I look up at the clock
Tick tock
One second goes by then another, then another  
I look up to see the teacher staring at me with expectant eyes
I can't begin to think about what to do I scan the room all eyes on me like I'm the last piece of pie on thanksgiving
I can't even muster out a single what before she answers for me
My monster she's carefully picking her words so I don't have to worry
The teacher starts her lecture again
Seconds pass by then minutes
I raise my shaking hand and her eyes fall on me
Please teacher may I go call home no I'm not bleeding,no I'm not dying
Just please teacher may I please go home
Why you ask
I've been sitting here in pain
These thoughts that have consumed my brain remind me that I do not belong here
But I still try to act normal as if my monster does not follow me everywhere
She keeps these thoughts in my head hour after hour minute by minute
They do not stray they do not waver
I get up taking step by careful step
Trying not to collapse no matter how heavy my heart is my I will walk step by careful step
Shaking hands, heavy heart, exploding lungs still grasping for air, mind with a busy sign up constantly
I can not begin to think what my monster is doing
I just watch carefully through glossed over eyes I feel like an outsider
Teacher can I ask you a question
How would you feel if every time you spoke they were not your words being spoken
If every time you tried to smile a crushing weight was put on your mouth
If every time you tried to even think about doing something you felt like you might just burst
If everyone in the world had my monster would they survive or strive
Because I'm barely surviving
Now it's time for me and anxiety to go before I lose the courge not to cry