This love is my soul,
This love is my life,
You don't understand me,
You cut it like a knife.

You don't understand me,
And so I live on,
I'm just a lonely girl,
I've done nothing wrong.

You insult me in ways,
You will never understand,
You say I need rifining,
You say I'm too bland.

You can never know,
The feelings I hold,
You would never have guessed,
You have made my heart cold.

My favourite word-
Empty
Why you ask?
Because of a boy.

Thats how i feel now-
Empty
Like all life has been ****** out,
Like I'm alone.

I have not heart-
I'm empty
He left again,
No goodbye, he didn't know that-

I cry for no reason-
Because I'm empty
I can't handle it,
I'll never be the same.

My favourite word now-
Empty

I fell for you,
I didn't want it,
I didn't need it,
but i did.

You left,
I was heartbroken,
but i survived,
almost.

Months went by,
no sign of you for ages,
then out of the blue,
you come back.

My face told the story,
a thousand tears,
all for you,
but you couldn't see.

You couldnt see the hurt,
you couldn't see the pain,
as you walked up the corridor,
that cocky smile you always held.

So I took a breath,
Decided I couldn't run,
or hide,
I wasn't going to show you what you've done.

I spent time with you,
laughed,
talked,
like old times.

But not once did you ask me,
how are you?
what have you been doing?
it was just random chatter.

Because I think you saw it,
the pain in my voice when i asked,
why are you here?
you just smiled

You had to leave in the end,
thats 3 times now,
except this time,
it was different.

It wasn't awkward,
it wasn't sad at first,
we just smiled,
and you turned and walked.

You didn't say goodbye,
neither did i,
we just parted,
it wasn't what i expected.

Of course the real pain came after,
hiding the tears on the way home,
realising all the things i could of said,
what i shouldn't have said.

So when i got home,
when i was alone,
that was when i cried,
ipod in- door closed.

The sad songs,
all reminded me,
of how I still love you
I still miss you.

All* this time,
Months and *months,
getting over you,
forgetting all I knew,

But then you came back,
I didn't know who you were at first,
a man in the distance staring at me,
and then I wave, and see, and know-

It's you.

I gasp for air but no air comes,
my heart doesnt beat it just feels empty.
I feel like the world has ****** out all of my life,
just an empty carcass, a structure without a soul.

It's not fair anymore- i think,
my heart cries but my brain stops it showing,
I ask why you're here and you say you just came by,

BUT WHY?

why do that?
at the end of the year,
after months of no contact-

just show up like everything is fine.

But thats you though,
You use your arrogance and smile against me,

My guards are up at first but slowly i relax,
pretend it's all ok,
that you're not going to leave,
that I'm the innocent little teenager that fell for you.

And my guards fall down,
I let myself be me,
I flirt and you flirt back,

I thought that it would be ok,

But it isn't

As soon as I let myself go it's time to leave,
time to say goodbye,
time to act like nothing happened.
Pretend I hate you in front of my mother,
When in fact I'm still drawn to you,
I still dream and I still love you,

I just can't help it.

And then you walk away,
not even saying goodbye.

Thats the third time now,
the third time I love you and you leave,

and I cry,
But don't let my feelings show to anyone.

Except my ipod and the tear stains on my book.

I love you.

I'll never forget you.

I want you to say you love me,

But I know it will never work.

I know you won't be with me,

I know I'll always be empty.

Waiting,

*Just waiting.....

Sports oh sports,
Oh why do you mock me?
Surely I have made it clear,
Surely you can see?

I've never been an athlete,
I cannot catch a ball,
Why do you make me stand,
I'm so worried I might fall!

I hate the 1500,
The 800 and 100 too,
I can only kick a football,
nothing else i can do!

So sports day oh sports day,
why can't you be banished,
I just want to read books and learn,
oh sports day wont you vanish?

My heart it weeps for forbiddon love,
your dark eyes that haunt mine when my eyes close,
My lips yearn for the touch of yours,
So deperate to reach on my tip toes.

Your tall muscley frame,
Your angled cheekbones that are made by an angel,
Your arrogance that I used to hate,
Without it my life would be hell.

When you ignore me my world breaks in two,
the emptiness that I feel in my heart,
You have made me love,
To forget my broken heart and re-start

I know this has no structure,
I don't really care about that anymore,
I just wanted my thoughts, my love,
and just how much of you I adore.

My Life* was back to *normal,
I had friends, laughs and happiness,
Yet there was always that little part of my brain-
that i ignored.

Because that little part of my brain-
contained you.

Our laughs,
Our fights,
Our text's late at night,
My hopeless dreaming,
and Your normal realism.

But I was fine with that,
You had gone,
And I had eventually realised-
nothing could happen.

No laughs,
No fights,
No texts late at night,
No dreaming of maybe's
No you and me.

So I walked around a bit,
Found myself again.
The giggly, hyper, slightly big-headed,
NerdyTeenager.

Not the depressed,
Overly mature,
(because I had to be like that)
Overly Sensible
Confined.

Just...me


And then it went terribly wrong.
Then i saw you.

Standing by the bus stop next to the kebab shop.
And all of a sudden, my heart beat rises,
My chest rises and falls-
I can't breathe.
It's like you've ****** the life out of me.
But you don't see me.
To busy on your phone.

So I go into the kebab shop,
I watch you from afar,
Still you don't see me.
Then the bus pulls up,
and instead of getting on-
someone gets off.
She gets off.

I don't know her name and I already hate her.

So you walk away with her- she looks so.....happy.

Unlike me.

So  when people say am I over you,
I just say "yes"-
I lie
Still remembering goodbye.

Because when I'm away from you- I move on.
But the moment I see you-

**My whole world crashes down infront of me.