This love is my soul,
This love is my life,
You don't understand me,
You cut it like a knife.

You don't understand me,
And so I live on,
I'm just a lonely girl,
I've done nothing wrong.

You insult me in ways,
You will never understand,
You say I need rifining,
You say I'm too bland.

You can never know,
The feelings I hold,
You would never have guessed,
You have made my heart cold.

My favourite word-
Empty
Why you ask?
Because of a boy.

Thats how i feel now-
Empty
Like all life has been ****** out,
Like I'm alone.

I have not heart-
I'm empty
He left again,
No goodbye, he didn't know that-

I cry for no reason-
Because I'm empty
I can't handle it,
I'll never be the same.

My favourite word now-
Empty

I fell for you,
I didn't want it,
I didn't need it,
but i did.

You left,
I was heartbroken,
but i survived,
almost.

Months went by,
no sign of you for ages,
then out of the blue,
you come back.

My face told the story,
a thousand tears,
all for you,
but you couldn't see.

You couldnt see the hurt,
you couldn't see the pain,
as you walked up the corridor,
that cocky smile you always held.

So I took a breath,
Decided I couldn't run,
or hide,
I wasn't going to show you what you've done.

I spent time with you,
laughed,
talked,
like old times.

But not once did you ask me,
how are you?
what have you been doing?
it was just random chatter.

Because I think you saw it,
the pain in my voice when i asked,
why are you here?
you just smiled

You had to leave in the end,
thats 3 times now,
except this time,
it was different.

It wasn't awkward,
it wasn't sad at first,
we just smiled,
and you turned and walked.

You didn't say goodbye,
neither did i,
we just parted,
it wasn't what i expected.

Of course the real pain came after,
hiding the tears on the way home,
realising all the things i could of said,
what i shouldn't have said.

So when i got home,
when i was alone,
that was when i cried,
ipod in- door closed.

The sad songs,
all reminded me,
of how I still love you
I still miss you.

All* this time,
Months and *months,
getting over you,
forgetting all I knew,

But then you came back,
I didn't know who you were at first,
a man in the distance staring at me,
and then I wave, and see, and know-

It's you.

I gasp for air but no air comes,
my heart doesnt beat it just feels empty.
I feel like the world has ****** out all of my life,
just an empty carcass, a structure without a soul.

It's not fair anymore- i think,
my heart cries but my brain stops it showing,
I ask why you're here and you say you just came by,

BUT WHY?

why do that?
at the end of the year,
after months of no contact-

just show up like everything is fine.

But thats you though,
You use your arrogance and smile against me,

My guards are up at first but slowly i relax,
pretend it's all ok,
that you're not going to leave,
that I'm the innocent little teenager that fell for you.

And my guards fall down,
I let myself be me,
I flirt and you flirt back,

I thought that it would be ok,

But it isn't

As soon as I let myself go it's time to leave,
time to say goodbye,
time to act like nothing happened.
Pretend I hate you in front of my mother,
When in fact I'm still drawn to you,
I still dream and I still love you,

I just can't help it.

And then you walk away,
not even saying goodbye.

Thats the third time now,
the third time I love you and you leave,

and I cry,
But don't let my feelings show to anyone.

Except my ipod and the tear stains on my book.

I love you.

I'll never forget you.

I want you to say you love me,

But I know it will never work.

I know you won't be with me,

I know I'll always be empty.

Waiting,

*Just waiting.....

Sports oh sports,
Oh why do you mock me?
Surely I have made it clear,
Surely you can see?

I've never been an athlete,
I cannot catch a ball,
Why do you make me stand,
I'm so worried I might fall!

I hate the 1500,
The 800 and 100 too,
I can only kick a football,
nothing else i can do!

So sports day oh sports day,
why can't you be banished,
I just want to read books and learn,
oh sports day wont you vanish?

My heart it weeps for forbiddon love,
your dark eyes that haunt mine when my eyes close,
My lips yearn for the touch of yours,
So deperate to reach on my tip toes.

Your tall muscley frame,
Your angled cheekbones that are made by an angel,
Your arrogance that I used to hate,
Without it my life would be hell.

When you ignore me my world breaks in two,
the emptiness that I feel in my heart,
You have made me love,
To forget my broken heart and re-start

I know this has no structure,
I don't really care about that anymore,
I just wanted my thoughts, my love,
and just how much of you I adore.

My Life* was back to *normal,
I had friends, laughs and happiness,
Yet there was always that little part of my brain-
that i ignored.

