“Do you have a heart?”
He asked, as he looked at me
Drawing assumptions of me by my clothing and attitude
“Yes…” I replied,
Uncertainly waiting for the next words
The words I knew he would ask
As he watched me eating with two friends
In McDonalds
“Will you buy me a meal?” he asks
“I really can’t right now” I reply
Knowing that there is a chance I could add money to my account
A chance I could go ahead and buy him something
“Do you have a heart?” he asks again
Now I’m not certain of if I do
I still don’t buy him anything
His next words are a shock to all those around me
“*******”
I pause for a moment
And make the choice to continue my conversation with my friends
Telling them about the TED Talk I watched about
“The Danger of a Single Story” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
I don’t know this man’s story
Yet,
He doesn’t know my story either
Man,
Did you know that I bought this food I’m eating with food stamps?
I came into McDonalds and bought apple pies for one dollar
In order to have a place to sit down and eat
And use the bathroom
I walk out the door
Another man is begging on the street
He makes eye contact with me and goes
“No I mean her, she’s the one with the money”
I am not white privileged
He doesn’t know that what I have, I earned
My parents worked their ***** off for what they have
For what they have given me
I am not rich
I have had amazing opportunities
I have worked hard for them
I am extremely grateful and sometimes feel
Selfish
For what I do have
Who says that I should feel selfish for having enough money to eat?
Why does society dictate that
Because I am a white female and
Wear nice clothes
That it means I haven’t bought half my wardrobe from thrift stores
Or received hammy downs from my older sisters
Yes,
I have a lot of material items in my life
But no,
I was not handed everything in life
I have and am still working hard
For the opportunities I have in my life
My junior year of college
My bank account went down to where I couldn’t withdraw anymore or I would
Start losing money and get in trouble
That feeling of being poor
It didn’t sit right with me and maybe it’s true
Maybe I do have a cushion of money right now
But I made myself a promise that year that I
Would never be poor
I would make decisions in my life that would lead to
Prosperity,
Within reason
I would get ahold of and learn to control my
Willpower
The power to say no
The power to make certain decisions
To control my spending and
At least one aspect of my life
Which I really cannot control
At all
No,
I did not buy you a meal
Yes,
I wondered what made me make this decision
And yes,
Five to ten minutes later I heard glass fall to the ground
I turned and saw the alcohol
I heard you cursing everyone else out in the store
I heard you not really thinking about anything other than
This drug
You are on drugs
Am I a bad person?
Does it make me a bad person because
I do not give money or buy a meal for
Every single homeless person that I see or meet
Whether on the streets or in a
McDonalds
I made a choice
A decision
I have bills to pay
I feel that society dictates that in order to
Practice what you preach
You need to always be giving
But I feel as though
Within reason you can give
And within certain situations you can give
I choose to give
When I can see that a person
Is attempting to help themselves
By finding shelter
And going to a place that can help them
Rather than just feed their addiction
Tell me I’m hard
Tell me I’m not
Practicing what I’m preaching
But in this world
In this economy
In this life
How can you be completely selfless
At all times
And survive
How can you
Give all of what you have
Without keeping any bit
You can
I’ve seen it happen
And I know that
I’m a selfish person
And yet
I feel that self-awareness is the key to
Social awareness and that
You need to find yourself inside and
Help yourself before you can
Find others and
Help others
Yes,
I may be selfish at times
Yes,
I did not buy you a meal
Judge me,
If you will
Another person just bought you food and
You did not thank them because
You are trying your best to survive in your situation while
I’m trying my best to survive in mine
You don’t know me
You may know a single story of me
But that doesn’t define who I am
Or maybe it does
Overall though,
I’m human

What do you do
When you want to speak
Yet the fear encompasses you
When you dare to face
The uncertainty that flows
From communication with others
That could potentially dissolve
A peaceful setting
Bringing
Discord
The chaos of conflict
It scares me
I don't like it
Whether it is positive or negative
It's uncertain
It's unknown
It's scary to not know
How can I be silent?
Partly because
It's what I've always done
It's what I know
It's how I act and feel
It's almost a part of me
But
It's really not
The harmonious silence of
The darkness
The unknown
To me
It's a different kind of silence
It's a
I'm holding back from expressing
myself because I don't want
to cause anything that would
make me have to feel discomfort
and be uncomfortable
Type of silence
LOUDER!
was my pledge
Yet in silence I sit
Hoping
Wishing
Praying for the moment
When things will magically
fix themselves
Aggression won't be necessary
Discomfort won't occur
But
it is necessary
Like thoughts translating
to words through a pen
onto paper
it's necessary
Change
is necessary

You don't need all the negativity
that you keep giving yourself.
  You don't need anyone but yourself.
  You need to shape up and start
living your life again.
  You feel a lot.
  And that's okay.
  Stop censuring your words girl.
  Words are meant to be spoken.
  Speak Your Mind.
  If you don't, what good will
come of your thoughts?
  Why let fear control your life?
  Even if you want everyone to
be happy, there's a chance it won't
happen.
  If you have days when you don't
want to be happy, don't others
deserve the same liberty and freedom?
  The answer is yes.
  Yes, they do.
  Even though you like to say
impossible is nothing.
  Even though, not as much now,
you try to strive towards making
the impossible, possible.
  It may be better to strive to
work within the realm of possibility.

Starry eyes glazing through the night
  sky
Lost in thought, she gazes out over
  the horizon
Beyond the beauty of the sunset,
  the darkness awaits

Change is a powerful thing
Change leads to transformations
    whether positive or negative
    is up to the person
How can we say that
    always changing is a good thing?
The so called "comfort zone"
    is not always the place to leave
The "challenge zone" can happen
    within "comfort zones"
Many things could, should, would
    change
    --have changed
Inner change leads to outer change
I feel myself changing inwardly,
    both positively and negatively
    both in and out of service
My environment,
    our environment,
effects myself
effects others
    How can it not?
Life
    is a powerful thing
Changing our life is challenging
Too much change at once
    can be negative,
    rather than positive
Personally,
    I will work on developing a
    "comfort zone"
    within the "challenge zones"
        (yes plural)
    I have stepped into
Afterward,
    I will be able to thrive

I'm looking for lyrics to explain my mood
and find that I cannot find them
I need inspiration to help me move
into a new place for my soul
Things happen, things happen
things never slow down
it seems life will always keep moving
But why can't I feel honest
and be honest in saying
the way I am actually feeling
I am ***** and bold
in my mind that is
but my outsides show nothing at all
I want someone to share with
my feelings and yet
I don't want to give myself up
I want innocence and adulthood
all wrapped up in one
I ask myself, is that even possible
Because it seems as though today
in this world I am in
instant gratification is the norm
and innocence is a thing of the past
Why can't I let my feelings show
without turning inward
I cannot let go
of my past

Nerve endings
Tingling
The soft touch
The affect
The feeling
The affection
The physical contact
The friendship
I am falling
                asleep
                      pleasantly