why don't you just
trust me?
am i just all the bad things you think about me?
why can't i be the good impressions that you have of other people?
those words that should be meant for liars, hurt me, like getting bruised on my arms and legs.
these injuries get healed after a period of time.
but this time, it's not that anymore.
i'm bruised in my heart.

what makes us truly happy? what do we really want in life? i can't help but feel that we can never be really satisfied of what we have at the moment. we are too focused on what we do not have than the things we actually have.

we try to make things perfect, but realize things will not be perfect, it never will be. that ideal lifestyle, that perfect life, who doesn't want that?  we all try to work towards achieving the 'perfect' life that we dream of, that we might lose things dear to us without knowing in the process. you wish for things to turn out the way you want. we always want them to. yet things just don't necessary turn out the way you want them to be. we are then filled with regret, sadness, disappointment, and unhappiness. for giving it our all yet not achieving much.

we try all ways to release or relieve that unhappiness, stress and dissatisfaction. it's not working. it would just all pile up again in the end. this crazy vicious cycle of trying to solve problems yet not all problems can be solved.

it feels so restricting, it's as if there's always a deep weight that is constantly crushing my chest. i can't breathe, it's not that i do not want to. everything is just so tiring, that i wish i could take a break, let time stop. the constant clicking of the clock is getting too pressing.

this is the reality, and i have not learnt to accept the reality. i just can't bring myself to tear naïvety off me, thinking that things will always be fine in the end.

but is it actually wrong to have some hope in your life?
maybe this is why i feel so lost, it's as if i'm in a maze that i can never escape from.

I guess all of us would have to vow to love our partner for an eternity no matter what circumstances after our marriages.
we would try our best to keep that promise.

both of you didn't. the situation got worse that it came to the point that we had to live separately.
i thought the situation was under control after a while.

i was utterly wrong because this happened. are we all that afraid of loneliness? did you even love your first partner you promised you'd be committed and loyal to?  how did you even have that face and guts to do that? for your own happiness?  do you really think this is your 'new found love'? how could you ruin someone's only hope that you were a good person? you ruined other peoples' happiness today too. (and i thought i saw the disappointment in my grandma's eyes today)


you promised. however, i guess that was a promise you made hastily without much consideration. because that promise was broken anyway. today is just the consequence of all the things you've failed to do or say to keep to that promise. (you'll never be able to love someone new)

you were someone precious to me. is it crazy to say that you were the best thing that ever happened to me, and yet we weren't even together?
you were like a dream i'd never expect to dream of. (in a good way)
you gave me a lot to remember, all those sweet and fun moments that we shared. (i wonder if you'd remember any of them at all)
you made me smile a lot & you made me really happy.
we won't get see each other again. (i won't get to see you anymore)
-

and I can only hold onto these memories you gave me
after a while, all these memories would fade away.
i won't be able to hold onto you anymore–you'd be slipping through my fingers. ((but it isn't as if i got hold of you once))
because of these memories you have given me, i'd like to think that you're precious to me
i would never want to lose you (but i never had you)

losing sleep because of you is worth it, because you just mean this much to me
thinking of you at midnight crazily like this is worth it
because.

you're way too precious to me.

when you first touch the plaster that has been newly stuck to your skin– it would feel foreign, because you're not used to it.
the plaster that protected you from any other injuries
that would make you wince in pain,
it didn't want to see you hurt anymore.
that plaster,
that helped you heal your wounds faster.
But now that you got used to it, you took that plaster (me) for granted and threw me away like how you would after the plaster helped you heal your wounds (helped you when you had problems)
maybe i was just like a plaster
too clingy,
one that just gets stuck to your skin and does nothing but irritate you
it feels horrible to feel this way because you meant so much of a friend to me
but
i meant absolutely nothing to you. (just a plaster)