Because that little part of my brain-
contained you.

Our laughs,
Our fights,
Our text's late at night,
My hopeless dreaming,
and Your normal realism.

But I was fine with that,
You had gone,
And I had eventually realised-
nothing could happen.

No laughs,
No fights,
No texts late at night,
No dreaming of maybe's
No you and me.

So I walked around a bit,
Found myself again.
The giggly, hyper, slightly big-headed,
NerdyTeenager.

Not the depressed,
Overly mature,
(because I had to be like that)
Overly Sensible
Confined.

Just...me


And then it went terribly wrong.
Then i saw you.

Standing by the bus stop next to the kebab shop.
And all of a sudden, my heart beat rises,
My chest rises and falls-
I can't breathe.
It's like you've ****** the life out of me.
But you don't see me.
To busy on your phone.

So I go into the kebab shop,
I watch you from afar,
Still you don't see me.
Then the bus pulls up,
and instead of getting on-
someone gets off.
She gets off.

I don't know her name and I already hate her.

So you walk away with her- she looks so.....happy.

Unlike me.

So  when people say am I over you,
I just say "yes"-
I lie
Still remembering goodbye.

Because when I'm away from you- I move on.
But the moment I see you-

**My whole world crashes down infront of me.

I saw you at the bus stop yesterday,

I didn’t have the chance to even say,

That you looked the same as you did last year,

Instead I just turned and dried my tears,

At the boy who didn’t even recognise me,

I’m the girl who lives on our maybes and could be’s

I saw you at the bus stop yesterday

I kinda like you,
Oh, i dont know,
Sometimes i wish you would stay,
Other times i wish you would just go...

You're not what i usually like,
Not a Nerd for a start,
But you're kind and good natured,
And pretty alright at art.

When I'm with you I'm someone else,
Not the Nerd everyone else will see,
Just the laughing and joking teenager,
No worries, just you and me.

The thing is, I know we couldn't be together,
You're probably not into me,
I think you have a  girlfriend,
Who would want silly old me?

Although sometimes.. no I'm imagining it,
The strange way you look at me,
It's not right, but it's not wrong,
Well, we'll just wait and see...

WHY can't I find someone?
WHY do i care?
WHY do i live my life wishing you were there?

WHY did you love me?
WHY didn't you stay?
WHY did you have go but not live far away?

WHY do I say I'm over you?
WHY do I lie to you?
WHY is my life only blue?


HOW could you do this?
HOW could you lie?

how could you leave me there without saying one goodbye?

The first day I saw you,
Some time in late May,
You came up behind me,
Too afraid to say,
"Hello, how are you? My name is__"
So I teased, joked
and suddenly-
BROKE
It was then I realised,
Behind my hate,
My arrogance,
My incompetence to love,
You were beautiful.

I never thought it would get anywhere,
Thursday nights just hanging out,
me and you forever and always,

I never thought I'd love you,
I never thought I'd lie,
I knew you had to leave,
although my heart ignored it.

I'm two years wiser,
Two years more broken.
Two years of remembering.
I'll always remember that day in late May,
Where you never had the courage to say,
"Hello".

This is meant to be for my english task of writing a sonnet- i don't think it is but i thought i would upload it anyway.
---------------------------------------------------------­---------

The boy with black hair is looking at me,
Reminding me of an old memory,
He does not know it and he does not care,
That if he carries on my heart will tear.

I have not seen him for a year,
Every night I wiped a tear,
I was not angry, nor upset,
Just ashamed that I let

That boy with his arrogance and sweet word,
Get inside my heart- absurd
That I would fall so easily.

For as long as I love him and as long as I care,
My heart will continue to tear and tear.

The boy with black hair
Is staring at me,
He's talking about collage- pleased he got a C
He's changed so much,
although I won't say,
because this time last year, he would be ashamed of an A.

I say goodbye
As he watches my mums car go
Remembering him laughing at my mums red Clio.

Months later
I walked up the road,
He walked down as his blue eyes glowed,

He says hi and waves,
I smile and say hi,
I don't make the mistake of remembering goodbye,

The boy with the black hair
stares as I walk away,
Because the boy with the black hair realises what he lost that day.

I’d say hello,

You’d say goodbye,

I never knew you’re neglect was just a big fat lie,

I’d say I’m yours,

You’d say try again,

But now don’t you wish you could start over again….


