Out

Dear Straight People,

Coming out is not as easy as it looks.
Coming out is years of waiting and watching and experimenting and observing my mind.
Coming out is looking at yourself in the mirror and not even knowing who you're looking at.
Coming out is looking at your family, who said they would love you no matter what, and wondering if that was really true.

I came out to my best friend after school.
She paused.
And said after a while that I had broken her heart.
Little did she know that the feeling was mutual in myself.
She told me I had to come visit her so that she could find me "a nice boy."
I didn't want a boy.
I wanted a girl.
A specific girl.
A girl with blue eyes.
A girl with long brown hair cascading down her back like a perfect waterfall.
A girl who looks amazing in a skirt.
But she was straight.
I would have to come out to her one day.
When I no longer had a crush on her.
Because, straight people, in our society today, coming out is only acceptable
When it is no longer applicable.

Dear Straight People,

Coming out is not easy.
Coming out is really
Really
Hard

That's a nice car you've got there
Much better than mine

That's a nice house you've got there
Far better than mine

That's a nice job you've got there
Way better than mine

That's a nice life you've got there
Way better than mine

Are you happy?
"I'm gonna be.
Because it's still just you and me.
But soon enough it will not be
the way it is right now, you see.

People change
People leave
People hurt you desperately
People cry
People laugh
And people sometimes drown, like me

In their emotions
Can't you see
The silent screaming next to me
The quiet tears
The useless cries
Of someone, anyone help me, please.

This is all we understand.
All that we can take.
This is all we comprehend.
The people who are fake.

Are you happy?
I'm gonna be.
When it's only you and me."

I am better

Than you
Than me
Than them
Than God

I am royal
I am the best

Nothing is better

Than me

A ray shines through the curtains of my room
Lighting it up in the dark
A sliver of hope in the night
Yellow and dancing
I smile
Finally

"It's okay now." I say to my little brother.
I wipe the tears from his tired cheeks
And kiss his forehead
It's okay now
I think

?

People ask questions
"Where are these bruises coming from?"
"Why is your eye black?"
"Where've you been?"
They don't know
These bruises show up because I slipped
My eye is black because I spoke up
I've been
Gone

I can't tell you straight
You would think differently of me
They always do
I can't tell you straight
It would just get worse
I can't tell you straight
Those would be the last words I'll ever
Say

This truly is a wonderful time.

Whether you're
happy
sad
scared
angry
excited

This truly is a wonderful time.

Look at you.
Feeling things.
Having emotions.
Knowing that inside you know something
Even if it's just what you feel
Look at us.
Talking.
Laughing.
Crying.
Sharing secrets only the closest of two humans could share.
Being together under these billions of stars in the tiny world we call
home.

Look at us.

Home.