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Ellie May Oct 2014
The first time we met
I refused to wear a dress
Because they're uncomfortable to me

You were with my friends
Also yours apparently
Makes sense, you're in their grade

The first time i heard you talk
I swear i developed a small crush instantly
Such a soft voice and adorable face


  sigh*
Interesting huh?
1.1k · Oct 2014
Lockdown
Ellie May Oct 2014
Put yourself on lockdown
Don't fall for people
Until they make you laugh and smile
Even when you're really upset

Put yourself on lockdown
Because emotion is for squares
conceal
Don't feel


Just don't like anyone guys
This was terrible and written in a lockdown drill at school
1.1k · Nov 2014
Like the government
Ellie May Nov 2014
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Get in my bed
I wanna *******
Like the government
I'm a terrible persoooon haaaaaah
961 · Oct 2014
Define the term affection
Ellie May Oct 2014
Define the term affection
Even if I've only ever been of Facebook presence and seen in school hallways
Even if i was always too shy towards your friends to try to say Goodmorning in person
Even if one of my favorite things in the world is my dog
And you strongly dislike dogs
With good reason i suppose
Even if you sometimes didn't answer until thirty messages later because you were almost too drunk to stand up and i was worried
Even if whenever we were near eachother we held surprised eye contact like What are you doing here at school? That's unheard of! every time

I still message almost every day i have the option to to check how you're doing and we have... interesting conversations
I still manage a Hello every now and then
I still don't mention my dogs to you unless something is really worrying me
I still engage a conversation when you're drunk, if only to keep you at your house
We still do the surprised eye contact, even if you're getting used to it faster than i am
**Oops
This did not define affection i just needed to vent sort of
905 · Oct 2014
I'm addicted to your touch
Ellie May Oct 2014
I'm addicted to the tracing you do with your fingertips
i'm addicted to the calluses all over your palms
I'm addicted to the almost burning of your arms
i'm addicted to the fist to forehead bump that you do
i'm not sure if it's to comfort me, or to comfort you
I'm addicted to the warmth that passes onto me every time we make contact
I'm addicted to every touch you've ever made on me
Soft forehead bump
Don't worry, Single follower
814 · Oct 2014
Sound and other things
Ellie May Oct 2014
The sound of your voice
Could lull me to sleep
Not because it's boring
but because it's relaxing enough for me to go to sleep normally

When my leg used to shake
because you were too close
but there was no more space left to move
It was in excitement and nervousness

You would put your ridiculously warm hand on my knee
and it would feel warm for a little while
You wanted it to stop shaking
but you wouldn't force it

Your singing
that i've heard
is quiet
and rather croakish

It sounded terrible and wonderful
It was country music
I was listening to fall out boy
You were listening to country

Such different music preferences
Sorry this was terrible
I'm in in-school
785 · Oct 2014
There is nothing
Ellie May Oct 2014
There is nothing as painful
For the only two people involved
Than a giant crush
On the other person
After months
Of being able to make her laugh
And being reasonable
And laughing about stupid whining
And letting her bother you about stupid things that she cared about
And worrying about her dogs
Even if you don't like dogs
Saying up extra hours
Being a perfect *******
And you still feel

*nothing
Ugh
739 · Dec 2014
i'm still going to write it
Ellie May Dec 2014
Okay listen
you know what's been going on lately
you know what's gone wrong
you know why i'm so tired
you know i want to be gone

my lips are dry
my voice is constantly cracking
i have a massive headache
i'm probably dehydrated again
i'm still singing songs with this cracking voice

i now know when i gave up on teamwork
i wonder what brought that about
fourth grade
the year i won something
possibly the only one

in an activity i'm not allowed to do anymore
because i have bad grades
it makes so much sense
taking away the only sport i enjoy
to get me to be productive

you're telling me to stop taking the blows for everyone
what if i can't stop
what if i still care so much that i refuse to let them hurt themselves and others
except for one
he can go **** himself

you don't think you're around enough
but that's not true
if the circumstances don't allow you to be around enough for your standards
that's too bad
you're around enough for mine

you're afraid you're not good enough
even if you're the best person in my life right now
i've said it so much
i figured you'd believe me by now
i guess we have the same problem

you're afraid you'll get too attached
and then lose me
that one i can't argue with
you might
i'm lost anyway

