dream your beautiful dreams bread cat friend

and when you wake upon the morrow,
find that all the world has lost its sorrow
take to the day with a spring in every step
and let the long-awaited joys you’ve kept
inside your heart come streaming out
till with sheer wonder you must shout

and may you grow and love and be
in every abstract aspect free
and in the earth plant seeds of hope
that will help you in the future to cope
with all the anger, pain and fear
that will afflict you in the coming years

this i want for you, o breaded cat friend;
let the platonic love we share know no end.

I would my life were a movie,
that on the anniversary of your death
I could ride my bike, straight-backed,
hair blowing in the manufactured wind,
to your grave, with a perfect bouquet of flowers
perched in my basket, or else
zipped perilously into a backpack;
and, arriving at your headstone,
donate their impermanent beauty
to your memory, placing them
artistically
beneath the singular, factual phrases
that hold all remembrance of you
in their cold stone embrace.

But your ashes rest beneath the waves:
your tomb is the sea,
the sky your eternal epitaph;
and my heart has no physical place
to fix my mourning to.
And so I wander - for I must!
I cannot tie myself to the earth
when to the earth you are not tied,
when the wind carries your voice
and the rivers flow
with what once was your laughter.

The whole world is such a very big grave
for someone once so real as you.

I ate a ******* today.
It was the second ******* I've ever had,
and probably the last one
I'll ever have.
These things were supposed to last
for ******* ever.
They were supposed to outlive
the apocalypse
but now they're
pretty much
gone.

If you think this is some metaphor
for the impermanence of
humanity, or for that teenage
lover you wanted to give yourself
over to, forever,
or for lazy Sunday afternoons
when the world just
floats
on
by,
you are
correct.

We live our lives by impermanent things
we tie our life-lines to twigs
that will snap at the first sign
of the wind. I cannot
un-break your heart,
or tell you that these
things are
unimportant.
They are important.
They are as
important as daydreams, as childhood,
as light and air and food
and water.
But they will not last
forever. They are less eternal
than the footprints you leave
in wet concrete:
those will still be there
in the morning.

And if I cannot tie our impermanent
physicality to the fate of
the last ******* on Earth
in a strange metaphor,
then I do not deserve
to have eaten it at all.

it has been a long time
since i was happy
and
where did
those summer hours go

where did
the freedom of
the sunshine go
where did
the freedom
of my innocence go

why does intellect
hold hands
with monsters
and why does maturity
walk
side by side
with corruption

do not expect
some kind of answer
because
i have none

i can feel my heart beat
but
there is no
rhythm
anymore.

I want to bury my heart deep beneath the sea
and never have to feel its ache or break again
I want to cast that pain away deep beneath the waves
and never have to look back and see it

I want it to sink away to melt away to be gone
for good or so I think but then then you're the there
and I want to feel it I want to feel all of it every
heartache every teardrop every bend and break

cause you're worth it, you know that? you're worth
every lifetime of **** every awful lonely night and day
and all the times I pretend to be OK
and you're worth every drop of sweat and blood

every minor pang of guilt and every scream
of brutal agony and alone or together you're what
we're all looking for that person that one thing
that makes life worth living

and deep down we'd all tear apart the world to find you
cause with out you we want to sink away want to
bury our hearts deep beneath the sea and I
will not build my life on these smaller truths
I'll build it around you

you're what makes my heart worth beating
and without you it might as well just
burn or be buried or rot away
melt away sink away drift away
and the tide
pulls my heartbeat
away.

drinking tea and drawing sweaters well past midnight
I am content to sit here and just be sitting here
I'll solve my problems in the morning;
it's way too hard
to try and talk to people after sundown.
so many people shut themselves off
after dark and after darkness
so many people never bother
to open themselves up.

my life is a book that I love too much
to let it end.
I wonder if people who are going to die
know that they are going to die
if they can feel the inevitability
of their own oblivion
in the seconds before it begins.
and were you out at the coffee shop
buying scones as her heartbeat
             slowed   and     stuttered            and                          stopped


my tea's getting cold.

let me fall silent
with your silence.
as you fly down the
dreamscape mountains,
as your skis whisk you
away
from the real world,
away
into the snow-world,
let me fall silent
alongside you
as you fly.

your dreams
wear clandestine wings
and you soar
across the worlds
in your head
in your heart
let me be here
in your dreams,
secret
and silent
and hidden away
safe within you
as you soar.

let me fall silent with you
and lapse into
that dream
and we can drift away
and slip away
and melt away
into snow
into sunshine
into the eternity
that finds its resting place
in your soul.