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I saved your life
And you saved mine
Those are the truest acts of
Vulnerability
And with those acts
We brought life anew
Our hearts reborn
And together
True
3/16/17
Consumerism

It pulls me in
Never letting go
Stuff
You need more stuff
You need this stuff
You cannot get rid of this stuff
This stuff is important
You love this stuff
This stuff is your life
That's what my stuff has been telling me
Keep me for the future
You may need me
You do need me
I make you happy
You need me to be happy
You need me to have happy experiences
I am your memories
You love me

Do I though?

Do I have the strength to let go?
To clear up space
Make room for new experiences
New opportunities
Instead of collecting stuff
Can I get rid of it all and move forward
Let go of attachments and move onward
Live a life of experiences instead of memories
Memories of my past
My past is held in all this stuff
Others pasts are held in all this stuff
Even though I want it
I don't need it
And now I question if I still want it

No
I don't
I can do it
I can let go
Let go of all the stuff
All the stuff holding me back
I can do it
I will do it
The process has begun

I need strength
I need my own motivation

Let it begin
2/18/17
I wish to escape reality
I wish to change directions
I wish to have new experiences
I wish to have less attachments
I wish to have less worries
I wish to make less mistakes
I wish to stay positive
I wish to move forward
I wish to not doubt myself
I wish to believe in the future
I wish to use everything I have
I wish to be happy with what I do
I wish to be happy with what I have
I wish to feel more content with my life
I wish to be able to give things up
I wish to do more
I wish to be more
I wish to have less anxiety
I wish to believe in myself

I wish to escape reality
I wish to escape
I wish to
I wish
I
Wishes verse reality
Reality verse wishes
1/31/17
It's a day in the life
And once again I feel strife
It's hard to explain
The rick and roll of a roller coaster train
I'm stressed yet I'm calm
Then I fall asleep till dawn
I wake up at five
Feeling all sorts of alive
Semi disappointed but I make up my mind
It's time to get to work and thrive
I'm having trouble focusing but I get it done
Edit and submit
I'm done with it
Shower and decide
It's time for a ride
Hop in the car to the train
Smiling cause I'm insane
To the station I arrive
But my ticket but then
I snap for a moment
The mood is ruined
I feel like crying
I'm on my way in
I want to see the tree
I want to see my love
He's annoyed
I'm crying
What will happen
When I arrive
Breathing exercises
I'll still go see the tree
With or without him
I'm not dependent
But I am in love
Then I'll turn around and leave
Back to the train
Back to the car
Back to my bed
And on to a new day
12/3/16
Dear Father,
I feel,
sad.
I wish we had more of a relationship.
I love you.
I wish you'd understand that,
even though my path isn't yours,
it's still right for me.
I wish you'd accept that,
I'm in an interracial relationship,
and extremely content.
You're conditioned.
I know that's not really who you are though.
You once told me,
the story of when you worked on the boats back in the day.
You and your friend went for a drink at the bar.
They said they'd serve you but not him, because he's black.
You both left and went around to the other entrance,
where they served you both.
That's the man and father I know you are.
I respect that.
That taught me respect.
That taught me to love and respect everyone, to the beset of my ability.
What happened?
I love you.
I also love him.
Maybe we can have more of a relationship one day.
I would love that.
One day far in the future,
when I get married to the love of my life,
regardless of who that ends up being,
I want to dance with my first true love.
The one who taught me to value relationships and look for kind men.
That's you,
Father.
That's you.
My love.
6/12/16
We sit by the water
You take my hand
You tell me there's been something
You've been wanting to share with me
For a long time

"I love you," he says
"I love you too," you say

His words wash over you
Emotions array
The moment of frightening excitement
The moment you've been waiting for

"Are you happy?" he asks
"I am very happy," you reply

And you both smile
As you'd never before
6/5/16
*Based upon event that happened on Memorial Day, 5/30/16
I could love you.
If you'd let me.
Let's be real.
I'm just as scared as you are.

You're not ready.
I don't know if I've ever been ready.
Things just happen.
Suddenly something changes.

Different feelings start to seep in.

Let them.
Let me.
Let you.
Love me.
Love you.
12/14/15
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