never mend.

And how you ignore my every attempt to see your face,

hear your voice,

feel your tough..

It’s been years,
upon years, of emotional torment

And the thread tied between me and you is severed now


But I can’t help myself but to ask,

Why do you do that?
Why do you consistently show your soul to me in my dreams, only to ignore me, make it obvious you don't want me,

and more than anything

Why do I keep thinking you’ll come back to me?
Do I even want you back?

Sometimes I wonder if all those little quotes about love, loss, heartache, and all the things that make us human are true

How “if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be”.

Thats insane ! That torture!
Thats inhuman to ever make anyone think it’s okay to let another live their life, and you sit patiently for them as yours goes by.

I loved you, very ******* much
I let you go, for many ******* years

But you never came back.

Was it really all my fault?
Did you really need to replace me so quick?

My mind knows now I don't want you,
I don’t need you

But my heart matured slower. It still thinks love is you, it feels that love is only you.

All it remembers was your safety, and feeling that your love was once
You gentleness
Your humor
Your touch

But that came from a boy who still didn’t know how to love someone, did it?


So why does my mind run back to you?

And where are you now?
Where have you gone/
Are you safe?
Are you happy?
Are you in love?

Do you feel the tug and pull on our connection too?

Does my soul drift into your dreams at night?
Do you ignore me then?

Am I still the same hurt, damaged, and unstable girl you met all those years ago?

Why did you ever love me back then, knowing all that I was, all that I’ve been through, why give me hope that I can be loved as I was,

To then turn around and call me crazy..


Our love is a distant memory,
one where the candle is just about the burn out.

All I ask of you, is to please not turn it back on. Let the love die, don’t be curious anymore, and let me cut the string between us.

Leave it up to the universe where our lives take us.

And if we ever meet again, I hope for you to see how healed I’ve become.

I hope our encounter in this world or the next treats us better. How we live out our dreams just as we spoke about all those sweet, naive teenage years ago.

I hope you learn to dream big,

I hope you are well,

This is the last time I will ever dream about you.

Goodbye.

My second semester of my first year of college was intense. I felt like a failure, insecure, and doubtful if what I was going after would bring me happiness. Until I witnessed something. Something beautiful I hardly ever see with today's young generations in relationships. As I sat at a table studying my sign language homework , a young couple sat before me studying as well. One of them seemed distressed, so the other put their arm around them and said, "It's okay, we don't have to get married right now. I know things are hard, and having your family there means a lot to you, so lets give this some time". They continued to talk about there financial situation, family, school, and how our finals were coming up. Then one of them said, "I'm sorry about fighting with you last night, I just felt so overwhelmed. I didn't mean anything I said last night". In which the other replied " I know, and I forgave you right after".
Those two individuals were two young men who seemed to be in their early twenties. They did the same things thousands of us do every day, but what made them different was that defined others dismiss in vows once said, "For better of for worse". And they weren't even married yet. They're holding onto something others take for granted everyday. The love, and devotion, and understanding that I saw left me speechless...
It made me think back to my first love, and how we once had plans about our futures, but as I stated before we just took it for granted.

Who ever said giving out flowers on valentines day was cliche are wrong, because to me they were our world
A metaphor on what love really is
because it starts off small
a seed waiting to be touched by the skies tear and lifted buy the suns rays
that's how our love formed
you met me when I was still just a small seed
the day came when you felt comfortable touching me, and saw that i was waiting for someone like you
two months passed by and nothing had grown, until something happened to make the sky cry for me, but you lifted me up with your rays of sun
and we grew
into a flower with its own unique color
and we were strong too

They will tell you that it is the purest thing you can be, because you are born with an innocence that is meant to be savored until you find your one true love, your soul mate.
But that doesn't always happen.
Because sometimes in life you can't help the way you feel about someone, even though you're only 16. And it wasn't  even love you were looking for. Sometimes all we want is to feel another warm body against ours, making us feel safe, secure, and alive. We want them lusting and craving every inch. Even if it means not having them help you get dressed afterwards, sometimes all we want is just a blissful time.
Sometimes life is unexpected, and for some of us, whether we wanted to or not, had the only thing that we could call ours taken away from us. The one thing we were saving for our first love was gone. Because sometimes life is just too cruel and we aren't strong enough to fight back. We were the unfortunate ones.
But sometimes we're lucky. And we find that person who makes life worth it. We meet them at a concert, they compliment you and you aren't really sure wether it was sincere until they show sincerity. You go out for coffee and talk all night about your dreams and aspirations. And in less than one week you knew they were the one. The one who would undress your thoughts and spread your heart apart to see and hold you in a state of vulnerability.  They would set your body on fire by the way they told you "I love you",  and an ****** was the warmth that ran through your body when you embraced. Because sometimes, losing your virginity doesn't mean having ***, but having someone see you at your most insecure moments and still find you beautiful as they make love your mind and soul.

Prelude to Introduction

We live in a world where our selfishness reaches a point of wanting immortality. Something that has been forbidden to us by a God who promises a better life will wait for us in the next life. Yet there are those who deceive the word of God, and chose to live by their own means of rules, unaware that they are only human, and vulnerable to one of God’s greatest creations. Death is a taboo topic in different parts of the world. Every culture deals with their loss differently from the next. When death comes into the lives of people they always seem to forget that the life of their loved one could have not been created if it were for the opposite of death; Love. Truth be told that the opposite of death is considered birth, but even before birth something had to have created that being before it was even brought to this world. Love has to become a factor when creating new life. As society continues to view these two as bitter opposites, there are those few who understand that the beauty in life does not exist in the way a person wants to life their life, but by how it is given to them, and taken.

