once there was a boy
with zipped up lips and scars on his heart
he met a girl
they never spoke
she saw the slashes on his wrist
but she didn't know how to communicate
what it means to care

i am most definitely your best friend
if
you
want
me
to
be.

i am most definitely the sun in the sky
if
you
see
it
as
so.

i am most definitely the snake in the garden
if
you
see
me
that
way.

i am most definitely the  lonely girl in the corner
since
i
see
me
that
way.

sometimes i kind of hate you
you abandoned me to make out with some guy the other night
while you were gone i sat there singing to myself
      i wondered to no one
      ******* to the air
      wished you were there

i didn't have some life-changing realization
i just thought
if we're best friends and this is how you treat me
then what should i expect from my future husband
      family
      acquaintances
      strangers
      myself

i love you and you're my
best
friend
i swear

i think i'm yours too
i just don't know if this is how best friends
are supposed to act
because there have only been two
there's you
and there was her

and i don't know if feeling like **** is normal
because that's what happened before too

once i read that when it rains, the angels are crying.
why doesn't it rain when i cry
i'd hug you when you're sad
i'd yell at that boy who hurt you
even though i'm afraid of confrontation

once i talked to a boy for you
i was scared out of my mind
i wanted to run away and never come back
i still don't know where that courage came from
maybe it was you

you're my best friend
you taught me to fight dragons
jump into the ocean
talk to strangers
leap at the stars and grab them with both hands

without you
my dragons would have burnt me to death
i would have drowned in my ocean
my strangers would have never heard my voice trembling and shaking from fear
so much fear
without you
i wouldn't know what stars looked like up close

so maybe when it rains, you're the one crying
because you're my angel

you can’t tell me i’m not forgotten until you’ve been the kid that parents never talk to.
you can’t tell me i’m not unloved until you’ve been the grandchild that grandparents never travel for.
you can’t tell me i’m not ugly until you’ve been the girl always scrutinized for her weight, hair, skin, and everything in between.

you can’t because you are remembered
you are loved
you are beautiful
      breathtaking
      gorgeous
      lovely
impeccably striking in every way, shape, and form.

you can’t say you’re forgotten
you can’t say you’re unloved
you can’t say you’re ugly
you can’t
i can

i'm tired
i want to stop running
so
badly

my lungs are flaming
my legs are throbbing
my heart is burning
i'm suffocating
i can't breathe
i
can't
breathe
please
let
me
go
please

i don’t understand how you can say everyone is equal
say you love and respect all human beings
then turn around and spit at my friend’s feet
i love her
not the way she will love another girl someday
but is it so wrong that a single boy or girl might find a slight piece of
happiness
in the midst of this vat of cruelty we call our world

i don’t understand how you can put on such a mask, so sad about a boy’s suicide
and then laugh about a girl wounding her skin
about a boy crying late at night
my friend wanting to die
is it so unreasonable that they (we) might want an escape from
cold cruel mean torturous unkind despicable malicious hatred
you

i don’t understand how you can believe that skin color determines
character
that because of how my sister was born she is this
because of how my brother was born he is that
because now i have become your puppet
i am whatever you want me to be
whatever i am needed to be

you are not my character