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Elaine M Smith Jun 2014
His face,
So...
So close to mine.

It frightened me.

I like him, he likes me.
Yet I was afraid.

Afraid of what would happen if
I took it farther,
Tried to take it farther.

His arms around my middle,
Tickling my sides.
His big, warm hands near mine.

We were alone...
Sort of.
The only ones in the room, at least.

And I was afraid.
Elaine M Smith Jun 2014
I never knew what it felt like; Intimate human contact, yet innocent at the same time.
Cuddling on the couch watching a movie, playing cards and talkin' that smack talk; Those simple, light moments that... build a friendship, a relationship.
But at the same time, there's this fear inside, that if you do something to push the limits of the friendship, relationship... You don't know what will happen. The fear holds you back, controls you.
But if you push past that fear, knock it down, did you do a good thing? Was pushing the limits good? Will it halt the steady progress or push it forward even more, both boy and girl liking the change?

And if you don't push the limit at all, let the fear control you completely, there's doubt; What would have happened? Was it my only chance? Can we do this again? If I had done something- held his hand, just turned my head maybe a few inches to my right...?
Elaine M Smith Jun 2014
Hands and arms trembling,
Fear in my eyes...

What will he say?

I was sure he could tell;
Tell that I was scared,
Maybe not ready to tell him yet.

I was leaving soon anyway.

Leaving high school, the city I was raised in.
Leaving him.

Would he take me in his arms,
Tell me he feels the same way?

Tell me that it's just a crush?
Elaine M Smith Jun 2014
Despair pierces me like a sword,
And tears are my comfort.

Time drags as I think about it.
Is there not a chance?

I can't help but feel like this;
Yet matters of the heart
Seem foreign to me.

I can't get it right.

Only time will tell-
Is my suffering a worthy cause?
Elaine M Smith Jun 2014
I see.
I see the love, the adoration,
In other people.

It hits me deep-
Because I know I don't have it.

That connection with another person,
That feeling of happiness,
joy beyond comprehension.

The loneliness that casts a shadow over my heart-
I'm vulnerable to it,
More than I can take at times,
More than I care to take.

But my other half,
The soul that completes me...
He's out there somewhere.
Elaine M Smith Jun 2014
Can't hold it in anymore-
The frustration, the indecision...
The secret from him.

If he never finds out,
If he never knows...
My feelings for him will have been in vain.

Pointless.

Keeping the secret in a close circle;
Keeping the secret from him...

But not for long.

Telling him...
Revealing the feelings...
It can't be forced, rushed.

And maybe,
Just maybe, I have a chance.
Turns out he kind of knew... He's good at reading people. But the feelings were reciprocated, fortunately.
Elaine M Smith Jun 2014
Can't hold back the feelings,
It's hard to hide them now.

To hide from them.

It all started with one night,
One magical night.

Cliché, I know.

But the sweaty palms,
Butterflies in the stomach-
They all point to one thing.

I'm falling for him.
He's constantly on my mind;
Makes me smile, laugh.

But I can't tell him.
I'd only be hurting myself,
Setting myself up for heartbreak.

I just can't hide from the feelings anymore.
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