you're sick
i'm sick in the harder to fix way
i'm still afraid to look in the mirror
but if i don't my hair will look worse
and we both know how much i hate my hair already
much digression
692 · Nov 2014
Hm
Ellie May Nov 2014
Hm
I would like you to delve into the Lego box that is my soul
And tell me which piece you like best
Hm
Ellie May Nov 2014
ALRIGHT
I am
so
*******
about ferguson and all of that
the protesting
i fully support the protesting
the teargas
i don't
**** the teargas
the protesting
is being done
because an unarmed black teenager
was murdered
by a cop
and a 12 year old black boy
was playing with a TOY GUN
and he was shot to death
I AM SO *******
LET'S START ANOTHER CIVIL WAR
FOR PRETTY MUCH THE SAME REASON AS THE FIRST CIVIL WAR
THE COPS STILL WALK FREE
AFTER KILLING
UNARMED BLACK CHILDREN
TELL ME WHY I SHOULDN'T BE *******
UGH
589 · Oct 2014
*insert title here*
Ellie May Oct 2014
The sound of a knife
Grating against the edge of another knife
Is one of the best sounds to me
It distracts me like almost nothing else can
-shhhhhnk-
The flow of red
After you fall
While messing with the knives
Is one of the best liquid colors I'll ever see in my life
-shhhhhnk-
The loss of breath
And heavy chest
And heavy arms
Wait that's just me feeling weak
Sorry
Bye
This is my last one possibly until I'm un grounded
Sorry
That was
Morbid
588 · Oct 2014
This is killing me
Ellie May Oct 2014
I Absolutely ADORE you
Constantly thinking about you
because you are the first living thing i've loved besides my dogs in years
You're so much bigger
by Two years
But you're not scary
You Stupid teddy bear
You put up these tough guy walls
but
i knew it
I knew you would be a stupid teddy bear

I want to hug you
and go to sleep
next to you
and wake up the morning having accidentally pushed you off the bed
and apologize for it
like 60 times
and end up making something to eat
because food is one of the other things i love in life
I miss you

You stupid Teddy Bear
UGH So perf
Ellie May Jan 2015
http://hellopoetry.com/ellie-the-heartache/
This is mostly just because i'm really tired and i had to make sure the person i wrote that one poem for didn't see all of these, thanks
499 · Jan 2015
welllllll
Ellie May Jan 2015
I woke up at 4:08 this morning
and i've felt like **** all day
i really really wish i hadn't woken up

I wish i had the lifespan of an english setter
because according to body size, they shouldn't live past 15
i'm 15 now

happy 2015 folks
this was absolutely terrible
Ellie May Oct 2014
Your eyes remind me of oceans, yes
But that's too cheesy
Your eyes remind me of the night sky when theres only a few light thin clouds
That's still too cheesy
Your eyes remind me of winter sunsets
Still too cheesy
Your eyes remind me of the smell of Chinese food
Gross
Your eyes remind me of the vibrant colors of the partially white corn snakes
Weird
Your eyes remind me of why I don't give up
Ahh
Perfect
Not really poemy but needed to be said
428 · Oct 2014
Snakes
Ellie May Oct 2014
You have a snake tongue
And minty breath
Most of the time

I adder bite with words
Because i get punished less for it
Most of the time

You've given all you've got to get me in your bed
Because that's all you want no matter what you say
Isn't it

I've given all I've got to get you to stay
Because no matter how stubborn i am and refuse help
I still need you here
I
Um
Err
425 · Oct 2014
Apparently
Ellie May Oct 2014
Apparently I say the same thing too much
Apparently I don't express emotion outwardly
Apparently i spent too much time alone
Apparently I shouldn't be waking up 15 times a night
Apparently my voice should be loud enough to hear over the roar of a bus
Apparently my blind hatred for people ruins things
Apparently
Apparently
Apparently
Apparently
418 · Dec 2014
home
Ellie May Dec 2014
you feel more like home
than the place i've lived in for 15 years
gkjrshlek;
416 · Nov 2014
purple
Ellie May Nov 2014
Purple is the color of royals
And it's one of the only colors i hate almost every shade of
But you
My king
I love it on
thaT WAS TERrible
406 · Nov 2014
listen
Ellie May Nov 2014
I think that you should listen to my pleas
because sometimes it's for more than something petty
it's a plea for my sanity
a plea for all that is me
sigh
401 · Nov 2014
Eric
Ellie May Nov 2014
Eric
You chubby Mexican
We argue
About the most stupid things
Online
But when we're together
I
Feel
So
free
And
safe
And
less frustrated
Too bad we can't be near eachother for more than a few minutes at a time
Ndhsjjs
389 · Dec 2014
Just so you know
Ellie May Dec 2014
if i had to choose someone for their warmth
it was never going to be you
ha
381 · Nov 2014
Hmm
Ellie May Nov 2014
Hmm
Oh
How i love
The night sky
Any time of the year
The beauty
And near impossible vastness
Forever expanding
And the infinite possibilities
And the wonder of life
And the lovely dates
And the deep conversations
Or just quietly sitting
Or writing
Or trying to copy the stars down on paper since ipod pics don't do the magnificence justice
Or imagining what your life would be like somewhere else
On a different planet
Far away from earth
I wonder if the souls would be the same, just distributed into a different physical form
Oh how i love the night sky
Fun times
Ellie May Nov 2014
Dear
I would like for you to view me as i view you
Affectionate
Even if you don't like to admit it
Funny
In the most stupid way
Perfect
Even when you're huge
And you can't get your beard to grow quite right
And you know even more ways to **** someone than i do
Gentle
Even if you'd prefer not to
You can't stop yourself though
Thinks I'm fragile
Thats all you
But what would i be?
Early morning even if i've been  up for hours already
365 · Nov 2014
Four
Ellie May Nov 2014
One was old battering scars and fear and intense fiery need to love
One was profanity and repitition and gentleness
One was protective and hatred and country music
One was quiet and sweet and hugged back
And she fell for them all
Including herself
With help from the other three
Sighhhhhhhhhhhh
360 · Oct 2014
We need some pictures
Ellie May Oct 2014
I need some pictures of you and I
So at least i can document the few times I've been happy
And i can look back on it
when i'm at my lowest
So i can say
"I would miss that."
even if it's only to myself
and then eat some ice cream to drown out the emotions
and try not to watch any star trek episodes with Spocks Mother
That went a little off track
357 · Oct 2014
How
Ellie May Oct 2014
How
How are you so much happier than me?
We've been in the same situations
had the same weekends
maybe it's just that i'm weak

