hiding your face behind a mask
forcing a smile
pretending you're okay
It is painfully hard to live in a world
and show no emotion
Sometimes it's easier to pretend
put on that fake smile
and force it down your throat
deep down anxiety building up
depression overwhelming
pretending you are okay
when all you want to do is
let that mask down
Peek behind it
Letting that mask slip
even at the slightest
puts me in jeopardy
in my head,
I am screaming with anxiety
wanting to slip this mask off
to show the pain that I'm in
but deep down
I know this mask
is the only thing
preventing me from showing
the emotions that are bubbling over
who will care if you drop that mask
this mask puts everyone at arm's length
Where can I be with no judgment
where can I be with no mask
I do not feel I can be myself
without putting on the mask that
everyone is familiar with
Who associates this front
That feels disingenuous
A lie for sanity
That is destroying me
From the inside out

Your kindness
Compassion
And patients
Calms me
I feel safe and steady
In your arms
I am not worried
Of my past nor
What the future
May entail
But rather living
In the moment
With you
Healing in your
Steadfast heart

Everything was magical
And new
I felt I was the luckiest
Person alive
But slowly
The beautiful facade
That was painted with
Rose colored glasses
Began to chip away
One piece at a time
Slowly revealing the horror
I would endure
In an endless nightmare
As I held the broken fragments
That created your mask
Holding onto a memory of a
Fictional character
only to
never be
seen again
Bonded by trauma
Holding so tight
Suffocating in
My own misery
Unable to recognize myself
In the mirror
Knowing I need to break free
Of this nightmare
Of a life
I did not sign up for

It's scary and exciting
Memories were built
Then collapsed in an instant
One too many comments
One too many blows
One too many moments of self-doubt
It's time to leave and begin a new
A new self-love
And self-care
Knowing I deserve a better life
Then the one I would have faithfully settled for
That would have ended my self-esteem
And self-worth
This is not the end
But a new beginning
Of self discovery
And healing for a better
And fulfilling future
Of my own making

You can’t switch off
your emotions
We are not robots
We as humans feel
Emotions deeply
Some more than others
Some have better control
While others wear it on their sleeve
There is nothing wrong with feeling emotions
Even intense ones
We are only human
Androids may be the future
But there is one thing that will separate
Us from them
Our ability to feel
And express emotions

Emotions are like water
It's fluid as a stream
They can be intense
And out of control
Or passive
Locking up your emotions
Until a dame is high
Until it becomes too much
And the water overflows
Creating an avalanche
of destruction in its wake

I will meet you one day
Our time together was so short
But I loved every minute
I was ok with the nausea
It meant you were ok
The prospects of the future
Were utter bliss
As we carefully chose
Your potential name

Sadly it didn't last very long
I knew something was wrong
That you were no longer here
It nearly broke my heart
As I never got to meet you
see you grow
Or become the person you were
Never meant to be

No one could have prepared
Me for this kind of grief
The emotional loss
Having it completely
Out of my control
Questioning whether or not
It was meant to be
This time

You were loved by both of us
And one day
we will meet you
Not today
Maybe not tomorrow
Or anytime soon
But when it's our time
We will be reunited
And see your beautiful soul
Grow to what you
were meant to be