Disappointed.
The only word ripping through my thoughts
Never Enough
Always reaching for someone else
Trying to change me
Trying to change my everything
and I comply.
but it is still not enough
Expectations grow as i change
Making happiness impossible...well their happiness
They are breaking me...emotionally, mentally
I whither away.
Hardly any of me shows through anymore
Careful no to let them see my weakness
For surely this is a fault as well...
Just another to add to the list of imperfections
I put on the mask
The smiling one that I know too well.
Of the pretty and happy girl in her perfect smiling world
Behind it I weep and sob
I am broken.
All truth i knew about myself is being crushed
Suspicion and mistrust enter their minds when I speak.
And I sit pouring over my thoughts
Attempting to make amends which just provide more ammunition for them.
But in the back of my soiled mind I know they are right not to trust.
I am poison
A toxic mind and deceitful soul
the good that was there, at one time, is gone.
Or perhaps out of view? or Reach?
It must be there
I pray that it is.
If not, I may as well be gone...
yes. Perhaps that will be better

There is this fella...
He smiles at me with those blue green eyes and sees my soul
And  when he touches me and my heart skips, knowing he is near
He is a fantasy that is true, a fairy tale made real
And yet he loves me.
He has the heart of a poet but the fire of a million suns
And with everything he says, I want him more
All of my thoughts that used to make me feel alone he understands
He knows me.
He makes me have a feeling of such freedom.
As if whatever we wish to happen, we can do, together
He is an adventurer
He takes my spirit and embraces it
When we are together, we are all that matters
Chasing life as children
Never with true purpose, but with sheer joy
He has my heart
It terrifies me, but I have no control
He can never possibly know what he means to mean
He has changed me.
I will never look at life as I did before him
He is embedded in my soul, at the very core of everything that I hold true
I love him.
There is nothing more to be said.
In every conceivable sense of the word I undoubtedly love him.
It is not an ephemeral state of being
Nor a mirage that is fleeting
What we have is what they speak of in old love stories
That promise that will withstand time
I could not imagine life without him
I dare not even try.
He is mine and I am his
And that is all that matters.
I love him
And I forever will.