Do not feel bad,
my tears are just watering the gardens in my skin
these scars are only reminders that
I was once alive
And I know the fire inside me threatens to explode

But it will make for a beautiful picture

You traced the marks on my back and told me they looked like the big dipper
I wanted to tell you that your eyes shone brighter than any orbs of light we have desperately tried to make into
constellations
We have created stories for every star
Put so much thought into every light in the sky
Just to wish on them as they fall
When in reality

The north star is going to fall someday
And you'll still find your way just fine

I seem to think that if I start to wear a hole in the carpet I’ll have cleared my head but it always seems like I just end up with blisters on my feet and more holes in my chest than in the ground. And it’s hard because I feel like I am forcing myself to get over something that one does not simply get over in one night for someone who I should have given the time of day to years ago. It would have made my life much simpler but yet here I am stuck walking back and forth with nothing in my hands or my heart that makes any sense to me at all. I feel mostly empty and the walls are starting to look kind of sad and maybe if I scream loud enough the echoes will be the glue that keeps my mask together because ****** I’m trying my best to be strong. And I’m caught in a web of who knows what just hoping that I can see straight long enough to make the right decisions and who knows if my vision is even correct. I might need glasses, soul glasses. Clarity is something I struggle with and unfortantely no amount of back and forth is going to help me in any way but I would like to think it does. The path on the carpet is softer than the rest and maybe because of that I think about how this path is making my life feel more soft on my feet also. The blisters are just here to remind me that takes work. But I don’t want to work I wish everything turned out the way I thought it would a couple months ago, but life is never that simple. I did realize that I loved you for the way we interacted while both being ourselves and although I can do that with a lot of people with you it was different and the connection we had I will never get back with anyone. My music teacher told me that you never really get over anyone and I am starting to think that is true but how can I move on if this isn’t ever over?
I want to wait for you but everyone and everything is telling me I shouldn’t
I almost fell to the ground when I saw you yesterday
Love is tearing me apart

these tears
taste like
house fire
because you were once
my
Home