but when i'm near you
everything seems alright
only for a little while
before the rides over

Then everything moves back into the empty darkness
that I've grown so accustomed to
over the past few years
but
you are my shining light
that makes every day
a little bit better

Please stay
Eric
Ellie May Nov 2014
You chubby Mexican
I love you with every bit of me that's left
I love how gentle you are
Despite your size
And how carefully you place your words
Since you know I'm just looking for something to argue about
And how romantic you are
Even if you don't like to show it
And you're the only person i can stand with no verbal filter
Since you're always grammatically correct with it

lovely nervous baby
Doesn't know how to react to me
Lovely beautiful man, time to change the font•

you can do whatever you want
Lovely perfect boy
I hope I'm not
  just a *toy
• as much as i can with this
Oops
Sorry peeps
348 · Nov 2014
Well okay
Ellie May Nov 2014
you know
I'm not really sure if I'm a ****** or not.
There's nothing there
But I've never been on someones ****
How troubling*

HA I KNEW IT
YOU HARLET


-Argument starts-
*sighs*
Ellie May Oct 2014
I miss you you stupid ********
I miss you too
Was probably my favorite answered message

If only i could draw people okay
I would draw you a lot
And decide whether i like you with or without the beard

You still won't admit you like me at all
Even though it's getting increasingly obvious you like me in some way
I don't know why, I'm a ****

Well, ****
Sorry but i got something out today
336 · Oct 2014
You hear it
Ellie May Oct 2014
The fear in my voice
is so prominent
when i tell you i don't want to go home

no one else listens
or i'm too afraid to show them
my fear

i am afraid of everything
but that fear leaves when i'm near you
all except for going home

Take me with you
*sigh*
327 · Nov 2014
What am I
Ellie May Nov 2014
What am i
What am i
What am i
What am i
I don't know
Do you?
Apparently I'm nice
And loving
And careful
And motherly
And funny
And perf
But I don't see that
I see
I'm tired
And scared
And lonely
And frustrated
And angry

Are we seeing different people?
Sighhhhhhhh
317 · Dec 2014
sorry
Ellie May Dec 2014
if i knew what to do
i would have done it already
hjf
Ellie May Oct 2014
Remember when i asked you if i should go to the dance
being sad that i couldn't go with you
because you were going with someone who didn't almost drown you in affection
And you told me to go "Just so you're out of the house more on your birthday"

You were right
i ended up having fun near the end


you still aren't quite sure how to interact with me
after the 13,000 messages on facebook
and at least ten hours together
you still arent sure


I'm sorry
I ended up
Being
So
Easy
And Difficult
At
The Same

Time
Sorry guys
Ellie May Nov 2014
The worst possible thing you could do is leave
Because I'll have to completely detatch myself
And ignore your presence
For months on end
Just to get back to neutrality
Humph
314 · Oct 2014
Ugh
Ellie May Oct 2014
Ugh
Ugh
ugh
**UGH
That was weak but i needed to put something up and evan is being an annoying needy *****
Ellie May Oct 2014
You are the only thing that makes me happy now
and when you're gone
everything is empty
half empty

