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4.8k · Feb 2011
Disappointment
Elaine M Smith Feb 2011
Excitement rising in my chest,
Adrenaline pumping through me.....

But it wasn't what I expected.
1.5k · Sep 2011
An Ode to Heroism
Elaine M Smith Sep 2011
What is heroism?
I'll tell you what it is:
Risking your life for others.
But it's also love. And giving.

Another question is- what tests heroism?
A burning building. Two burning buildings. Three.
Nothing else tests heroism like that.
Nothing else provokes the feeling of the incessant
Need to help others.

Risks accompany heroism. Risks like death.
An unimaginable death.
But along with risk is respect. And appreciation.
Nothing else gives you respect like saving lives.
Saving the lives of thousands of people.

You gain appreciation from doing what's best for others,
When they need it.

But there is more to heroism.
There is more than meets the eye.
It creates change.
It touches people's hearts,
Urges them to change the world.

Then the world changes people.
Will the world change you?
When they need it.
1.2k · Sep 2012
Am I Love-Scorn?
Elaine M Smith Sep 2012
The scorn of almost love
Is almost too much to take.

I begin to feel bitter,
Have hard feelings about it.

Is this how it feels?
A feeling of emptiness where your heart should be?

It could be how it feels...
But I've only been in love once.

So how would I know?
1.1k · Feb 2011
Unrealistic Love
Elaine M Smith Feb 2011
You stole my heart through sympathy,
I gave you my attention.
But your love was unrealistic,
As was what we had.

You gave me your love,
But you didn't truly love me.
We went too fast and went too far.
Now there's never going back.
878 · Sep 2012
Confusion
Elaine M Smith Sep 2012
I don't know what to feel,
how to feel.

Too many emotions are barraging me,
and it's overwhelming me.

Something akin to love,
maybe closer to friendship than anything...

Desperation for my wants.

It seems pitiful, and admitting it just
makes it even more gruesome.

But looking past the gruesomeness,
there is truth. Honesty.

A lack of denial...

I have to face it.
744 · Oct 2012
Worth the pain?
Elaine M Smith Oct 2012
Tears are shed at the expense of love's pain...
And it hurts.
So much.

Love can be a fiend, telling you one thing
But meaning something else.

Is singledom going to be enough for me,
Or do I need the person who could very well be
My other half...
My soulmate, I guess you could say?

Only time will tell.
732 · Sep 2012
Striking The Heart
Elaine M Smith Sep 2012
Disappointment strikes the heart
Like lightning strikes the ground.
It's not exactly heartbreak,
But it feels like it sometimes...

I need to focus on something else,
Divert my attention.
If I don't, who knows what will happen?

If anything will help the feeling go away,
If anything will help heal the light scarring on my heart,
It's welcome...
657 · Aug 2012
Under Wraps
Elaine M Smith Aug 2012
I try to quell the feeling,
   Keep it locked in a cage.

But it escapes;
   Creeps upon me, surprising me.

It looms in the back of my mind;
   Always there, taunting me.

"Prohibited... just let the frustration
    overtake you... control you..."

I ignore it; what's the point?
    I'll only ***** myself over.

But it's always there:
    A looming, green giant.
642 · Jul 2015
Time For a Reflection
Elaine M Smith Jul 2015
"...This will be a humbling experience for all of us..."

"...The purpose of the wall is to prevent rocks from falling onto their homes. The houses are built onto the side of a mountain, and earthquakes and tremors occur often..."

"...I think one of my favorite parts about the mission trip is winding down at the end of the night, reading through the Book of James, and talking about what we saw/thought that day..."

"...This morning's mass really hit me- the first reading had a line ,"...For God likes cheerful givers..."."

"We went to one of the local restaurants, ordered donuts and drinks. I mean, there's no harm, right? We're all allowed, so might as well take the chance.
It's not like two Cuba Libres will be a bad hangover..."

"...A couple members of our team went to help at a preschool..."

"...We took our lunch break early and took the opportunity to hand out rosaries, toys for the kids..."

