there was you
that i had wanted at first
you had this spontaneous smile
it froze me in place

but then there was him
that i had wanted next
you had this neglectful attitude
it left me to chase you further

i left you
for him
selfish, me
but i wanted him
more than you

sorry

it was the month of december
the night of which there was snow
do you remember?
it was the night before you let me go

we left before the play ended
for it began to get even colder
and that was when I realized you pretended
but I held it in and rested my head on your shoulder

I never told myself to quit; and no one else did either so I never bothered. Taking a lighter, a flame blows out. My shaky hands seem to struggle when trying to reach the tip. The door is open a crack, but blows open from the smoke that consumes the room. I look out the window, finding another scene that I envy. A mother and a daughter getting out of their car with a handful of groceries. Two boys playing catch in their driveway. A boy being taught how to ride his bike by his father. And a bunch of teenagers hysterically laughing at something on one of their phones. It's those little things that make me lock myself in my house—or should I say my stepmother's. Without thinking, I drop my cigarette on the sheets that light my eyes with fire.

eyes were bloodshot
nose was bleeding blue
mouth was torn
and throat was dry but slit clean

we looked yonder
saw creatures that didn't belong
but our shoulders shrugged
our knees loosened
and we forever lost our words

i never listened
to the sounds from over there
but i should've

but i should've

do you want to hear my screams?
beneath the ground where i was
nothing and
no one could hear

do you want to feel my bones?
beneath my grave where i was
buried and
left behind

do you want to smell my tears?
beneath my sorrows where i was
battered and
bruised till none other than words could hurt me

do you want to see me?

i sometimes stand waiting
wait for myself to restart
and then i go off debating
that i have a bleeding heart


but then i was back at the start
things do fall apart