Because you broke my heart but now you love me,

I’m sorry that you could never see,

But it’s your problem now because I'm not taking anymore,

And I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to show you the door,



You say hello,

I say goodbye,

You say you’re sorry for all that lost time,

You say you love me,

I say get over me,

Because I managed to get over you…


Because you broke my heart but now you love me,

I’m sorry that you could never see,

But it’s your problem now because I'm not taking anymore,

And I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to show you the door,


You say you want me and that you’re sorry that you were mean,

I just say aren’t you a fool that you didn’t see,

Because now you’re lonely and nobody trusts you,

You were arrogant and see where it got you,

I won't look at you the same…


Because I’ve broken your heart now you know what I went through,

Except I won't call you names and then pretend that you’re see- through

But it’s your problem now Because I'm not taking anymore,

And I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to show you the door,

I'm gonna have to show you the door….

Because I won’t take anymore...

I love you
But I hate you
I’m heartbroken
But I’m still breathing

You were my world
Now I’m floating in a vacuum
Never Ending
It’s only black

I wait,
Every week
Looking out the same windows
Waiting for your return

But you won’t come back
You moved on
You found her
I just never found him.

Raining
Pouring
My dad’s up a ladder,

Wet,
Cold,
Attaching the reindeers antler,

Up
Down
I start to climb,

1’oclock
2’oclock
Taking too much time

To high
Wobbling
Cat’s eating the wire,

I pull
It pulls back
My patience starts to tire,

Mum
Comes out
“It’s in the wrong places”

Goes inside
We take it down
“This is going to take ages”

Cold
Tired
It’s eventually done

Inside
Warming up
“Now wasn’t that fun?”

They say I’m too young to be in love
To be heartbroken
They say you were just a boy,
We never had any feelings just empty words spoken.

We could never kiss
We could never touch
We never held each others hands because it would be too much
They say that we had nothing but

They were never texted for no reason with kisses for a heart
They never felt that if they weren’t near you their world would fall apart
And they never talked until late at night and with nothing to say,
They were never made to feel special and everything was ok,
But I was, but now it’s gone away
Today.

I don’t want to admit,
I can’t get over you,
They laugh and think it’s funny
Coz you never said you loved me to

All these feelings keep swimming in my head,
I don’t know how to put it to bed,
Are they right?
Was I wrong?
Did I know it all along?
Were you just an older boy?
Who played me for a toy?
Or were you the man I loved but have left my side….

Because they were never texted for no reason with kisses for a heart
They never felt that if they weren’t near you their world would fall apart
And they never talked until late at night and with nothing to say,
They were never made to feel special and everything was ok,
But I was, but now it’s gone away
Today.

You left my life about a year ago,

But I still look out for your face wherever I go,

I still have pictures of you,

And all the memories that will never undo,


I can’t concentrate without remembering you,

I can’t stand it that I never knew the truth,

But you’re gone away now and I can’t understand,

You said you loved me, this love was unplanned


You used to call me late in the night,

All the secrets never saw the light,

I would wonder if we would ever be free,

But I was only just thirteen, and you were already sixteen


I can’t concentrate without remembering you,

I can’t stand it that I never knew the truth,

But you’re gone away now and I can’t understand,

You said you loved me, this love was unplanned


We would never admit the truth

And I couldn’t help being in love with you,

You used to act like you loved me to,

But did you really? I never knew….


I can’t concentrate without remembering you,

I can’t stand it that I never knew the truth,

But you’re gone away now and I can’t understand,

You said you loved me, this love was unplanned


Maybe you’ll try to find me someday,

But you’ll find that you missed your chance

People will say she loved you so much,

But you walked away,

With nothing to say…

But I guess for now…..


I can’t concentrate without thinking of you,

I can’t stand it that you never knew the truth,

But you’re gone away now and I can’t move on,

You said you loved me, but your love has gone…..


Maybe you’ll find me someday….

Just a random poem To postpone my english essay,
I guess it's not very good but I'll upload it anyway,

I guess I should tell you a bit about me,
Very nerdy, curly hair, I need glasses to see,

People think they know me- think I'm easy to judge
but they don't, and well, I don't hold a grudge.

I'm the unpopular girl who everyone talks to,
I look quite happy, but you don't know the heartbreak I've been through.

My poems are mixed, but mostly sad.
I guess I should stop writing now- this is getting quite bad

My punctuation isn't good, although I'm getting A's and A*'s,
My head is always in the clouds, I'm maturer than my friends by far.

I'm going to stop writing- so you can move on,
I'm EllaUmbrella and this is my song.