China Blue

China blue and snowy saucers
On the old oak table where you once sat
Alone and plaintive, dusty
I haven’t had the heart to move them yet
There’s to much of your spirit
Still in the house
It seems wrong to clear it away
When you’re supposed to come back
And drink your tea.

I went through your desk, though
It was necessary.
You never were organized
And I found myself buried in mountains
Of old bills and notes and wishes
And by the time I found the will
Paper birds had roosted all about the room
Their inked markings unreadable
Thanks to the flapping of their wings.

Your sketchbook I left by our bedside
Your notebook and Hemingway
Rest under the alarm clock
That will never wake you again
Though it rings its mournful, piercing wail
At 6:00 every morning
It scared me, the day after the funeral
I hadn’t slept all night, screamed,
Clutched your pillow
And threw mine at the foot of the bed,
The Phantom shadows of dreams disappearing
In the light of a grey morning.

The letters I'll never send, dear
that shall never reach your hand,
but sit hidden within my mind
unwritten, unknown, and unread.

The words I'll never say, dear
that shall never reach your ear
but stay locked behind my lips
unheard, unknown, and unsaid.

The things I'll never do, dear
that shall never be recalled
but stay beneath a cloak of fear
unimagined, unknown, and undone.

The letters I'll never send, dear
the words I'll never say,
the things I'll never do, dear
because with you, I could not stay.

You found yourself
in a paradise of strangers
all going one direction or another,
though none towards you.
You stood alone on the sidelines
not sure who to follow
where to go
Seemed everyone had a place
except you.
But then,
you decided to
make your own way
and took off
through that sea of strangers
into the unkown.

Upon the hallowed ground she stood
The wind blew through her hair
A swallow swooped o’er the darkening sky
And the scent of rain filled the air

She heard their voices loud as thunder
Echo over hill and down
And warily she watched them
Ride their ghost mounts into the town

The rain now fell in torrents
Upon the hallowed field
But she moved not from her own same spot
As an icy hand bid her yield

A hand of ice held fast her hem
Though she struggled against its grasp
She begged it there to let her go
Then from the earth she heard it rasp

‘One kiss my bonny sweetheart
the years were long since I saw thee last
It be cold here in the hallowed ground
And I lie and freeze a memory of the past.’

‘I fought here on the hallowed ground
with rapier high and voice aloft
till down the enemy struck me fast
and I lay in my blood on the damp ground soft.’

The hand then loosed its steely grasp
And she saw her true love’s form
A cold and bleeding upon the ground
she covered him with russet cloak to keep him from the storm

As the rain then pelted down around
The long lost lovers in their embrace
His bonny sweetheart spoke to him
With trembling lip and heart that raced

‘My own true love, my only
Long waited I for your return
I scorned the suitors who sought my hand
They said your love is gone and dead, but your memory I would not scorn

‘I waited long for word or news
of thy well being or how thee faired,
but none e’re came to me at all
so I waited, hoping you had been spared.’

‘Ah a truer love man never had
that would wait through tears and time
and keep the hope that I still lived
to find that in the ground I lie.

Forgive me, love, I’ve done thee wrong
To make thee wait for me so
Take my hand with one last kiss
And then my love, you must go.’

‘Nay my only, only love,
it’s here with you I’ll stay
I’ll not go back to my old life
I’ll lie here by thy side, come what may.’

So upon the hallowed ground she lay
Her hair damp and soaked to the skin
And right by his side she lay all night
As she clutched his hand so thin.

The town knew not where she had gone
But in the morn they found
She’s gone to be with her one true love
Dead, upon the hallowed ground.

I watched you in your savage beauty
wild and untamed
You sprang from here to there to here
your garments rent
in splays of silk
trailing like wings behind you.
Your talon hands
they grabbed for mine
digging in deep and drawing blood.
I was no longer watching you
I was with you,
in this savage beauty.
Ignored pain drove through my hand
as you guided me through
your dance macabre.
How I loved you as I bled
my hands about your waist
You kissed me with the kiss of death
And dead you fell within my arms
My deadly, lovely, savage thing
with splays of silk
enveloping you.

From such a gentle spirit
came such a harsh reubuke
and from such a verdant life
Oh, such an arid death!

What hope once bloomed
within thy breast
until replaced by a blossom
of such deep despair.  

The fates did deal thee a bitter hand
such cruelty thou suffered,
to be taken from day to night
and as quickly as thou were.

Thy life, thy soul, such lovely things
how kind thy smile could be
thou were indeed a rarity
in such a dreary world.