I've learned the way to close my eyes
Somewhere
And open them
Elsewhere

When pursued by a hunter
Somewhere
I can lift myself and fly
Elsewhere

When locked in battle with a difficult foe
Somewhere
I can choose to accept a reality
Elsewhere

While dreaming of demons and monsters
Somewhere
I close my eyes, curl in on myself, and awaken
Elsewhere

There are hidden things
Traits I must conceal
Feelings and Beliefs
That known, would give me grief

Those I wish to tell
Would say I'll burn in hell
If they only understood the love
That's buried underneath

There is a game you like to play
To make our conflict go away
A game that starts with an angry me
And ends with you getting all you dream

My reasons are valid, you have no true logic,
So suddenly you frown and say,
I am a monster, I'll go away

So far removed from the initial crime,
I am distracted, distressed, and designed
To help you from your misery
You're no monster, let me make you see

This is wrong, it is a crime,
To take my heart, control my mind
Over and over you use this line
I won't fall for a monster this time.

Make me forget my name, and all the worries that go with it
Gentle breeze, caress me
Lapping waves, leech away my aches
Bending limbs, relax me
Deep massage, remake me

Brush through my hair, to raise it
Trace my lips, my jaw, my neck
Put the world back in perspective
Doing this reminds me;
I will be alright
Everything is fine
And my only job in this moment
Is to enjoy it, when you
Touch me

You got in!
You are going to the college of your dreams!
And I'm jazzed that you're getting what you need to be
You!
You're going halfway around the world to do what
You
Most want to do.
You
Couldn't be happier.
You
Couldn't imagine the questions that
I have.

First, and foremost,
What about us?
What do you expect me to do?
I feel guilty because, though I'm happy for
You
I'm depressed and angry too.
Six years I've
Waited
Wanted
You
Three more, without
You
But I'm stuck, because
You got in
To my heart.
I can't just leave you,
I can't do anything but wait for
You
Again and again, because
I love you.

So what am I supposed to do?
Learn to live with and without you?
I'm sorry, but I don't want to.

When will it be right to want what I want?

When will the world cease to stop me at all?

I don't think it's wrong to want what I do,

So why must I wait?                            
                                      Wait for the money?
Or for the timing?
                                      Or for that sweet day

When you finally free me and keep me?

For love can't be wrong when it's patient, but

I know not how much longer to be strong.

Or should I just take

                                    Myself out of it

And learn to make my dreams come true alone?

This is the question that keeps me at bay,

From either pulling or pushing away.

I smile
We laugh and talk of the usual things
Summer, Fall, Winter to Spring
I see you as more
You see me as well
So we're together, blossoming with love
I smile
I can't help it!
There's something in your eyes
I trust you with myself
You trust me back
We now have a bond, untouchable
I give to you, you give to me
We complete each other it seems
I smile
Doubts.
Suddenly you're leaving
Nothing to be done
I dream and pray that you'll find a way
You wonder if I'll ever betray
That's something I would *never do
Your doubts and distrust
My fears and panic
We are apart
I smile
You are not leaving, no
And even if you were, so?
Can't love break through anything?
I see that without you I am not whole
Part of me is gone
I'm lonely without you
You feel the same?
Then together again, we're glad
I smile
Now we take it one step further
You hold me, as I hold you
Never let this moment end* I pray
Then you surprise me
A kiss
So simple, yet so wonderful
Another, more, and longer
I feel the bond grow so much stronger
So strong in fact, and everlasting
I start to doubt
I smile
I feel I must, for your sake
If you detect anything amiss
You would be hurt beyond belief
But still this persistant nagging,
Too intense, too much pressure
Are you sure he loves you?
Do you really love him?
I smile
Yet you see right through it all
You know something is gone
Something is lost
You **** a little, and out comes too much
We can't be together
Living this lie
I don't love you, you don't love me
How childish do you want to be?
To believe in something you've never felt.
I see your eyes fill with tears
Of anger and distrust and sorrow
I see this pain and can no longer bear it
Anymore
I smile
For your sake
Maybe if everything seems alright to me
You will heal faster
I see you grieving, as though someone died
I want to run to you,
To hold you
To comfort and tell you I feel the same way!
....
But if I do, won't that just undo all of the
Acting,
Protecting, and
Careful avoidance of your eyes
That I've been suffering through
Only to try to help you?
So though it hurts more than words could say,
Though everything in me longs for us again,
Though all I want is your arms and heart,
I stand tall,
Act normal,
          And Smile

Fred
The little baby girl
So full of life
Elizabeth
The child so eager
To take all that life
Can give her
Lizzy
The superstar wanna-be
Creating a dream
Holding on so tightly
Liz
Responsible, caring
She sees the world
With new eyes
And drops her head
Ardilla
She copes, she lives,
Yet she knows
The hope is gone
Angel
In love,
In glorious
Infatuation
Idzy*
Growing patient and kind
Planning and learning
Making her own place in life
And carefully keeping
Her dreams at bay
So that he will
Ask her one day

Infected
Contagous
Marked

I know my sins
I guess I'm deserving
My eyes are wide awake
Life isn't easy
God is just
It was my time.

I love you God
With all my soul
I'm sorry, God, for among sinners
I am the worst
I never cared
Yet now I fear and love thee
Your powers are greater
Than I ever knew
To take an innocent like me
To put me through fire
And come back to see
That I need you

This scar upon me is fading
Yet the scar upon my heart
Stays true
A constant reminder
Ever present
You aren't your own
I can take you away

I belong to you, God
From you and this
I'll never stray
'Til the end of my life
From this very day

The world
Or him

Choose between
A safe, calm, ignorant life
And the
Right life for me

My parents' ideals
Or mine

Give in, give up this pain
And forever lose him

My heart breaks at this
Choice

I've given up my
Friends, comfort, dreams,
Nearly everything
For him
And now this

I wish it wasn't so hard, but
It's still worth the pain
If you have true love
If you have salvation
If you have a happy life
Why would you give it all up?
For a faulty marriage,
Damnation, and a lifetime
Of regrets

I won't
I refuse to let this go

They can hurt me,
Take everything away from me,
But they can't change this
And if they can't accept it
I'll leave

High
Up on top of cloud nine
If I sing I'll jump
An octave or more

I feel like smiling
Like laughing and running
No, not running away
Running to you!
Running into your arms,
Laughing as we
Embrace
Once more

This won't last forever
So I'll hold on
To this joy that I
Feel like nothing is wrong

It all comes back
To You

Without you I'd be
Nothing

I can't see life
Without your words
Your life means so much

I can hide nothing
From you
Nor do I want to

With each boundry
We cross
The more confident
I grow,
That we will have
Forever; of course, to this
I won't admit, that
*You're the one

The city sleeps
A moment in time

As every shadow grows
The light in my eyes grows farther

Lights, far and distant
Glowing perpetually as the sky
Clouded over from rain

A message, but it is no more
Than a wish

Soft, wet sprinkles of life
Fall upon my hard fingertips

A door, a small flash

I try so hard to see,
To see only that I wish not to see

A gentle breath across my face
Ice cool against my pulsing flesh

The night grows deep blue at one side
The far country of the east
The orange sky to the west is the city

Quiet and calm
Pulsing and constant
Both joyous and calming

A light goes out,
Though I never saw it on

A door, once again

This ever-present light
Separates me
But my love is equal
In both worlds

The city sleeps