//

Burning
out brighter than the rest.

Trying
hard but it ain't my best.

Dying
may hurt but I'll finally get some sleep.

Wishing
on a group full of stars.

Clearing
my mind, my soul, my heart, my palms.

Piercing
skin.

Destroying
all in my life that is beautiful.
If I write a beautiful essay I must burn it.
If I continue to do so I must chop off my hand.
If I have a beautiful friendship I must end it.
If I have a good looking haircut I must ruin it.
If I'm getting good grades I must ditch.
If my parents start to trust me I must sneak out.
If I start to sober up I must drink mouthwash.
If I start to love myself I better **** up more gloriously than all before me.

Recently, I have fallen asleep desiring never to wake up.
Recently, I have been waking up desiring going back to sleep.
Recently, I have found myself thinking more and more of you.
Recently, I have discovered that I think less and less of her.
Recently, I have wondered what it would be like, to be with you.
Recently, I have dreamed of you and I of you and I of you and I.
Recently, I have not been as sad.
Recently, I have been happy.
Recently, you.
Recently, you.
Recently, you.
Recently.
You.

My heart beats at a standard pace.
Sitting here on my bed, nothing is real.
You're face crosses my mind and that standard pace becomes a rapid clip.

I wish you were here, so I could hold you close.
I wish you were here, so this aching would cease.
I wish you were here.

I pull this old blue hoodie over my head, tie up these frayed laces on these old boots and began a journey.
I step out the door, breath in the cold November air and smile.
I see your car parked in the lot next to my house.
I see you leaning on the hood, also smiling.

On the ride to the park the rain picks up.
Neither of us have an umbrella so we decide a cup of tea from the local cafe will be just as nice.
It really doesn't matter to me, I tell you, I'm here, right now, and so are you.