not the kind of pain that tickles and pokes
but the kind that knocks you back a few feet when it hits
&
rips the air out of your lungs
like the few moments of excruciating pain you feel when you stub your toe or clamp your hand between a door
it's an unexpected kind of pain
& your nerve endings can't help but become overwhelmed in pain

it's a greedy kind of love
the kind that takes and takes and TAKES
it slices you open, not enough to be fatal but just enough to bleed
&
that's all that's left for you to do,
                                                           b l e e d
this love bleeds you dry,
it takes all that is you
&
leaves nothing behind
nothing for others to identify you by
it leaves nothing for others to
                                                           s a l v a g e

it's a suffocating kind of love
like a horrible case of claustrophobia
the walls seem to be closing in
the world is getting smaller
the air is getting thinner
&
you watch for a few painful seconds as you lay there gasping for life
clawing at the walls like a trapped mouse
aware that you are dying
aware that there you are utterly helpless to stop it

a love whose purpose is to cage
not treasure
it boxes you up
&
creates a world that composes of only two strong arms that feel more like a prison than comfort
they bind
&
enclose on you

it's a love that should know when to stop
but doesn't
it's a never ending cycle of violence
of heavy fists
&
relentless kicks
then sweet kisses that act as apologies
trying to soothe the pain
&
then whispers  
"I'm sorry, never again. I promise."
words that you know not to trust

it is a love with no way out

It starts off with a whisper,
a slight ruffle,
like a summer breeze moving through tree branches,
a few twisted words that slip from loose lips,
that's all it takes to stir up a hurricane of chaos

     Hey did you hear?

whispers that evoke labels
&
discrimination
as if they magically grant everyone permission to poke and ****

              ****              *****                    b­itch                   worthless
                            ugly          loner        ­  ***             ***

these twisted words lead to stares that burn holes with the heat of their intensity
&
pointed fingers that judge,
&
condemn

      Did you hear about what happened?! You won't believe it!

they lead to giggles
&
laughs brought on by a sick satisfaction of entertainment found at the expense of the agony of another

     Oh my god, isn't that her?

they lead to tears behind closed doors
&
ends with nothing but
   *painpainpainpain

I am

      quietly going insane,
      a victim of a hundred sleepless nights,
      a concealed chaos,
      composed of a thousand masks,

f i n e

come with me my friend,
let's go on a exploration of words and realities,

a screenwalk of sorts through the worlds of books and ink,

A journey full

of strange characters & stranger creatures,
of castles of glass & ice,
of futures of fear & pain,
of villains & heroes,
of unknown friends & hateful enemies,
of stories similar to you and I,

On this adventure you will feel a spectrum of feelings and emotions,
                                              love    ­                respect
       hate                  anger                        envy          ­    appreciation
agony        sadness                relief      ­           annoyance
           triumph              happiness                 wonder                 pride    
fear           shock                 awe                 amusement                

you will know the characters as if they are your best of friends,
connect with them as if they are blood,

you will laugh,
you will cry,
you will curse,

you will become so engrossed that when the quest is over,
and the last chapter has been read,
when the last word has been said,

you will feel a hollowness like no other,

and then,
                      *you will want to start again