Two and a half years
that's how long I've loved you
Relentlessly
Till my heart has drummed in my ears
and I felt like I haven't had nourishment in months.

I've loved you without receiving your love in return
and it's almost killed me.

There've been times you were kind
kept me loving you
In between periods of disinterest
and harsh words.

I've watched you kiss other girls.
I've watched myself loose sleep, for months.

I've forgotten who I am, what I want.
And overlooked people who wanted to love me.

For two and a half years.
I've waited, to hear you say you feel the similar.
To hear you say that you were a fool.

I have loved you without you wanting me to love you.
And finally you ended it.
You said the words at last, 'move on.'

And I don't want to, and I feel so numb.
But I feel, almost free.

How do you measure your life?
In time? In your experiences?

I think most people, deep down at least, measure in love.

How much love were you capable of giving? How much love were you willing to receive?

How many moments did you allow to move you to tears?

How many silences did you embrace? Try to break down and understand- to hear the inaudible?

What is life to you? What makes you feel most alive?

Most animalistic at your core.

Do you set any time away for yourself? Do you feel your body? Do you feel your urges and embrace them?

What is it that you're looking for?

What would success mean to you?

Does your answer to that questions oppose or align with your morals.

What do you think of your body, and yet how do you view others?

Do you actually believe any of this charade?

Do you know that you're beautiful?

Do you know in all your infinity that you made it here, as perfect as you are. Have you any idea how much I love you?

Would you believe me if I told you?

More than I have loved the sun and the moon
the wind and the stars
my hopes and dreams

more than I have loved the deep,
sacred parts of me
have I loved you.

I have loved you to your core.
The deepest, and truest parts of you.

Beautiful as you are, you wretched thing.

Leave me so that I may attempt a life without you.
A life that can be my own.

A world where you do not exist.

Perhaps our cosmic soul is simply here to learn a lesson.
Maybe our soul passes through to all the conscience universes to get a better idea of themselves.
Maybe being human is so hard because we're just here to learn a lesson.
Which I'm sure is love. I'm sure it's always love.
Maybe we have soulmates that we follow throughout the cosmos.
Or maybe we experience a new one each time.
Maybe they are our lesson to be learned.
I know nothing has taught me as much as loving another.
Nothing has ever made me feel more real than a breaking heart.
How we can love someone, so wholly, yet have separate destinies, baffles me more than any other unsolved life mystery.
What is romantic love? How would it ever have benefited us on an evolutionary perspective?
In the most sincere ways love has only ever weakened me.
It made me put another's needs before my own.
It has made me sick mentally and physically.
It has kept me up countless nights, and made me a recluse among friends.
Both the best and the worst feelings I have ever felt were due to loving another soul more than I have ever loved anything.
Is that a cosmic love? A soul that I simply cannot turn away from.
One that I have loved through space and time.
Or is that simply my greatest task here on earth.
To endure loving, and losing, a soul who set mine ablaze.

We're getting closer to the inevitable
it's about that time again
time to say goodbye
time to forget the reasons why
forget the good times
time to get selfish and mean.

It's time to hear all your grievances
it's time to admit all my fears
and we always knew this time would get here
we were willing participants.

And I'm glad that I loved you.
But I'll be happier to love myself again.

We're all just visiting. Playing nice, playing human for a little while.

The act is boring and mundane.

Humanity is such an odd ailment to be riddled with.  Constantly struggling against ourselves.

Like a toddler fighting sleep.

We are fighting the knowledge of our celestial and universal love.

Our problems that plague us are mere facades and illusions of the world we have constructed for ourselves. We have all the greatness of the stars inside us and we concern ourselves with the cellulite on the backs of our legs.

Most people live their entire lives, from birth to death, without ever removing themselves from the spotlight of the stage enough to see what's behind the curtain.

What a sad show we are putting on. And for who?

We are such temporary things. We put so much effort in validating ourselves while we're here. You would think the inevitability of our demise would humble and soften us. But we are a creature susceptible to fear.

