im sick man, im ******* sick. sick of all this ****, all this pointless ****. all of these pointless people going through pointless motions to fit into this pointless mold to impress more pointless people that somehow make it to the top of this pointless, glorified, sick, pyramid of societal expectations. maybe when those pointless people that actually can do something about this, about our situation, are cured of their blindness, they can see what needs to be done in this pointless, glorified, sick, pyramid of societal expectations. so maybe we can start breaking ground instead of our skin, and so maybe we can stop this cycle of thinking where its okay to throw up our lunch, and so maybe we can do something about that kid who jumps in front of that train so he can escape the pointless people who are making pointless jokes about him because of his sexuality. come on now you pointless people at the top of that pointless, glorified, sick, pyramid of societal expectations. are you up there? are you listening?

i just wanted to let you know how great you are and i know I've told you this so many times before but i don't know last night i just really realized that wow i love you. i don't really say i love you lightly or very much even but when i do i really mean it. and last night when i looked at you i saw what i wanted to be in my future. i saw this incredible face made up of incredible thoughts looking through those incredible glasses! I'm simply ecstatic that i can call you mine. i flirt with a lot of people usually but when i get into a good solid relationship you dont have to worry about me straying. when i find somebody that i can say i love you too I'm not going anywhere. with you, i don't want anything else. just being with you can brighten up my day so much. I'm sorry you had to go through or are going through anything that takes away the brightness in your eyes or makes you not want to do this anymore. i am so sorry because you do not deserve that. I've been through a lot of **** too and i get most things believe it or not because I've experienced them! i want to be here to support you and make you happy and not make you sad so if i ever say anything that might be triggering or anything just let me know! i want to help you!!! i love you so much i just want you to be okay and i want you to be happy and i really hope that i can make you like that for at least a little bit. long story short, i love you like i love cats and chipotle COMBINED. you're my boyfriend and i like that :) also listen to make it right by the narrative i think you would like it.

I'm sorry about last night i was so tired and sad and frustrated and i said things i didn't mean but i couldn't fix them when they came out of my mouth and i was too tired to try. when i get like that it would really just help if you talked....about anything like your day and what your doing and every little thing that bothers you but if you don't want to its okay I'm okay. and do you think when we talk on the phone you don't do other things (like watch tv or something) I'm so so so sorry if that sounds like I'm asking for too much you just never seem to pay a lot of attention to me when we talk on the phone and it just seems so pointless. I'm so so sorry I'm a mess and I'm not like i was I'm better i think but I'm working on it if you don't want to its totally okay I'm so sorry its okay I'm okay....im okay....im okay....im not okay.....

whoever is reading this, whoever is listening, I am going to tell you about what some of us will come across in our lifetime. it is about the red lines. those ******* red lines. those ******* red lines do not just "appear". they are put there by the minds of the bodies that they litter. no, they do not want them to be there, for they think that they are some what of an imperfection. however, they are nothing of the sort. those ******* red lines are what some of us think we need to help us grow, to get through tough times. although when the red lines disappear, in their place comes silver lines. and those silver lines are beautiful. and those silver lines are valuable. and those silver lines are truly made of silver, they make our skin more interesting and even stronger than that whiskey you picked up last night. and these silver lines on my thighs and my wrists and my shoulders and my hips are the things that make me who i am and i ******* love them. i love my silver lines.

I would much rather have people say they need me than they love me. "love" is a word that is used too much and often in the wrong way. people can fake all of the "I love you"'s. but they can't fake the "I need you"'s. when you tell somebody you need them, it conveys that they are a necessary part of your life and if they are gone you can not survive. I, not only want you to want me, but I want you to need me. I want to become a necessary element of your existence, you already are of mine. this need is more powerful than that love ever could be. when you tell somebody that you need them, it's sad. it's so sad when it has to come to the point in persuasion where you are begging for somebody to stay that this phrase "I need you" comes out to play. you are in such a state that you cannot control what little spark you have left and you are forced to realize....wow....I need this person in my life. only when there is the threat of losing them you realize, "I need you". and wow, I need you.

when i say that I'm sorry, i really mean that. i mean that i am so sorry but sometimes i say it so much to where the person i am talking to is sitting there like, "emma, come on, stop saying sorry." what i mean is that i am so sorry about this and i am so sorry that i have this imperfection that people find ANNOYING. i can't deal with myself when i find myself thinking that. its just that, i am SO sorry. for everything, and when i say everything, i really mean that. i am so sorry for even existing to take up your precious time with my talk of "sorry". i am so sorry that i was born and i am so sorry that you had the unfortunate luck of getting to meet me but i am just so sorry that i am the way that i am.

I think that young love is so sad. Whenever I see kids who are really in love, not the fake cookie cutter ****, but the real, deep, passionate kind, it makes me sad. I begin to get sad for them because even if it is the real, deep, passionate kind, it isn't going to last into adulthood. I wish it would but I know it won't. Nothing lasts in the years where we don't care.

say i love you, kid. say it. scream it. put your head out the window of her car and scream it. say it often, but do not let it lose its meaning. say it when you need to, not when its only what they want to hear. say it when you mean it, say it when it comes from the pit in your stomach where, if you dug any further, you would be physically pulling your heart right out. say i love you, kid. say it. scream it. tell them, tell her. don't wear it out. say it from the darkest blue in your favorite song. say it from the lightest pink you can see in the sky. say i love you kids, say it not to hear it back, but to remind them. let your love grow, and do not let just anybody into your secret garden. after all, it is our little secret. let the flowers become tall and let them drape over your walls for everybody to see and when somebody comes and tries to pick those flowers for themselves, do not let them. do not let them make you any less beautiful than you already are. because saying i love you, kids, is what we all need. say i love you, kid. tell them, tell her. say it. scream it.  because when you know that nobody said i love you, you can see their flowers. their flowers are not for themselves anymore, they are for all to see. they are the ones that pour out of your veins and on to the bathroom floor. so kid, say it. say i love you.

fill my lungs with sweetness, fill my eyes with beauty, fill my head with bees, fill my stomach with butterflies. can we go where the fields are painted gold? can we go where the grass is made of memories that were never said? the whole world is asleep, but my whole world is you. could i write this in a letter? could i see you tonight? come over, and let me be close to you. this is all i need to be happy. let me be close to you in spirit, in mind, in heart. let me be close to you and we can sit and stare. let me be close to you so we can pick peaches off the trees to fill our empty baskets. can i be closer?

hello? is anybody there? is anybody listening? its cold man, its cold in here. i don't know why I'm crying but my sleeves are soaked and i can't do this anymore. cover your face and try to find yourself at the bottom of a plastic cup. put a record on. don't cry. don't you dare do it. don't you dare start to feel like this again. but maybe you were meant for this? why is this happening? when are you not okay? tell me emma, WHY ARE YOU NOT OKAY???