This is a poem that I wrote long ago,
To tell you that I know
I've always known.
But do you know?

Do you already know deep inside of you
That when the time comes for me to go
You will step away from all those hopes and dreams
And pretend to be a selfless martyr?

Do you already know
That you asked me to be yours forever, all those times,
Just so you could keep me until I will have to go?

Do you know that I was trying to keep
The entirety of my love away from you
Until you asked me to consider,
Really take the time to consider
Legitimizing our love?
Of course you know.

But do you also know that words fade away
If they don't have actions to be rooted into?

Do you also know that if by now
You haven't had the courage to make me yours,
I see you plan to let me go in spring?
To say to me: be free. life awaits you.
I think you know.

You know that is no martyr's deed
That is just a man who loved
But who did not love enough
A man always with the right words in hand
But with no deed to prove them.

The right words to get you pretty prizes
A fancy glass of exotic Champagne
That you sip and you finish and you place back empty on the waiter's tray.
Finalement, c'etait du consommable.

But that I was wrong
And everyone else was right
That, I did not know.

I was doubt; you were joy.
I was dark; and you, serene.
I was night; you were day.
I was the impala; you were the big cat
Or so it appeared.

It seems our roles were always interchangeable
As I preyed on you
You were vulnerable and weak in my arms
As vulnerable as man could be.

I could see it in your eyes
Eyes which led into your endless depth within.
Cat eyes, predatory eyes
That weakened me
That melted me
Hypnotized me
Out of reason.

Reason must have dripped away liquidly through my ears
On both sides of the pillow
When I lay down under your predatory gaze of love
All there would be left was the utmost feeling of belonging
Husband of my soul.
So strong was this feeling
So real was this feeling
So warm and true and endless
So encompassing
Subjecting human nature
To its' absoluteness.

In truth, you are the night.
And I am the light.
Though there is no joy in being the light of reason
The murderer of hopes and dreams
The enemy of happiness
The warden of aching hearts.

There is no joy in reason.
But it is reason that reigns.

The current must have taken us both,
But maybe not to drown us,
But rather to reunite us away from a judging shore,
To spare us the poor understanding of the common folk,
To take us to our own island of love.

Because maybe love was not possible on that shore,
A shore of constraint and doubt,
A shore of disapproving, short-sighted glances.

Yet the fateful seastorm knew the potential that lay silently within us.
It decided of its own accord
To take us far away
To get us lost before we could find each other.
It made the current trick us,
Pull us away from all we knew was good and stable.

Accept having lost control of the reins
And think the waves are set to drown you
And fear that dark abyss beneath
Until you see you keep afloat
Mysteriously, amid the dark waves of the seastorm.
Then you start to wonder
If the seastorm is your friend
A necessary evil,
You understand that, maybe,
This is not the end
And things will soon and gently settle.

In the distance, there is a lighthouse.

Now, we are both afloat.
The waves and sea are angry.

You did not forget your life jacket
But I did not take mine.

And there is still the shore behind
You can turn around
And swim back anytime.

Yet, there is a lighthouse in the distance.

If you leave me here to drown
There will be no witness...

Our children are grown now
And we are finally free of each other
If they can go, i can go
As far away from you
Far enough, at least
The thought of this relief brings me so much joy
To be free of you
Free.

But we have no children
We are our own children
And we will be free
Only when we grow up.

I have this picture in my head,
I look across at your smile
And I wish for endless time
I'm in love with the bridge of your nose,
And with the blue of your eyes
With your wrinkles
And your lovely dimples
And the shirts that you wear
Your hand through my hair
Us, kissing in that office chair,
The red in your beard,
Your hand on my hand
Our lovers' walk
The sound of your voice
Your happy dance
My heart's choice
Is our romance..