so you decide to choose the small waist, smooth cheeks, long hair and straighter teeth.
you decided to open your mind for her to teach you things i’ve been begging to teach you for months. you take time to take interest in her favourite things such as music, shows, colours, what she smells like. you notice her talents. you want to watch her grow. she’s the most beautiful girl in the world. you didn’t want to wait till it was too late.

but what about when you hear her sing? what if she learns your favourite song on guitar; taking hours out of her day to create something to do nothing but make you happy? are you going to envy her? not show her the attention she deserves or refuse to listen to her pour her heart out through song, just because you don’t acquire the same talents? will you tell her it wouldn’t be bad if she changed her image? will you flirt with her friends in front of her? what about push her around or mess with her head? will you manipulate her? throw her heart that she poured on the table to the floor? will you take advantage of her vulnerable body? will you trick her that you’re reaching for her heart when you spread her legs in the backseat of your car? will you absentmindedly tell her you will love her again just to leave her for the dark haired girl with fair skin and soft lips?

of course you wouldn’t do that to her.

                    you already did that to me.

it’s crazy what people deem “beautiful”. you leave your girl for one with darker hair to compliment her fair skin. you choose her because if her softer lips, clear skin, silkier hair, brighter eyes. that’s always what it is. you leave for what social media deems beautiful.

thinking back even a year ago is weird.
i don’t even recognize the people i’m seeing.
you’ve changed
for the better? i don’t know.

i hope you’re happy.

i am.

no i’m not in a new relationship
              but i’m moved on.

however, for some ******* reason

                    you reside in the crooks
              of my thoughts sometimes.

you’ll come up in my mind out of
         nowhere.

but when i try to picture your face,
            i can’t see anything.

you’re just a blur to me now.
          
                 i can’t recognize you — the new
                                                                    you.

because it is definitely not who i met
              three years ago.

you won.


you ******* *******.


you won my ******* home.

sometimes i still think about you.
i think about how happy you might be without me.
are you?
happy without me?
is she everything i wasn’t?
does it feel the same when she touches you?
or when she says your name?
does it feel the same lying next to her?
do you ever forget that she’s not me?
does she make you as happy as you said she did?
or did she slowly stop when she found out she won?
that she was able to take you away from me.

“please spend the rest of your
                     life with me”





                                     “i fully intend to.”

i’ll never be able to wash it away.
your touch,
your kiss,
your hug,
your false love
and pretentious lies.

i’ll forever have you in the corner of my mind.
you’ll stay there,
reminding me how someone can stop loving you.
how someone can watch you cry
and lie awake in pain.
how someone can play with your heart
and not worry about the consequences.

you swore to high heavens that i was the one,
“you are the love of my life”

as you leave me

for her.