Colors fade together
Lines blur
Madly, truly, deeply, for an instant
Moved to hate, in an instant

I wish so despairingly
That I could Love You
But know that I never will

I wish so desperately
that I could Love Someone,
Anyone
Yet I know I never can

Bones elongate, stretch to impossible lengths
Soul trapped inside
Manically rattling its prison walls

Begging to live
To be set free to hug the steaming pavement until
Skin slithers away like worms;
Mindless, fearful

Begging to love you, whoever you are

Bag of bones, I adore you so,
Now you watch me
But I cannot see you through the
thick, thick
fog

Just remember,
the worlds that encase us are nothing but dreams

It is so strange to think.
That the world is nothing.

What do we have.
If everything we know is nothing?

It seems that we might
have everything.

Do you hear that you insidious close-minded mongrels?

We could
have everything.

We possess the power to control,
our dreams.
To control,
our hallucinations.

Do you hear that you spineless congregation?

Stop casting the revolutionaries into sweeping generalizations
of psuedo-intellectuals
and anti-theologians
and soulless lunatics.

You have no idea what you are missing.
You have no idea what you are ******* with.

This world will be your hell if you do not
embrace it,
understand it,
control it,
unravel it.

Do you hear that you mindless sheep?

You be lead where you please but I will shake your very foundations.

You would fear me if you had the mind.
You would love me if you had the heart.

Your gut feelings are more than superstitions.

Do you feel that?

I do not understand how you do not lead
inquisitions
about the
superposition
of your
existence.

You may choose to be blind.

But the universe will laugh, heartily,
at that.

As will I,
and the smoke,
it will curl from my lips as the corners of my mouth transcend into a delectable giggle.

And I will laugh, heartily,
at that.

I slammed the door.
an echo strained it's way
throughout the universe
with a
shudder.


that made still even the pattering of children's feet.
or so i thought.
i believed myself to be far more powerful than i truly was,
or, perhaps, i was more powerful than i could possibly fathom.
regardless,
i shut the door.
i shuffled throughout the cold room.
white walls,
black tile floor
glinting in the fluorescent light.
cold radiated throughout the room
it was impossible to tell whether that cold
was inherent to the room or
if the room was inherent to the cold.  
regardless,
i shivered.
my body shook violently with the disgusted vibration of a
million
angry
bees.  
i continued to walk, the hallway stretched forever.
each step added
a
m
i
l
l
i
o
n
inches
to the length i would never cross.
Zeno crossed my mind.  
I had never believed he was correct but in that moment,
i could never doubt him.  
I took a step, the hallway stretched,
I took a step, the hallway stretched.  
I took a step,
the cold permeated the pores of my body.  
I took a step,
the fluorescent lights stung my eyes.  



At last, the end of the hallway.

I did not see a mirror but, rather,
an alternate universe.  
I saw myself,
most poised and calm as I had ever been.  
I could not be the same person
That I was staring at.
This being pored into my soul.  
This person gnawed upon my
mind and
exhilarated my senses.  


This could not be me.  
The eyes across the glass, identical to mine own.
stared.
stared.
until i was forced to look away.
i glance back.
the eyes continued to
stare.
continued to
stare
with an entrancing understanding
that i did not even bother to wish upon myself
the base futility of this wish rendering it meaningless.
this being, this was not me.
another realm i had seen,
for only that moment.  
another realm so close,
i may just have touched it.

There is no time more bleak and promising than the break of dawn.
The eggshell sky beckons with a powdery blue which promises of nobler and greater things just beyond our ever reaching grasp.

Rain slaps the pavement,
Low thunder grumbles, hungering and thirsting for more,
For me.

Shrill bird calls
the homely call of the crow
speckle the air with a spirit of understanding
(and a building intensity)
that simply cannot be felt ever again.
At any other time.

And I light a cigarette.
And I light a cigarette
because just like that.
The Beauty is gone.

Because in the time that it takes to coat the innards of my lungs with just one more layer of sludge,
The Beauty is gone.

The soft blue is usurped by a dull grey,
--a great that could only dream of the powerful
sting of a steel blade.

And people come alive again.
And my heart is broken.
Again.
Again, again, and
Again with the pathetic whorish promise of what could be,
but has not been,
and possibly never will be.

And yet I still hope,
And yet I still yearn for the promise of the powdery blue.

I will survive.
No I am not referencing popular culture.  
I am referencing a movement so much larger than that.  
I am referencing an epic movement which centers around the
***** in the middle of my hand.  
I am referencing myself.  
Everyone and their brother, literally,
can ******* and die.  


The amount of a **** that I give is
so low,
because,
I am moving on.  


I am rising up.  
I will stand up proud.  
I am human and I am only human
and I will accept this,
as will the rest of the world because I will
shove it down their throats just like the
***** that have been shoved down
mine.  


I will regurgitate all your rotting ******* *****
and I will laugh at the
horrified look on your face
when you realize that I simply
do not
give a ****
anymore.  


I will cherish every second of the
fear and trembling
you ******* cowards feel
and deserve to feel
as you watch me grow into a giant,
as you watch me walk all over you with
a kind of self-respect that can only be found
in novels and movies.  


You will watch me laugh
as I wash away the filth you've ground me into,
you will watch me morph
into a woman that would never look
twice
at a man that even resembles the likes of you.  


You will watch me forget your name,
forget your very existence.  And I will not give a flying ****.