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Ekaterina Sep 2016
Expressionless
she didn't feel the need
to greet me
or to look in my direction
just let the high pitched
beeping of the scanner
fill the emptiness and
motivate her mechanic movements
packing the produce into
red plastic bags
unflinching

impatience
was evident and yet
she remained expressionless
as I foolishly pressed the wrong
button
under the weight
of her gaze on my stiff fingers
until she printed the receipt

Just then
in the clear plastic bag
one jalapeño
the special - pound for two dollars
just then
she catches it
and under my watchful gaze
I hear that beep again
but
now

a quiet chuckle fills the gap
as the machine reads 0.01$


So I laugh too
fumble for a cent
and put it carefully
in her palm
Ekaterina Sep 2016
The colors of your shirt stick
to your skin
Swollen, tired, tattered
The dirt collecting
Under, Over, On

In the stillness of the new moon
You became a mother
A wife
A daughter
Through the thickness of the humid air
the sweat collected on your brow
the nape of your neck
A crying child
A barking dog
Some butter on a scalding skillet

Oh, Marisol!
If your hands could speak
The scars and lines would serenade the sun
and soothe your cousin's swollen cheeks
the gold in your teeth
would shine each time you smiled
and said goodbye

but
your chestnut hair is whipped by the wind
instead
and laced black leather boots
tower over you
in the haze
they grasp your arms
as if they are their own
and cover you in white
to protect themselves

Oh Marisol!
it is now late at night
but you shine for the love you brought
with you
across six nations
all of them packed
and stacked neatly
you carry them strapped on your back
like the sun kissed streets of Cuenca
cultivated, preened, and compressed
put into the back pocket


It is in dusk when you lay your head
Down on that cold, dry, earth
And grasp that plastic bottle to your breast
Closed eyes and memories of sunrise
20 miles away from the southwest


America rises still beyond
Fences lined with flowers pale
As white and rich as all those men

But towers over you of course
and in the shadows of the Joshua trees
You can depart for home again
Ekaterina Sep 2016
Water flows
In places which pardon
Ziploc bags full of apologies
Floating upriver
Downstream
Under bridges

The ocean swells
Like the cold midnight air
Entering a pair of lungs
So I take
Another breath
Ekaterina Aug 2016
The lab tech tells me I have a nice set of veins
healthy and strong
perfect for needlework
hidden just enough
visible in all the right places

I turn to the cork board
when it goes in
like i've done my entire life
and i'm not scared of needles
or shots
or blood
or alcohol
but in the milliseconds between her
skillful hands switching the vials
I imagine the thin plastic tube
spilling me
all over the nice tile floor
with no time left
for antiseptic or
bleach


I hear the click
and I think instead
of Peter
smelling of *****
only in that thin jean jacket
and a turtle neck
holding out his hand
and walking me out of that lab
on to the iced over sidewalks
through the frigid bustle
of morning traffic
into the corner store
for my favorite sweets

because I held silent when the other kids cried  
because I was brave

Because my veins were fragile and small
and the universe
owed me one
Ekaterina Jun 2016
V
There were so many dead wasps on your kitchen counter
You
thought they were bees
insisted it was okay
But I knew
Like I know
You
Like I still dream
Of getting stung  
Or of feeling an airbag on my cheek
Metal twisting into my body
A Rubik's cube of proof
It was too much for
You
to carry
But enough for
You
To plunder
To damage
To chain

You
You You You

I syphon poison out of my body
Drop by drop
Every morning noon evening and night
Ripping myself open
Jagged scars
Screaming for mercy
Face whiter
Voice failing
I cry
Again again again
But
I know
Finally, dear god, I know

I

Have to let it bleed
To let my hair grow
To scream and pull those talons out
With my own hands
To soak them in seawater
To cover them
In the honeyed voice of my grandmother
In the sounds of the train station and the rails
Like I did
With
you
On top of me
Or beneath me
Or like
you
Are
Still inside of me


I
Do not hold
I
Do not cherish
I

am
cloaked in silence




you
slept through the alarm
Ekaterina Jun 2016
IV
The dirt under your fingernails
Found its way on me
Yet again
In the form of indents on my skin
This time
Red with rage
And blue with agony
Golden in the bar light
Silver in the street

I wanted
For so long
To cry, to wail, to break
Again
Like I did on New Years Eve
Four years running
On the mornings when
Another's arms weighed too heavily
Or those nights when
Telling you to stop
Would've hurt your precious feelings

Hand on my drink
An anchor
A car wreck
Like the countless ones you could have
Killed me in
I witnessed fear
Walk out of the shadows
And pull up a seat
Right next to me
Sipping on a cabernet

This time however,
It stopped at one
Paid the tab
And took me by the hand
Kissed my forehead
Held my face
Everything will be alright
Carried me over the threshold

You
Always you
Glued to your pedestal
Hands on your beer
Or your cigarette
Or your limp ****
Or on me
Scathing
Berating
Mocking
Baiting
Manipulating
Seconds
Minutes
Hours
Days
Silently screaming
again again again again
why why why why
stop stop stop stop
monster
      monster
              monster
                     monster


Clawing your way after me
Shedding your skin
Nowhere to hide
Reaching reaching reaching reaching
Branding me a *******
Liar
Selfish
Cold
Unfaithful
Intense
Callous
Insane


Monster



Takes one to know one
Ekaterina Jun 2016
III
You stole my May for your December
Brought it to its knees
And sang to it in the twilight
With one hand raised towards the horizon
The other on the handle of a knife

You gently tossed it in a cell
Swallowed the key
Confessed your sins
Those very palms clasped together
Clasped so tight
So, so, so,
tight
Over my wrists
Under my skin
The bruise crept quietly beneath

It starved for years and years
Until
A match was lit
Thrown
Inside
Flames licked the walls
While you held yourself
Reminiscing
Smiling
Wistfully
Closing the door behind you

You sold it to the highest bidder
And petitioned for compassion
The flowers wilt, the snow has set
Eyes glued forward
Shoes scuffing the floor
It does not hold
It does not speak
but it does whisper

'It's all just a big misunderstanding'
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