For years now, you have been with me,
Watching each move, eavesdropping conversations
Without knowing it, we have been closely knit
Into a thread ball made of dialogues and actions

You were a part of my art-house movie,
But leading role never belonged to you,
Because you chose to stay aside and pull strings,
Making the actors understand your cues.

For years now, I have been your every action,
The part of your desires and your hopes,
Without knowing it, we moved in one direction
To meet again and tighten our knot.

I was the seed you planted in your heart,
You were the water, nourishing this tree,
The tree kept growing, even when rain stopped,
There’s no way for it to be again a seed.

We deny what we can’t control
And pretend to feel nothing hard,
Hiding sadness behind thick walls,
Setting up violent guards.

We get tested day after day
By refreshing strikes of fate,
But emotions find their way
To keep us alive and awake.

Then we breathe them in and out,
Being poisoned to death with smoke
That remained after the fire,
Which suppressed feelings awoke.

But we manage to stay alive,
Getting angry and crashing walls,
We will grab our right to thrive,
Fall in love with whoever we want.

Break the time into little pieces
And taste each moment one thousand times
To see how I grew from a girl to a princess
In your provocative and teasing eyes.

Remove from my memory all sad glances,
You threw at me when the silence lingered ,
And put on willingly my thick pink glasses
Not to feel like I need to deal with it.

See the image of me change in your eyes
From the charming princess to a secret friend,
And think back to the cold scotch-fuelled night,
When I finally let you grab my hand.

As teenagers we think of funny things:
We trust first boyfriends, run away from home,
We ask adults to buy us cigarettes and drinks
And wish to break the rules and live alone.

We claim we can’t survive without love,
Believe we cannot live unhappily and sad,
And growing up, with terror realize
We can do that.

Our whole plan went wrong:
We met, we ate, we had a glass of wine,
We paid, we left, and I forgot my purse;
I came for it, and then I heard your voice
Behind my neck; your fingers on my spine.
You whispered phrases in unclear words,
I felt you touching hair and my soft skin
I turned to you to push away, say no,
Instead, I saw your eyes
And they were green.

My hand was on your tired shoulder,
Feeling the fabric of your deep red shirt;
So eagerly, you wanted then to hold me,
I saw that in your eyes, without words.
Your silence persevered, I stayed still,
Waiting for waves to crash my fragile coastline,
Your blurry eyes just dropped one lonely tear
To make me understand, this was goodbye.

It was a dream, a moment of weakness,
A tiny trifle in the sea of salt;
The time and space were put on a waitlist
By our drunk and wandering souls.

The people beyond our timeless bubble
Didn’t exist that cold winter night,
They vanished to let us get in trouble
And those who remained became blind.

Warm sand of your sensitive fingers
Warmed up my hands, slipping away
To become gentle breeze, selective and teasing,
Exploring my dress and touching hair.

The words lost meaning, became empty,
We talked with gestures and our foggy eyes.
The silence and dim light became tempting
To make us believe and tell lies.

The music stopped, leaving us sober,
The people returned to watching us,
Preventing us from getting in trouble
And let us go on with boring lives.

Catch before getting caught,
Eat before being eaten,
Flee before the body gets cold
After you gave it the proper beating.

Love yourself before falling in love,
Before feeling guilt for doing it wrong.
Live your life like a bird learning to fly,
Making countless mistakes, becoming strong.

Be yourself, but try wearing multiple roles,
Play a lover, a crook, a happy person.
Be an actor until your heart becomes a stone
And nothing can make you feel wholesome.