When I long for more
I pause
Reflect
Reconnect and touch base
with my body and soul
Where is this restlessness
stemming from?
What is at the root
-this desire
What do I desire most?
Long for
Truly long for
It may be ever changing
or perhaps it simply
shifts
glides
morphs
it’s essence remaining
unmoved
Awaiting my return
to my senses
to my true essence
to my undeniable
Truth.

When I read about grief, I begin to think about the things I’ve losses and the things I’m scared to lose.

I have so much love to give and so much to share with others, but I’m also scared of the process and the naysayers.

I feel like I should’ve be, yet I am.

I don’t want to feel and be so constricted, but then when I have space I don’t necessarily know what to do with it.

I haven’t been dancing and I’ve been avoiding past tools.

It’s like I no longer feel comfortable or drawn to use them.

I’m grieving a stage of my life that I enjoyed and a part of me that felt free.

When the moon falls down
the tides change
the air shifts
things are changing

From rupture comes
rapture
The in-between hurts
The shift is uncomfortable

I need to change
to shift my ways
to make way for my
new way of being

I am angry with the way
Change appears to
attack me
Necessitating action
Not in my own
comfortable timing
Instead in its own
timing

I want these new changes
I’m also scared of
this shift
I need help

Dear moon,
Why are you shifting
in this manner?
I’m scared and I need
help
I’m vulnerable like
this
I know I can do this
I don’t know if I can
maintain this
I don’t really want
to commit to this
Not in this manner
When I feel I have no
choice
Please help me to release
attachment
Release the fear
Reclaim my power
Control only my own
actions
I need help

I feel like I’m meant for more
I miss my wild
My succulent nature
My rebellious don’t give a ****
My colorful aura
My dance anywhere
My bare feet strolls
My true nature

Sometimes I feel stuck in a moment like I cannot move forward or backwards or in between

Sometimes I overwhelm myself with my own thoughts which want to be organized but then just freeze

Sometimes I curl up in fetal position from the sheer overbearingness and exhaustion stemming from wanting to do everything and nothing at the same time

Sometimes I feel guilty for not connecting with people who have been in my life for a long time

Sometimes I overthink each and every little small detail and scenario

Sometimes I have moments of resisting joy and pleasure in life

Sometimes I want to spend the day dreaming instead of doing

Sometimes I’m tired and need more time to do nothing

Sometimes I’m overwhelmed with life

Sometimes I’m just human

“I have something to say”

He is seated across from me
We are at the kitchen table
This intense look on his face

He has this way of
preluding his thoughts

Almost as if he’s
working up the courage
to be vulnerable

“I need you”

I feel this bubble inside
my heart

“I need you too” I reply

He asks to not discuss
it further

Rather, he simply
wants it known

His intensity draws me

I agree
I smile

“I need you”
“I as well”

I’m staring at the reflection
Of two shadows dancing
Moving towards and away
Playing and teasing
In and out of existence
Moving in a circle
Existing in their aliveness
Breathing life
Into the mundane