You know exactly what to do
you know what makes me laugh
you know what things not to mention
You know everything you need to know

for us to function properly around each other
but i can't get over your perfection
and you can't get over my negativity
even if I'm happy

I'm sorry
Meow
Ellie May Oct 2014
You were all that I aspired to catch in life
Someone that  would sing me fall out boy
Or Vanessa Carlton
It didn't matter to you
Not to me either
Lovely
I miss it
Fun fun fun
298 · Dec 2014
ughhh
Ellie May Dec 2014
My last battle cry is never heard
it's read
*/red
294 · Nov 2014
Why do you do that
Ellie May Nov 2014
Why
Do I always have to tell you to be safe
The other one not so much
But apparently you've gotten drunk
I'm not going to try to get you to stop
Even though i should
I just want you to not drive
Why
Do I always have to tell you
To stay happy
I don't need to
You seem so much happier than i am already
I want you to be happy
And safe
But that's hard
Love you
Sndhdhssnehdhsn
292 · Oct 2014
You were there
Ellie May Oct 2014
You are the cutest poem i have ever read
Constructed so imperfectly perfect
Your eyes
are like oceans
despite the fact that they're dark brown
Your hands are scarred
Your neck has been bitten too hard, and it left a mark
you dyed your hair so many colors i don't know whether to be surprised or not the next time around
We've sent so many messages
and talked so many times
but still said nothing 90% of the time
I Love You
and
I'm Sorry
Frig
291 · Oct 2014
I fell in love with two
Ellie May Oct 2014
I fell in love with two people
One really close
who i've known for awhile
Who's warmth sends shivers down my spine
I can actually hear the concern
in his voice
when he asks
what's happened over the weekend
and can hear the mix of emotions in my voice when i say nothing


the other one
is very far away
but i loved him instantly
He's great, okay?
He spends as much time as possible on calls
and calls me everything i don't usually get to hear

This is killing me
very slowly
and with warmth
i don't want to sing anymore
as it'll just upset me
Eric why you so perf
287 · Oct 2014
Truth
Ellie May Oct 2014
The Truth is that i absolutely love everything you do
You hands
Weathered and scarred
are the most important part
You're afraid to put them near me
In case i flinch
Your smile
is great
No matter how Mexican you look
White *** teeth though
It's still nice to see
Sorry i'm so frickin tired people
Ellie May Nov 2014
I forgive you for not knowing what to do
I forgive you for telling me you had to go because one of your friends wasn't okay
I forgive you for feeling inadequate
I forgive you for my problems

Because you shouldn't have said sorry for any of them

Of course you wouldn't know what to do, we haven't spent enough time together
Your friend was really upset and i wasn't, she mattered more
Sweetie, feeling that way is normal. Don't say sorry
Not your fault at all. Don't say sorry
Mmmmph
277 · Oct 2014
Senses
Ellie May Oct 2014
Blind to my fading color
Deaf to my screams
Untouchable to my grasp
Can't smell the iron
Can't taste the regret
Can't sense the sorrow
*sigh*
273 · Dec 2014
Sighh
Ellie May Dec 2014
Crying out in a world where no one listens
ugh
Ellie May Oct 2014
Theres this one tree
At my house
I think it's maple
That always takes forever for all it's leaves to at least turn red
And it waits
Until the first snowfall
To drop any leaves
This is my favorite season
The tree
Is beautiful
And I used to take pictures of it
But now i don't because i don't find it worth the effort
What have i dooone
Ugh
Trees
Morning folks
270 · Oct 2014
Remember Me
Ellie May Oct 2014
Remember how I told you not to do things
because you drank a lot those nights
and i wanted you to be safe

Remember that it took about a month and a half for you to be my favorite
because everyone else was leaving
i was stressed out and lashing out
but you stayed

Thank you

Remember how i tried so hard to calm you down, even if i failed every time?
It didn't matter
I didn't want you upset
that hurt me

Remember how often i told you things i wouldn't have remembered?
you reminded me of my memories
even the ones i had mostly forgotten
times used to be good

Remember how you used to get frustrated with me
because i could never tell what time it was
I have no sense of time *
You got used to it and stopped getting upset at me
and instead alerted me of what time it was whenever we talked

Thank you
I love you
* You stupid teddy bear
266 · Oct 2014
Never know
Ellie May Oct 2014
The few things you'll never know
Are the things I don't know anymore either

Because I've forgotten them
Either for a good reason or not
First one in days
250 · Nov 2014
Sigh
Ellie May Nov 2014
Do you really want me?
I don't
What part do you want?
Ugh
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