Now I understand.
Both the insecurities of myself and the natural jealousies;
not of potential love affairs, but of friendships and spoken whispers
that are not for my longing ears to hear.
happiness, for harmony...
but pain, perhaps a nosy desire
to know the happenings and every little secret...
is it a vice or a inevitable wish?
For a best friend and lover to welcome me into their world as well?
This is the pain that will be harbored but never revealed
it is my own infliction to carry
and whispered to self
Every night

Neverending.

Do you see what I see?

The beauty of Nature'a scenery
Inexplicably...
Grand,
Majestic,
Unable to be captured
By any camera or painting,
Technology cannot compete,
Cannot be that advanced
To imitate the sacred scene before me.
The human mind perceives and tries to store but even then will it fade to a vague memory
The essence of being in the moment
The wondrous awe
So inspirational, no words can do it justice
No painting can ever be that grand
Be close to that divine mystery of the moon before me
And the stars that beckon
The slowly receding daylight and over it, a deeper darker blue of a night sky that disappears in a split second.
This in-the-moment wonder
Captured in the people we meet
For the split but fleeting second of pure ******* emotion.
People see what I see
They have seen it many times over
Taken for granted
Never taking a moment to breathe once again and be dazzled for a second, third, fourth, hundredth time.
No time to appreciate,
No patience to stand still and see,
Of all the people , me, the busy body, the over thinker
The nonrisk taker
Of all the people to see , I was blessed to appreciate this wondrous beauty before
Religion faith values,
All stores in the beauty that is created whether by a hand or a random event
This is the portrait I wish to paint on every Wall house building
Paint it on every person so they can see what I see
The potential, the grace
The wisdom that the sky contains--

Do you see what I see?

A sky that is , regardless of whatever everyone thinks--believes--it should be
How it was made .
Truth.
Desire to know all
When all it takes is to breathe
And look up, to get lost.

Lost forever.

Fingers are pointed, talk is prevalent,
Blaming each other, but its slowly growing irrelevant,
This situation has gone past the moment of blame--
--everyone made their mistakes--
--they have to stop this game.

I used to care once, as the others did, but my
Energy was spent and
My will got a dent in it.
Walked in with every confident air, but now i am being ****** back in,
With no, legitimate, time, to spare.

Its time to press that button (emergency!) for outsiders, we see
          Their demise, the household
                 that        grew       to        a               di --vid --e

Bad energy, bad karma, whatever you want to call it
Seems that they have to just get on it.

But personal issues and psychological cracks,
Just seems to replace everything that they lack.
It's a "defend myself" game and
"You’re the one to blame", it’s:
| Shame | Stubbornness | Pain | Guilt |

All framed, in
The house that was supposed to be a haven
Is now a grave and I see the smokes of ****,
Rather than smokes of fury for
Inspiration and Desperation
To get out of this,
god,
forsaken,
place.

You can only say so much with so much
Conviction and not have experienced what
They have been living and yet,
Someone has to move.
Yet, no one moves.
One foots out the door--
--But then a hand pulls loose:
The walkway’s gone and now there’s no where to choose,
It’s back to negative 0, or wait, is it back more?

The only viable solution is to set aside the differences
And the egos, and pride, that's been dominating and winning,
Just to start over and say:
Hello, I’m not  a martyr, i’m just a
Kid in the adult world trying to survive harder
Than anyone else...
...I just want to live.

Believe me.

I had--have--been wishing for a dream.

All it takes is a look.

A jolt of electricity,
meeting of eyes,
touch of hands
prolonged, a little longer,

an extra millisecond,
a small change in life's navigation

the message is sent

energy, exchanged.

On my radar, on my mind,
imprinted on my palm,
tangled with my thoughts,
everyone might but she can't, deny
the stomach pitfalls of butterflies fluttering by

Convictions are later proven true
In between the sheets,
of her soft sleep inducing bed

She's drunk,
I'm exhausted
It's this surreal,
half awake, twilight state that we do
away with our guards
and sink into our natural
inclinations
of human touch and intimate comforts
And when i wake up in the morning,
She is the most beautiful being I have ever seen
With a peaceful face
and a deep sigh
i fit more into the curve of her back
a soft moan, a soft smile, a contented sigh
because of human comforts

and all of this happens without even a single **kiss

Look, look you say
Look at these lines and swollen shapes,
My hands that can cover your tiny waist,
And my size that is twice as your slim form--
But baby,
I want more.

But look, look
You say as you cover your eyes
And grimace away
A thunder of a thigh,
And the rest, can die—
God knows how long I’ve wanted to change.


So look, look as I kiss your face
Every part of your body I won’t erase,
Haven’t you heard
That "your body is a wonderland"?
A gift that I cannot reprimand.
But—

Look, Look I say
Look at these beautiful shapes that
Fit perfectly into my arms as I lie awake,
Because baby, we have found our balance,
Our chi, our feng shui,
The yin and the yang,
And so baby, change for “I” rather than for me,
Because this is where I want to be.

Walking in the sky among the
clouds and birds that fly free,
singing to me:

Dream of the world that you imagine so vividly,
of the mountains and raging waters
that will leave you breathless and hopeless (only for a short while);
Then climb on, swim on—scream
‘till you’re gasping for breath--
then breathe a little, to enjoy the new air of adventure.

Live on,
Live on.

I love you she thought:

          Covering her shoulders with her favorite
green blanket, on the cold tiles of the worn, bathroom floors.
          Sit down, lean back, close your eyes, and wait.
                    Until she wakes up and goes to bed.

I love you she thought:

          Miles away from the chaotic scene,

That is her life.
Constantly wishing,
          One desire and multiple intentions.

I love you she thought:

          Nights spent inebriated and off balance
               Afternoons, in a haze.
Cycles are what she falls back to.
     Yet nothing she will do to not stay,
            And maybe, she cannot stay.

I love you she thought:

          Pulling the pink covers around her,
watching her sleep.
          A peaceful resignation from the night.

I love you she thought:

          I am passionate for you
               I adore you
                      I really, really like you.

I love you, she thought to herself.

"1 is the loneliest number":        

             Silence used to be my lover and best friend,

Until I met you.
            (Miss you boo)