ember

ember Aug 9

Words can't be held, contained,
bottled up or taken back.
They can be too much or not enough,
Either felt deeply or stopped short,
never reaching the brain or heart
after escaping the lips into the ear.

My words always seem to be blocked
by walls and mountains and oceans
of other words, spoken or unspoken.
I want to say, set my words free
because the song of the caged bird
is my song too,
yearning to migrate into the souls of others
toward kinder horizons.

They almost spilled out once,
and I almost told you
I'm not okay
but I knew your heart
would not hear the low frequency
of my song.

ember Jul 30

almost seventeen

Aging is beautiful,
They say.
But then look for ways to get rid of
wrinkles and gray hairs and shaky hands

I couldn't wait to get older,
To be able to drive and vote and drink
For love and choices and freedom
To come out of my chrysalis like a butterfly...

I'm 16, almost 17.
I can't drive or drink or vote,
But I'll be on my own soon
If not already.

I look for ways to get rid of my flaws, too.
Only, I still end up unloved and ugly and hidden.
I don't want to grow up or grow more.
I never even thought I'd make it this far.

Aging is beautiful, until you start
to hate yourself.
The only way to get rid of my flaws
would mean never reaching
Seventeen.

ember Jul 30

ghost

They're trying to sabotage you
Wear you down and strip you piece by piece
Until you're nothing

Steal what makes you unique
And pretend it was always theirs,
Like you had nothing.

Take all your color
Take all your music
Take all your words

Till you have nothing left.
And you're just a ghost

I am a ghost.

You made me a ghost
And you know this.

ember Jul 29

who is he

it's foreign to me,
to not be heartbroken or obsessed.

there's not a single person
that's constantly on my mind
every second of every day of my life.

nobody in particular to think of,
when i pretend i'm being held at night,
listening to the sad breakup songs i once related to.

it's strange, not painting my nails anyone's favorite color,
or doing my hair or makeup for anyone like i used to.

now, if i were to think of a "him"
not a single specific person would appear.
and neither would those feelings of hopeless longing.

ember Jul 29

White noise

I can still hear the waves in the distance
Though now hours and miles away.
Used to be at my fingertips but never
Something I could grasp.

Its comforting, sometimes
To be surrounded by a powerful force,
Deadly, if you let it overpower you.
It tells me to stay calm, and I am, arent I?

Because white noise drowns out the other voices
Not my voices, but yours
Talking to my deepest voice
Maybe white noise can paint over the black silence?

Slow songs and soft voices
Sweet melodies and lovely harmonies
Words too true, going too deep
If it wasn’t for the white noise
Drowning out your voice,
However many miles away,
I can never reach you.

ember Jul 29

Vibrancy

Sometimes things get too much
People get too loud
Lights get too bright
Emotions get too deep.
Even the clearest skies
Have stormy clouds across the globe.
The prettiest flowers, reaching for the sun
Will eventually droop and dull and die.
The bird's songs will quiet
When they leave for warmer, kinder temperatures.
Snowflakes will fall and blanket the ground
Hide the vibrancy of life with the deadly cold.
Green and blue and yellow and red and pink
Turns to white and gray
And black at night.
At night, the color of life is nonexistent,
Cold and dead and silent.
Heart beats and breath slows,
Quieter, white noise drowning out soft exhales.
Lack of life is peaceful, in a way.
Calm and quiet and cold,
Like the harsh beauty of winter.
Vibrancy is too distracting.

ember Jul 29

flying

she threw me away
she wasn't even trying to hold on
at least that's what it seemed like

i feel like a balloon
when i'm inflated, i can fly
but i'm not free

she's the child holding the string
curious to let me go
to see if i would fly without her?

so, she let me go,
loosed her grip on me,
and set me free…

up up up i go
and when i look down,
i see her looking up

watching me fly…