Hurricane

I'm the wind that breaks your roof
The rain that floods your streets
I **** the power
I **** the sunshine
In the sky
And your heart

Like a child you get excited to see me
The first time wanting a new experience
Then you get older
You know what I am
You might fear me
Or just get annoyed
But either way
You don't want me to come

I should stay away
In some cozy place
Like in the middle of the ocean
And when I come you can run
To a place without me
Or a shelter
With a sturdy roof I can't get in.

You wish you could **** me
Shoot a knife made of light
Through my grey clouds
But it's fine

When you come out of hiding
I will be gone
I'll disappear
My raging clouds
Will fade away
Into nothing
And you'll be fine

Till you hear once again I'm on my way

Eli always follows me.
He is on the walls,
the floor,
even in the bathroom.

He looks at me with bloodshot eyes.
His hair is sticking straight up,
like a frightened cat.
His whole body twitches,
but his eyes never leave me.

He hates people.
He never learned how to get along with them.
He always puts nooses around his neck,
or bruises on his body.
Sometimes it’s too horrific for me to even look at.

The worst is when I’m with friends.
When I’m laughing,
having fun,
and feeling like nothing can go wrong.

He can’t stand to see this,
it makes his eyes get ever redder
and more crazy.
He would try to choke me,
try to punch me in the gut.

My friends can’t see that,
so I have to try and ignore him.
I still feel Eli though.
I sense him staring at me
with his crazy eyes.
When I feel like I can’t breath
I know he is trying to **** me
once again

As a hold this gun against my head
I start the think
I start to dread
I look for something in my life
That will stop me from pulling the trigger tonight

I start at home 
My family lined up
My brother shouting ***** 
And my mom screaming **** 
The fade out slowly 
With scowls on their face 
As I continue my search
My hand starts to shake

My friends are before me 
All happy and bright 
I try to get closer 
There backs I do find 
I struggle and struggle 
Until my face hits the ground 
One by one they fade
Pointing and laughing 
My eyes start to water
My finger gets ready 
But my mind starts to wander

I see myself now 
In a mirror so clear
I must find good in me 
For my fate I fear 
My body seems to change
My eyes they look crazy 
My reflection starts to talk 
"Go die already"
It starts the bleed from all limbs 
With black in it's eyes 
I hear a great boom 
And suddenly no more lies

I see the blue light
As my body grows heavy
A spark in the distance 
A fly in the mind

I see the blue light
Coming closer to me
The nearer it comes 
The less I can breath 

I see the blue light 
As it almost blinds me
It's clearing my mind
I can hear a faint scream 

My body grows light
I turn to try and see
But now the blue light 
Is a beam 

My mind is completely blank
The voice is far forgotten 
My body no longer tight 
Now I am happy
To no longer be heavy

Outside the box looking in
Waiting to be invited again
The warm hands guide me towards
And then they order and use 
Until my hands are sore

Completely satisfied 
I'm pushed out once more 
Until they want me again 
When they are needy or bored

My hands compare none
To the pain in my mind
Every time thinking
They will keep in inside

Used as a toy 
Put away when I'm done 
Or a dog *******
Waiting for an owner to come

I press my face against the glass 
Knowing it will never be my home 
I smash my head through it 
Pure silence, not a groan

My blood scattered around
My life sacrificed for what?
To help those who feel down 
And connect the two worlds 
To make the box everyone's home

Air rushing in my eyes
Gliding through the clouds
Souring over buildings
Feeling invincible
Feeling immortal
Free from the oppression
Fees from the chains
That hold me in place
Now free for a day
In the moonlight night
The **** puddles on buildings
Where I land gracefully
To be free of the judgement
Free to be me once more
Until it is time to return to the chains
To the molded to the norm
But I shall not think that
Because for now I am free
Flying through the clouds
To feel invisible
Immortal
For one more day

Closing my eyes
Images burn me
Break my sleep
And my mind

My body hanging
Finally not tense
Eyes rolled back
As I dangle by my neck
Is that how I"ll be free?

Red on the floor
Sticky
Blood
Smoke coming from the barrel
A game of Russian roulette
Where I have lost?
Maybe
But it is only me

I open my eyes
And think about what I see
What I want from me
What I feel from these
Guilt?
Pleasure?
Jealously?
That I feel my skin
And my heart beating.
That instead of the relief
I choose to live
And cry everyday
And will never feel free

But surrounded by friends
I want to make this moment last
This last burst of freedom
Before I go back

To the lust for relief
And the want for death

I just to want to last
To keep forever
The feelings when I'm hugged
When I feel safe
And can relax
My muscles
my mind
My defensive wall

Maybe one day
The imagines will go
But for now
I ignore them
And try to sleep
And when I wake
Try to be happy
The images are fake