He lays back again for the third time that night
"How am I here, again?" he would ask himself
The sweat the sinks deeper into the pours and drips down into his mouth from above him
"I think I like being here
I ask for it, I agree to it
Isn’t that enough to convince myself?"
Why would he come back under a different intention?
He should have tried harder to listen to himself
And the uncertainty that lies there
Are you fulfilled, young man?
Is this who you are?
Under disguise of young woman
But you couldn’t tell him that could you?
Your chest is sore but you know what you are
But it’s only you

Oh how I heard it in the nighttime
Soft waves that breech the sea and fall onto land gracefully and with the will of thunder
I stand there taking it in
Miles ahead it is black
In there is the beginning and the end and all you feel is a fear but you stay standing ankle deep
Could you not bare yourself to move?
Could you not take yourself from the cliff you now stand on?
An oceans shelf ahead year by year reaching closer to you
You came into the water knowing what it was becoming
What comes forth to the quiet beach at night
And the faint hiss of the foam and the unseen creatures whose presence caresses your being
For what in the night slumps in the corner of your vision waiting for something more?
And if you look forward into that ocean, is it really there? Will it crawl on its hands and knees to you?
What is worse in the end
And no matter how many times you ruminate it coming for you
Your heart it lunges forward at the image
Unstill like the water surrounding

Who am I to say goodbye
When you’ve gone and lost your mind
I’ll be sitting waiting for you to crawl to me

Down back to hand and knees
I just want to hear one “please”
I’m tired of waiting, yearning for something to come

Why did you cry alone that night
When you could have found that light
Leading towards the stranger I’m slowly becoming

Tender child, what was pulling at your strings?
Thoughts like a cicada’s summer calling
They swelter in the damp heat
And the buzzing unnoticed by others, faded into a white noise

Garden rose, are you scared to lose your thorns?
Far too distant to be surrounded by the thick air that sits heavy in your lungs
And exhaled with the same force as the sun reigning above
Summer it slouches in your absence