She must have heard the heartbeat bass drumming on my soul as she walked by,
In step to my own music.
The folk chords that created my favorite songs
Generated your will to march onward.
The car radio spoke the language that we discerned in an interstellar quantity.
Like morse code, we channeled our platonic love through soul vibrations that
traveled the ground up through our skin.

I wish I could cradle you as we breath in synchronicity with the pulse of the earth.
My steps will reach your pumping heart and it will long to be connected through the time of our music.
And I'd never need another soul to complete my harmonics,
You understand what humanity means and what connection gives
In hourless presents.

There's a point in life where examination and reevaluation is necessary.
When you feel as though you've hit not rock bottom, but the bottom of the rocky depths in below freezing oceanic waters
Where only eels would prefer to thrive.

And this place is when gay movie *** turns you on due to lack of ****** ******* in your own life.

I have reached the ocean's floor and am slowly drowning in a mixture of embarrassment and shame
As I watch my dad's eyebrows raise while I
Too intensely stare at the TV screen.


I understand if you judge, but for a moment just remember that all you ******* have a **** to go home to.
Then give a girl some sympathy.

I asked a flower one day where the world's going to go.
She shook her head and laughed,
Responded with an
"I Don't know".

I asked a bird one day when time will stop.
She motioned at the perched oak branch over our heads and whispered
"When this branch drops".

I asked a fawn one day if things will ever change,
She whinnied and stomped her feet,
As if I'd asked something strange.

So I sought next no less than the absolute best, the most humble of all that I could guess.
I found the blue whale, perfect and pale with his perpetual grumbling wale.
And I ask him where the answers were
But he said
"Child, save yourself, and no longer wonder".


If peace can't find these questions answered,
Then what does anything mean that I've heard?

I'd like to know if I am real.
Everything is too perfect to endure reality,
Pristine processes in a scuffed world.
Just enough oxygen for sustainability, connecting anatomic creations in perfect harmony.
Just the right gravity for breathing capabilities but enough to keep us grounded,
Just the perfect set of genes, containing electrons to keep cells clamped in geometric patterning.
Just the right degree of an axis to create all elements of nature, to nurture a 45th parallel with such virginity.
Just enough atmosphere to keep our fingers grasping, to stir vibration between atomic beings.
Just enough death to keep the cycle continuing.
Just barely.
But no one cares.

I'd like to know where we are going.
Not kinesthetically, no, but where we are going.
I think the world may turn backwards sometimes, and I'd like to know if that's true,
If it's ever going to happen,
And the circumstances, the consequences.
I'd like to know the circumference of Earth and compare it to the universe,
And remind myself of just how insignificant I am, we are, even all together.
But no one cares

I'd just like to know the answers to these questions seldom pondered.
I'd like to know the reason for everything.
Is it too much to ask why I am here, how I exist and what made me throb in those first moments of conception?
Do I dare wonder how my cells gathered courage enough to grow?
Do I dare guess how my parents earned a blessing so intimate?
I'd like to think my poems can seep into catatonic veins and make mountains with my words,
Is it too bizarre to believe the world may someday stop turning,
That it may reverse, and all of time will become corroded with processed steel and carbonated flesh?


I suppose I understand the methods of this flock.
I suppose I will follow as countless did before me.
"For the better", they bleat in monotonous drilling, chipping and cracking my weakened femurs,
And no longer can I continue like this.
I give in.
"I can't, you can't make me", I bleat, I cry so loud.
The trees plug their ears and watch each lifeless body
March over mine into the nuclear filled wasteland
And drink from its waters,
And the monster's tentacles slither around each sheep belly and drags them
In silent procession.
The lake ***** them dry and the radiation singes their woolen coats.
"For the better", they bleat
As the world falls down around me
And I am trapped with glass knocking me unconscious as it falls from San Diego to Chicago,
From Singapore to Moscow.
"For the better", I bleat, as I remember all the poems that smoldered to ashes before I put them on paper.

So I find my answer, too late to share with the others,
That yes, the world now halts its sluggish canter,
And the crunching of rock shudders beneath me,
And yes, the winds reverse, and we are moving backwards in a direction that never mattered to anyone other than me.
"For the better", I bleat, as the peak of the Chrysler building free-falls and splits my mind in two.
And all those prose, wandering and wispy,
Forever grow weight and sink into soil.

I think you should have made me say sorry
Before I had to come to the realization myself.
All the backs rubbed, padded fingers
Bruised in futile comfort
Came from you doing, living you, yourself,
Your normal of
**** it, **** happens.

No, I'm not angry at myself, because
You plant these seeds yourself and let them
Diffuse into your acidic tasting soil,
Dirtied by all of the forgotten questions
And
Dismembered, overcarressed words.
Stuffing filled ******* you shoveled
Over your shoulder,
Back onto the pile.

There's value you tirelessly overlook
In ending a fight,
Finishing a thought,
Having emotions,
Being a human.

It's your well deserved turn now,
You can do it,
   Just inhale
     Languages
     ****** expressions
     Subtitles
     Paraphrases
     Gestures
     Pantomimes
   With fluidity as each atomic being sifts through continuing passages

And go.
   Exhale,
           No, you're doing it wrong.
   Breath.   Out.
    What you feel,
Release,
      Allow me passage inside,

I've only wanted to help all this time.


         I guess we'll just start here.