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em Apr 2014
They say
"When you grow up, your heart dies."
My heart?
My heart has been dying for a decade.
(Somehow it's still beating)
It wasn't until I found myself
In some strange men's beds,
On the bathroom floor,
So deperate to feel alive,
To feel anything at all,
That I realiezed
I've already grown up.

I've been dead inside for years.

She stole my innocence when I was merely 4 years old.
Along with the bottles my "unconditionnal love" for him was gone too.
All these drugs,
I swore I'd never do.
These cigarettes,
Have broken the last of my rules.
The razors I used to not know what were for
(Let alone, understand how someone could get pushed so far.)
Have all made their marks on me
Literally
I look in the mirror and I hardly recognize the reflection,
And I see all my lonely nights painted upon my skin.
I've been told you can ******* heavy heart on my lips.
Smell the smoke.
Touch the scars.
I've grown into the person I swore I'd never become.
em Jul 2013
i find myself awake
night after night

my bed remains cold
on the side you used to sleep

i find aches in my heart
and you on my mind

4:00 am is for the lonely
and i'm wide awake

while you're sleeping in the arms of someone better than me.
em Jul 2013
Mortality
The gap between thinking and feeling
The difference between predator and prey
Makes me feel
Immortal
em Jul 2013
When your cigarette doesn't ash and the cherry keeps on burning, and the way the smoke looks when it's lost it's way in the air,
and how people inhale the fumes like oxygen even though they know it's killing them.

The look of tears flowing from your eyes that match the red ribbons flowing out of your wrist,
and the look of healed scars,
and how behind each one there's a story that might never be told.

Empty people sourrounded by empty ***** bottles, and the way the alcohol burns their throats,
but they keep on drinking it anyways.

The dead looks in people's eye when they're advoiding something they don't want to talk about, and the way screams feels when they crawl up your neck.

The way the moon hides behind the clouds because it too cries sometimes and wants to be alone.
Old photographs that show your process of losing your inncocence,and your process of slowly dying.
The sharp keys on the piano and how the piercing noise hurts your ears and rings in the air.
The feeling of letting go.
Old heartbreaking love letters.
The calls for help no one really hears.
The feeling of kisses when they really don't mean anything other than you're lonely.
The clock that makes every sinking second sitting in the hospital room feel like decades.

The way I can find beauty in everything around me, but I can't seem to find an ounce of beauty in myself.

— The End —