I woke up this morning with the initiative to fall into the arms of a nervous lover;
The ideal lover.
I had the ambitions to succeed,
and I almost did.
I almost discovered that new light within me.
I had my coffee,
dark as usual;
Pretending I was drinking it with you.
I completed my homework,
because you know how much of a procrastinator I can be.
Actually, you don't.
Most would not be able to accept me at my worst,
for I have not yet learned to accept myself.
Some say I am a natural born intellect,
and I wish it were true.
I yearn for it to be true.
Placebos can be pretty convincing, you know?
Like what I form of myself when I am around you,
the kind of clay that can be formed and reformed into whatever you please.
I would gladly be anything you please.
When it comes matters of the heart,
I can be fairly childish.
You understand,
because you can be to.
You're nervous around me,
and I love that about you.
It is cute.
Yes, cute.
Intensity is not a necessity.
So, time is on our hands.
All we have is a looking glass,
darkened coffee and a looking glass.

Mild blisters,
create their own balm.
Everything heals.
Everything is as exactly as it is meant to be.
You are fearful,
I understand that.
Why though?
You have blisters,
this is obvious.
Blisters create their own balm,
and as a fellow human-being,
I love you.  
You will heal.
Don't let insecurities discern you.
Everyone doubts what gives them strength.
Breath.
Take it in.
Your life,
you have one.
Live it.

I dwell on what nostalgia could have left me behind.
Living in ignorance must be much better than living in this dull, dull world.
Believe that there is a thick line between curiosity and cruel intentions,
I do.
Still being a young girl--Who undoubtedly convinces herself she is wise beyond her own years,
you must wonder;
'Why is she so tired?'
Just a young, stubborn girl.
We have the tendency to create our own problems, our own mistakes.
We are human, it is the norm.
I just believe that maybe a far-fetched world  safe with idealism is my utopia.
Sadly, in places like this utopias cannot be reached, nor achieved.
We teeter around like robots, always sore from the same routine;
With no knowledge of how--or when, we will break through.
Does change even exist here?

Why is that when I catch your eye,
you quickly look away?
Do you lack the closure,
the confidence?
It pushes me,
to wonder
about
you.

It is only in the state of galvanization,
do I realize what it means to be impervious in youth.
I have a father who stresses to me this:
"Happiness is elusive."
This is the kind of statement that must be swished around in the mouth,
only to be spat back out.
"Happiness is elusive."
It is cause for concern,
really.
I will do my best in order to refuse to believe it,
to believe him.
Happiness is achieved through discovery.
I think that I may have once had a sister (in my recollection she was very pretty).
I was around her whenever it was deemed possible to do so -- it honestly wasn't too often that I could.
In the very nooks and crannies of my childhood,
if I could fall back unto the natural sublimity of it all;
I do recall that I had a sister.
Her features must have been youthful,
from what I remember she was no more than inexplicable.
If it were not so ambiguous,
I might feel more inclined to speak with her again some day.
The past is a scary thing.
I feel pain in thinking of the lengths behind me,
for what I have cultivated is sour.
Recently a good friend accused me of this:
"Being a recluse, spiteful, selfish person."
Her notion both confused and throttled me,
and only afterward did she speak in such a fervently aural tone:
"That is o.k., you're only human after all."
This is the very comment that sliced my being into a duality,
leaving me to write poetry in order to attempt to find higher acceptance.
Wisdom is a well, funny euphemism for delusion;
And in my youth I am impervious.

More than anything
I hope that you're content
in this time to come
I hope that
the sun will illuminate your vices
and that the moon still reflects upon
your mystery with a stare that threads silver
and I hope that
no person ever
shatters that ego
because it is what you're built upon
I wish you growth and realization
so I am glad you left then
if it means you're content