And we're so ugly when we're scared.

None of our potential is reached in that state of being. It's so silly. We're so silly.

All of us, all over the world.

Running around, sawing off our limbs. Hacking away at our bodies while we scream in agony.

"Mercy! Please God MERCY!!!

But we just keep butchering ourselves. And the rivers run red all over the world.

We'll never wash our hands of it.

Maybe tonight is forever
What if this is all we have
Maybe this feeling is eternity
And your eyes are seas that have no depth
Maybe I was meant to feel this way
And you were meant to hold me
Kiss me
Love me
Maybe
Maybe this is a dream
No grasp of reality at all
Maybe my broken heart was just me dying
And this has all happened in the moment between life and death
Maybe it’s just a swell dream, and maybe I’ll wake up soon
And maybe when I do I’ll forget it all
Forget your name
Forget your touch
Forget the way you changed me
And maybe I’ll smile again

We were walking down the highway
Talking bout our desires
How we planned to see the world
Wanted to dance naked around fires

He looked over at me
And his eyes pierced into mine
He said he never met a girl
Who he thought was this fine
I blushed and looked away
And smiled and said you’re lying
I knew that he wasn’t, but still I was trying

We stopped off at the oak tree
To marvel at its wonder
All its branches reaching upward
All the shade that it left under

He grabbed up my hands
Slipped his fingers in with mine
We talked under that oak tree
Till we lost all sense of time
And the skies passed above us
And the stars waged wars
We got caught up in the crossfires
Between our heads and our hearts

When I woke up in the morning
I was cold and alone
I found laying on my heart
A note that he had wrote
It said you looked happy here
But I had to keep going
Know that I love you, and that this speaks nothing of you

If people were all cigarettes- I'd smoke a pack a day
and take long drags of everyone
and then toss the butts away

If people were all change- quarters, pennies, nickles, and dimes
I'd pick each one up from the sidewalk and save
for a bottle of *** and a good time

If people were pills- they'd all be prozacs and zolofts
so we could keep on faking smiles
pretending to get off

And as I'd wash down pills with shots- and feel as each on burned
I'd blow smoke in a young child's face
Reassuring him, next was his turn.

You have to know how I love you
I haven't said it, because there aren't any words
This is more than words
This is a look, and a touch
They're so loud that it feels like orchestras in front of me
And I'm the conductor, building the music louder and louder
Until it's all just vibrations
This is a frequency, and there are no words
But surely, you must know that I love you

Maybe you know how this goes,
this may be your forte,
so you can strum along to the tune.
The rise and the fall,
the endless noise of my heart.
Perhaps you're not destroyed.
But I have felt this aching,
I've never made it to the end.
I was struck by the fire and it burned through my soul.
It burnt every beat,
And there are never words.
Only stares. Longings.
And it's all so ******. ****** from the start.
Maybe we were not meant to live in love.

Winter is coming
I can feel it in the morning air
I can tell by the way we sleep
come morning we're tangled as the sheets
and I wish it would get here faster
it makes me hope to never see summer again
to wake up to your embrace tightening around me
surrounding me in love and safety
neither of us wanting to leave the warmth of each others skin
this is all I want
I could die here in your arms with a smile on my face
as long as my fingers were tangled in your hair
with your head buried in the crevice of my neck
lips lightly touching my skin
giving me goose bumps with every breath you exhale
yes, I could die quite happy right here

Oh these walls, let's tear them down.
Let us fill their voids with everything we want to tell.
Cause I have so much I want to say.
I've been lost in your eyes for days now.
I can walk along the walls and stay close, but there's no way over.
We can each stand on our hills on the other side and see on another.
Imagining what it would be like to lay down together right in the ruins of these walls.
So may we tear them down, please?
Can I be honest with my beating heart, tell you that you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Or shall we build them higher, so high that I can no longer see your sun.
Be warmed by it's rays breaking the top of these stupid walls.