"...the work stopped just because los gringos had never seen a scorpion before!"

"It's the end of the night- time for a debrief with Randy. We read the first part of chapter 2, all about Sin of Partiality. As he read this line,"...have you not made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil designs?" (James 2:4), the first thing that came to mind was prejudice..."

"The main message tonight was this: Are we willing to leave our comfort zones and show others the love of a Christian?
Something to pray about."

"...we played with the 2 and 3 year olds. They taught me a new word today- la pelota..."

"Going to the zoo tomorrow! We're going to have about 20-25 children from Pamplona with us..."

"The bus rides to and from were great, too! Despite the language barrier, we were all laughing, singing, having a good time."


"[She] nicknamed him the Fresh Prince of Pamplona."

"...I think the best part of this trip is bonding with the girls..."

"Considering we didn't meet each other before the mission trip, we've gotten along pretty well this past week!"

"...We skipped the work site and visited a school called Cerrito Azul..."

"...It's really amazing to see the community in San Juan de Miraflores, more specifically [him], help the people with special needs..."

"Azul- Blue is the color for autism awareness.
Cerrito- literally means "little hill"... the name of the school directly translates to "little blue hill""

"... a line of people passing rocks... breaking up boulders... mixing cement. It was a busy mountainside!"

"There's major progress on the wall- and not only that. We've made connections with the locals in Las Violetas that we didn't imagine would exist 2 weeks ago!..."

"What we do with our time here is so valuable. The wall keeps them safe, but the connections last a lifetime!"

"...I'm surprised by all the American music they listen to..."

"...The people of Pamplona have stolen my heart..."

"... I've never really had the desire to go on a mission trip before this..."

"...That good feeling you get even tough you're exhausted... There are no words to describe it..."

"...I'm going to miss the community of Las Violetas in Pamplona.
Gabriella, who calls [him] "chico malo".
Her mom, who is very wonderful.
A young mom with a very happy little boy!"

"...We went to Alegria en el Senor (Joy in the Lord), which is a school for physically disabled students..."

"It was such a special experience, to be able to see how happy they are despite their disabilities.
They see them as a blessing..."

"...Pan Para mis Hermanos (Bread for my Brothers)..."

"...It's a way for the street vendors to feel appreciated and loved. The volunteers go out once a week and hand out bread and whatever drink they have- hot tea, hot chocolate, water.
They also pray with the vendors."

"...This trip has been very humbling overall, because the things that I complain about at home are things that I take advantage of."
610 · Aug 2015
He's my Weirdo
Elaine M Smith Aug 2015
He makes me laugh like no other...

A smile comes onto my face anytime I think of him or see him...

The times we have together are truly special; we don't get much...

He nonchalantly carries a sledgehammer into work, when it's not commonly seen in a grocery store...


And he's mine.
604 · Oct 2012
Another Door Opens
Elaine M Smith Oct 2012
One thing happens to you and it feels like the end of the world.
But it's not.

Because a distraction provides itself...
Someone comes around to provide comfort.

They are your other half,
Your best friend, perhaps...

They'll always be there for you,
Listen to your problems.
(A caffine-induced headache, maybe??)

No matter what may happen,
Another door in your life will open.
It is God's saving grace, his guiding hand.

Follow...
596 · Sep 2011
Saved
Elaine M Smith Sep 2011
A bright,white light
Shines on my face.

I squint, it's blinding me.
A voice from my left, deep and strong
"Come to my side. I'll show you the way."

I peer into the blackness, ominous, red.
Where should I go? What should I do?

I hesitantly take a step towards the inferno,
and hear evil cackling.

Now, a voice to my right, heavenly,
Awe-inspiring.
"Do not go to him. you will get lost.
You will be alone."

"But the light. The light," I protest. An answer.
"Open your eyes.You will see."
I opened my eyes and saw.
594 · Jul 2012
The Hidden Words
Elaine M Smith Jul 2012
I really want to tell you,
I want to let you know.
The feelings that I have for you
And what they might become.

