I am trapped in a house in my mind with shattered windows and pictures
of us glued to the walls and the sound of your voice telling me you don't love me.
I am sinking into the ground and I can't move but your voice follows me reminding me that I am loveless
and poison
I am poison and you drank from me and I am so sorry
I want to be a flower
a beautiful soft harmless flower
I want to love something without making it squirm and wither WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME I can't breathe without you I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of emptiness and it is so loud.
I remember when you told me you'd show me the moon but I think the moon had fled and the sky above the cloud is empty like me.
I wonder if you'll ever find it
and if you do will it make your lips slip into a smile at the thought of me or if you'll send it crashing down.

your touch melts my skin and bone until there is nothing between you and my soul.

I've seen the way one cut can turn into a hundred,
I've watched how my sisters pure and innocent skin became scarred and troubled.
I watched how one cut spread like poison ivy across her body.
and it wasn't tragically beautiful.

I watched how she turned against herself,
her arms became battlefields
every mark became another piece of herself that she could no longer identify
and it wasn't tragically beautiful,
it was haunting
it was tragic
but it was not beautiful.