When Love & Death Embrace

        What is the meaning in life if the essence that created it, is affiliated with the being that will end it? Why are we breathed in life, only to have it taken away from us? Can it be that we really aren’t meant to live forever, and death is doing us a favor in stopping what ever suffering we have? Can it really be true that out physical life must end, but our whole being will move on to an even greater life? One where love promises life will never end, and we thank death for this new life? Is Death our mother learning to let go of her precious child called Life? Is our father Love who created us through his seed of care?

When Love looked into the eyes of Death, he did not know what to say. For he had fallen for Deaths large, noir, orbs like a foolish romantic he was. Death was not someone people believed to be beautiful, but in fact she was more than beautiful. In a way, she was almost unreal. Unimaginably perfect, that any man would fall for her look of morbid grace to his death bed. The black hooded robe that everyone spoke about were actually her jet black tousles of wavy hair that ran past her whole body as she walked, framing her thin, pale face and physique. She was dreadfully tall that one could only imagine how long her ebony locks were. The stereotypical scythe that held the reputation of fear was actually just her long walking stick she used because…she was blind…

Love did not know exactly why he found Death so appealing. Maybe it was the way she carried herself. Unable to see the people in front of her, but still able to walk with grace towards those who have met their time. Maybe he was just infatuated with her appearance. He could't help but find her morbid, macabre state…warming. But if Love were questioned what it was he adored about Death the most, he would have said her smile, not missing a beat.

It was in her nature to not display any kind of emotions towards others, yet when he was in her presence she couldn’t help smiling with him. Her small, pouty lips were the only thing that has any color in them. Red, the color of romance and affection; the color of blood and deception. Because that was what she was. Love was okay with that…He heard her laugh once. It was random, and completely unexpected. But ever since that day he’s tried to make her laugh every time they would meet. He would even settle more a small chuckle, as long as he heard it from her. It was haunting, and hollow, but inside he knew she wasn’t empty and she wasn’t haunting. All she needed was love.

      The time had come for their reunion. Although they had been together just moments ago, to Love it felt like years had been put between he and Death. He always looked forward to these encounters, yet he still dreaded them. He knew that every time he would meet Death it wouldn’t be for a friendly chat; Death was going to rip his heart out.

Love: It’s nice seeing you again…how long has it been dear? Two weeks maybe? Haha.

Death: It feels more like two hours. Then again what do we know about time…it’s not like I’m a heavenly angel, or God.

Love: …No, you’re not. But then again you aren’t the devil either.

She stayed silent, not sure of how to respond to such a dramatic and confusing comeback from him. He always did this to her. Every time she would lash at herself with the worst of comments, he’d always say the opposite…She didn’t know whether she liked it, or if she was supposed to hate him for it. She didn’t even know if she was supposed to hate anyone at all. Death was always curious about Love’s actions. Ever since they were created he was always this hopeless romantic who was too hopeful in mankind's ability to remain faithful for his own good. He spoke about everything in such a blissful state that Death found herself enchanted by his words from time to time. The optimistic he was compared to her pessimistic. She couldn’t help but wonder if opposites can really attract. Because right now as he stood before her about to die for the infinite time he smiled, and that always pained her to see.

Death: Why do you do this to yourself…why do you let this happen to you every time when you know you can always tell God you’re tired of getting broken every time this happens…why do you let yourself die Love…why do you let the love die?

He smiled at her, and she looked away. **** him. **** his bright smile that made everything okay.  Why couldn’t he see that it literally hurt her to do this to him…She looked up, because she felt something different. Instead of a bright smile she always felt from him…she was met with broken, tired eyes, and a bittersweet smile.

Love: Nothing is meant to last forever dear, not even us. Thats why…when we have to end it, I always look forward to seeing you again. Even if it took a day, a week, a month, or even years. You and I are inseparatable. We’re made for one another darling.

He closed the distance between them, taking her in a warm embrace. If only she could see his face. His angelic, perfect face. Her white eyes could only see a dark outline of him, but even with that she knew he was beautiful.

Love: God really knew what he was doing when he made us. Opposites by fate, yet destined to be lovers. God’s a pretty good Shakespeare isn’t he? Then again he did create him too.

Death could only laugh at his witty thoughts. For once she realized he was right. They were destined to be lovers, just not always together. She guessed thats what it must be like to be a human too. Not everyone born spends their life with their first love. She sort of thought her situation was like that, but it wasn’t either…With the distance they shared coming to a close, Love couldn’t help but get lost in Deaths large pale eyes. With their faces only inches away Death brought their lips together with her cold, thin hands for life’s most bittersweet kiss.
Love: Until next time, my sweet Death.

Death: Until next time, by everlasting love.

In the event of life’s misfortunes, there will be two things that will always be a part of life. Love and Death. Life cannot be created with the absence of love, nor can death keep the balance without the existence of life. Love will forever continue to create life as long as Death continues to let it go. The two things that people can come to fearing the most are histories tragically, oldest soul mates that can never be. Love will always be understand, and Death will always have to let the love go, and Life will continue to be their children they must learn to set free for a better life.