But will I ever have the chance,
Ever have the nerve?
The way you smile at me...
I get nervous.

There's another side of you
I didn't think you possessed;
The pain and loss you suffered,
The wonderings you had.

It's like my own life story,
Just a little different.
But that was years ago;
Today is today.

I have no clue how to tell you,
And I don't know when.
But I know that we're friends now...
And that's enough for me.
591 · Feb 2011
The Story of the Lead Heart
Elaine M Smith Feb 2011
Story of The Lead Heart

A loveless heart that's heavy as lead
Weighs me down like stone.
No meaning to life, therefore dead to the world,
Yet God is at my side.
An ironic zombie, I walk by day,
While lovers live and smile.
But the lead heart kills and makes no sound
While the depressed are sleeping.
572 · Aug 2012
Wistful Hopes
Elaine M Smith Aug 2012
The scent of smoke fills the air,
Explosions screech in the starry sky.

Yellow and blue.
Orange and red.

If only every night could end like this...
567 · Jul 2013
Curious
Elaine M Smith Jul 2013
It's funny how we learn lessons in life,
Like we can handle the brutal pain or the silent suffering.

And we can... To an extent.
Sometimes it's too much and we snap.

Curse words may fly, strangled feelings
That can't always be freed.

Like anything, hairline cracks form on the outside surface.

Shells have to crack eventually.

And when they do it's not very pretty,
But problems do get resolved...
It just takes a while.  

Don't hold in the feelings
Cause it ain't gonna help anything.

Lessons are learned, and so are limits.

Learning limits is a lesson in itself.
Just have faith that God will help you through anything. "If He leads you to it He will lead you through it." II Corinthians 12:9
566 · Aug 2012
A Lost Chance
Elaine M Smith Aug 2012
Sorrow takes the place of joy,
the happiness in my life.

The chance I had...
I lost in one moment, one sentence.
A stupid feeling, meaningless thought...
Did I really want to ***** this up?

Lose my (probably) only chance?
Apparently I did...
566 · Aug 2012
Faith in Fixing
Elaine M Smith Aug 2012
Broken, helpless...
How do I fix it?

Love, nurturing...
That's how you fix it.

Just have faith and all will end well,  
Because good things come to those who wait.

But how long to wait...
That's the question.
565 · Apr 2013
The [Ups and] Downs
Elaine M Smith Apr 2013
Life can be cruel sometimes-
Giving, other times taking away.

People can also be cruel.

Don't ask me why, don't ask me how
Things that are done are so inhumane.

Explosions and fire, screaming and tears.

Tell me, who would do this?
Tell me, why would someone do this?

Tell me. Please.

There's no doubt about it
Terrorism was the goal.

No matter who it was

All we can do as Americans,
Maybe people of Christ,

Is to pray for the victims and their families.

They need hope.
Give them that.
I wrote this because of the bombs that went off near the finish line during the Boston Marathon. This was a tragic event, because many were injured and a few people have died (since I last heard). An 8-year-old died.
522 · Jun 2014
Catch-22
Elaine M Smith Jun 2014
Love is like fire.

It starts out as nothing, just logs in a fire pit.
Then,... Embers.
A spark,
The beginning of something.

The fire takes time, patience.
You can't rush it when you want
A big, roaring fire.

A comforting fire.

After the fire is built up,
You're afraid to go near, to get burned.
yet you want to feel the comfort of the fire...

The love.
507 · Jun 2012
Loss
Elaine M Smith Jun 2012
The pain in your chest,
The tears threatening to spill out of your eyes...

Or maybe just the heavy feeling in your chest.

Losing precious possessions or feelings
Always impacts a person.

The impacts are always different
But the loss always happens.
491 · Sep 2011
In The Darkness
Elaine M Smith Sep 2011
I stand in the darkness,
  Pushing all around me
  Pulsing with evil and
  Suffocating me
  Trying to beat them away
  But to no avail
To see one last sunset
To feel the warm sun on my face is
Seeming like a wonderful idea
  Before I die in this hellish place.
490 · Jul 2013
Goodbye for Us
Elaine M Smith Jul 2013
5 months.
5 months of you, me, marching band competitions.
5 months I didn't keep track of.

