Feeling so defeated
like I can't breathe without your permission
like nothing ever goes right with you around
but I can't let you go
I can't let you leave me alone
i'm afraid for my life if I do
because I love you so much I can't let you go

how can I live
how can I love
without this trust
I'm holding close
You call me your angel
but no, not anymore
you may be my devil
but that doesn't mean you're perfect

Chatter forming round the window panes
Dewdrops falling from your mouth
Splatter into my own mind
Poisoning my own thoughts

You don’t realize how much
I can’t stand to be around you
You don’t realize how much
I hate you when you’re like this
You don’t realize how much
I love to break my heart
You don’t realize how much
I trample myself to stay out of the crossfire

Your voice straining above the others
Sounding to me like music
Trained to move past the barriers
Straight into my soul

You don’t realize how much
I can’t stand to be around you
You don’t realize how much
I hate you when you’re like this
You don’t realize how much
I love to break my heart
You don’t realize how much
I trample myself to stay out of the crossfire

It’s like an addiction
Moving into my blood
One brush isn’t enough to
Cover myself against the pain

You don’t realize how much
I can’t stand to be around you
You don’t realize how much
I hate you when you’re like this
You don’t realize how much
I love to break my heart
You don’t realize how much
I trample myself to stay out of the crossfire

I’m trapped in my own mind,
A cage of my own making
Is it safe in here?
With the walls raised so high
That tumble down with no warning
I’m lost in this darkness that threatens me

Lost in the oblivion
That makes me lose hope
Calling my own name
Trying not to lose myself
But even when it’s mission impossible
I will succeed, no matter the cost

Feeling like I’m broken,
Never going to make it
Always forgotten
When people think of me
It’s with no edging thoughts
Just sadness, no overwhelming grieving

Lost in the oblivion
That makes me lose hope
Calling my own name
Trying not to lose myself
But even when it’s mission impossible
I will succeed, no matter the cost

Another day starts alone
Another day that ends the same way
Feeling like it’s never going to reach
Wherever it’s supposedly going

Lost in the oblivion
That makes me lose hope
Calling my own name
Trying not to lose myself
But even when it’s mission impossible
I will succeed, no matter the cost

You act like you don’t think I know
That I’m annoying
That every time I text you
And you don’t answer
I get mad for no reason
You act like I don’t know
How everyone talks of me
Behind my back
About how I don’t want to
Be popular
How do you expect me not to know
When I can hear them whispering
When you see my messages
So I text you again
Obsessed, you think
But deep down just wanting contact
With someone, anyone who has been
Kind at least once
You act like I don’t get sad
And lonely
When I post things, and no one
Replies
You act like I never loved
And lost the one that I loved
When I’ve suffered a lot of grief
You act like you know me
When you clearly don’t
You only know the picture
Of me that everyone sees
You act like you like me
But how can you
When I am insane
You act like I never knew
That I have no friends
And that I think sitting alone
At lunch
Is a tragedy
You act like everything I do
Is worthy of gossip
When I don’t do anything
Out of the ordinary
You act like reading is a bad thing
That having my nose in a book
Leaves me isolated from the world
The truth is that girl-me-
With her nose in a book
Finds solace in those characters
Because deep inside she feels like an outcast
And feels like she only belongs with
The fictional characters
Like she is not worthy enough
To have contact with other people
That is your fault for shunning her
Into thinking that she has no worth
And though everyone feels like
That sometimes
Try to walk a mile in these shoes
And feel the suffering all the time
The loneliness of when you
Have to partner up
Of working alone because
You have no friends
The loneliness of when you
Have to walk alone
In the halls
And feel like everyone else has
A friend when you have none
And yet you’re stunned by her quiet
Demeanor
The way she holds herself around others
Don’t judge her for would you like
To be her
Don’t judge her until you know
How she lives everyday

Just a soul,
An empty corpse
Waiting for a death sentence
That may never come.
I may be cursed to wonder, endlessly
For my sins
For I have sinned.
And I will never repent
For that means I have regrets
But regrets are empty words
That mean nothing
Because the past just is,
Nothing we can change.

I am just a soul,
My heart mangled beyond repair.
And I can no longer love
For that is part of your plan
To wreck me to the core
And you have succeeded for I am broken

Everyone has a story, a secret
they haven’t told.
Hold it close, for fear of being alone
A map into the stars, they’re hoping to
Find a way to remember
without a way to remind
We hide ourselves
Draw into the shadows when we
have nothing else
Is it lonely out in that world of yours?
Is it lonely to watch your whole world
fall apart at your feet?
The only expression you can show defeat.
Even that’s a stretch,
all you want to do is
stare blankly ahead.
Thinking about what’s gonna happen,
when nothing’s happened yet.
Who needs a heart if it’s only going to break?
It’s better to be heartless,
At times like this
Nothing seems like it’s going the right way.
The wrong turns are going in circles until your dizzy.
And feeling like this is never gonna end.
Because as long as you’re dead inside,
it's an endless cycle that'll never break.