It's like drowning in a never ending wave
of cool ocean water.
The kind of water that's so clear, you can see all the way to the
bottom of the endless ocean.
It's like falling from the top of the highest mountain,
but the fall never ends.
You wait as the world passes you by,
full of anticipation for the moment of impact,
but it never comes.
It's like being at the center of
a vicious tornado.
You twist through streets and destroy everything in sight
leaving the damage behind to be repaired
by someone else.
But there is no one left when you've teared everything apart,
when everything falls down,
when everything sinks to the bottom.
All you have is your pride.
And all you've lost is me.

You will never see him again.
This is the last time you get to catch a glimpse of
his smile,
his laughter,
his attitude.
You love him so much
and you don't know how to say goodbye.
So you curl up inside yourself and
remain cool as your soul cries.
You act as though it's no big deal.
"It had to come to an end eventually,"
you say.
But a piece of you has just died.
You turn off the remote and lie in bed.
You are broken.
Your favorite TV show has just come to an end.

The shiny metal feels
cool
on my skin.
Smooth, silky, baby skin
turns red and cold.
My mind races:
"This is what's right."
"This is what you need."
"You deserve this."
I've become skilled at convincing myself
that I'm a bad person
by forcing myself
to be even worse.

Once I tried to write a poem
but all I found was a blank page.
I rummaged through my mind for experiences
worthy of transforming into beautiful literature
and found nothing at all.
I left the page for days and days
void of truth and sorrows.
And the more I stared into the white depths of the paper
the more depressed I seem to be.
For it is the most pitiful circumstance when one must write a poem
about her own inability
to write a poem.

I wish I could write a beautiful poem
to express how I feel.
I wish my words could make someone feel something.
I wish I had someone to share my misery with.

This one is for the time you told me I was a *****.
This one is for the time you called me worthless.
This one is for the time we fought about your ex-girlfriend.
This one is for the time I wouldn't call you back..
This one is for the time you apologized to me.
This one is for the time you called me beautiful when I didn't deserve it.
This one is for the time you told me to love myself when I couldn't.
This one is for the time you told me you love me.
The scars are my story.
You made me feel unwanted.
You made me hate myself.
You tried to save me.
You made it worse.
And now each night I drown in the blood of a thousand regrets.
And each day I live with the memories of our past
Running down my arms
Like broken rivers.

I drown myself in my sorrows, but no one ever knows.
I smile to hide the pain, I laugh to hide the tears.
But behind closed doors, I am distraught.
Crying is my drug.
Cursing is my shield.
Lying is my sport.
Hiding is my thrill.