Time seemed to fly by, I only thought of what we had...
Hiding it from my family. I was only 15. I wasn't old enough to date.

But when you asked me.
Withdrawn, a loner.I was shocked, I couldn't not say yes.

You were my first love...
Love being a relative term.

It was no deep relationship, just two teens feeling puppy love.
And it had to end sometime.
That sometime was the end of marching band.

You were an eighth grader, I was a freshman.
It was goodbye for us.
Even though this was three years ago, I still feel affection for him. The thrill of first love and all that.
490 · Sep 2012
That Empty Feeling
Elaine M Smith Sep 2012
That empty feeling you get when
The person you think you love ignores you.

That empty feeling you get when
You think about that person, even though you don't want to.
When your life begins to **** without them in it...

That empty feeling.
479 · Nov 2012
Regret
Elaine M Smith Nov 2012
Tears glisten in her eyes,
Threaten to roll down her cheeks...

They don't betray her.

She knew she deserved this
But didn't know it would hurt this bad.

No one to hold you close,
And tell you those three beautiful words,
"I love you."


Tears glisten in my eyes,
Threaten to roll down my cheeks...
460 · Oct 2012
Because Of Love
Elaine M Smith Oct 2012
Love hurts
I cry my heart out, feel alone in the world.
All because of love.

I long for a friend, a warm hug to go to.
It is scarce.

Prayers are my consolation,
But even those don't help all the time.

Love hurts.
444 · Feb 2011
Life and Love
Elaine M Smith Feb 2011
On the trail of life and love,
There's countless ups and downs.

Life is lived and love is lost
But someone is always there for you.

Someone who's your friend
And cares about you.
Someone you know like the back of your hand.

Someone who shares your love for things
And your views on life.
426 · Feb 2011
Your Forgiveness
Elaine M Smith Feb 2011
Your lies are tiring,
Your excuses bore me.

When will they stop?

Forgiveness comes after
The faults are acknowledged.
When will you be forgiven?
415 · Oct 2012
Is Love True?
Elaine M Smith Oct 2012
Is true love just in the storybooks
And the imaginations of little girls?

Is true love possible
For anyone, anyone at all?

Is true love true??
406 · Nov 2014
An Unexpected Lesson
Elaine M Smith Nov 2014
I learned something today- comforting someone doesn't always take words.

Sometimes, it's simply the steadfast presence of someone who cares; someone who wishes he or she could do something to take away the pain. And whether the pain be physical or emotional, there's still the feeling that something should be done, something should be said.

But words don't always come. And even if they do, murmurings of comfort, of "it'll be okay", don't always do the trick.
Maybe someone just needs to be there.

Be the crying shoulder, hold a hand, offer a hug.
Because oftentimes, the pain cannot be escaped.

Only endured.
388 · Jun 2014
A First
Elaine M Smith Jun 2014
I never knew what it felt like; Intimate human contact, yet innocent at the same time.
Cuddling on the couch watching a movie, playing cards and talkin' that smack talk; Those simple, light moments that... build a friendship, a relationship.
But at the same time, there's this fear inside, that if you do something to push the limits of the friendship, relationship... You don't know what will happen. The fear holds you back, controls you.
But if you push past that fear, knock it down, did you do a good thing? Was pushing the limits good? Will it halt the steady progress or push it forward even more, both boy and girl liking the change?

And if you don't push the limit at all, let the fear control you completely, there's doubt; What would have happened? Was it my only chance? Can we do this again? If I had done something- held his hand, just turned my head maybe a few inches to my right...?
350 · Sep 2012
Something to Help
Elaine M Smith Sep 2012
I need an antidote to fear,
an antidote to tears.

I need some love and comfort.

Because I just did the scariest thing
I've ever had to do:

Left the nest, flown the coop.
However you want to put it.

Either way,
I'm my own person from now on.
337 · Jun 2014
Can't Hide Anymore
Elaine M Smith Jun 2014
Can't hold back the feelings,
It's hard to hide them now.

To hide from them.

It all started with one night,
One magical night.

Cliché, I know.

But the sweaty palms,
Butterflies in the stomach-
They all point to one thing.

I'm falling for him.
He's constantly on my mind;
Makes me smile, laugh.

But I can't tell him.
I'd only be hurting myself,
Setting myself up for heartbreak.

I just can't hide from the feelings anymore.
291 · Dec 2014
Held back (from the truth)
Elaine M Smith Dec 2014
I love all these little things about you-
So why don't I love all of you?
What's holding me back?

Jaded love, maybe?
Or it could be that I'm afraid-
Afraid of the fall.

But I don't have to be. Because you'll be there to catch me.
No matter what.
287 · Nov 2014
Wanting
Elaine M Smith Nov 2014
The feelings you create within me- happiness, the want of a deeper connection with another person... Are like nothing else.
When you're around, I'm pretty sure I'm one of the happiest people on the earth; You bring out my biggest smile without a single effort, that nervous but pleasant feeling in the pit of my stomach... That what we have is good, what we can have in the future will be better.

A relationship based on trust, respect, boundaries neither of us cross. One(s) that encompass the eventual physical part of a relationship.

Your romantic gestures, the comfort you give me... I would give anything to feel that forever, however long forever may last.
You make me want to be better, and I think that's what I like best about you.
282 · Jun 2014
Bittersweet
Elaine M Smith Jun 2014
Can't hold it in anymore-
The frustration, the indecision...
The secret from him.

If he never finds out,
If he never knows...
My feelings for him will have been in vain.

Pointless.

Keeping the secret in a close circle;
Keeping the secret from him...

But not for long.

Telling him...
Revealing the feelings...
It can't be forced, rushed.

And maybe,
Just maybe, I have a chance.
Turns out he kind of knew... He's good at reading people. But the feelings were reciprocated, fortunately.
275 · Sep 2014
A Moment
Elaine M Smith Sep 2014
It was the moment I had dreamed of.
  That oh-my-gosh-I-think-I-forgot-how-to-breathe-but-I'm-totally-fine-w­ith-it moment.

  That moment you hope won't ever end.

  The first kiss.
260 · Jun 2014
Depression
Elaine M Smith Jun 2014
Despair pierces me like a sword,
And tears are my comfort.

Time drags as I think about it.
Is there not a chance?

I can't help but feel like this;
Yet matters of the heart
Seem foreign to me.

I can't get it right.

Only time will tell-
Is my suffering a worthy cause?
255 · Jun 2014
His Answer
Elaine M Smith Jun 2014
Hands and arms trembling,
Fear in my eyes...

What will he say?

I was sure he could tell;
Tell that I was scared,
Maybe not ready to tell him yet.

I was leaving soon anyway.

Leaving high school, the city I was raised in.
Leaving him.

Would he take me in his arms,
Tell me he feels the same way?

Tell me that it's just a crush?
252 · Jun 2014
Fear
Elaine M Smith Jun 2014
His face,
So...
So close to mine.

It frightened me.

I like him, he likes me.
Yet I was afraid.

Afraid of what would happen if
I took it farther,
Tried to take it farther.

His arms around my middle,
Tickling my sides.
His big, warm hands near mine.

We were alone...
Sort of.
The only ones in the room, at least.

And I was afraid.
250 · Jun 2014
Lonely At Heart
Elaine M Smith Jun 2014
I see.
I see the love, the adoration,
In other people.

It hits me deep-
Because I know I don't have it.

That connection with another person,
That feeling of happiness,
joy beyond comprehension.

The loneliness that casts a shadow over my heart-
I'm vulnerable to it,
More than I can take at times,
More than I care to take.

But my other half,
The soul that completes me...
He's out there somewhere.

— The End —