There is an empty space beside me. Why are you not in it?
I faintly remember your requests of tea and toast in the morning. I wish I'd stayed next to you. Then,
Maybe you wouldn't have slipped away.
You left your jacket, but God Himself couldn't pry it from my miserable fingers.
I am left to look out the doorway, projecting my pleas. Nothing comes from my mouth, right when I need it most.
My eyes sting with the sight of you
Standing by my desk
The one you would throw your keys on after arriving home.
You looked at me with a wild stare
The intensity halted my heart's rhythm.
For a minute, I wished it wouldn't start up again.
But the slamming of the door woke it up. That, and the wailing from the next room.
Daniel.
Not yet 3.

A raindrop trickles down the clock's face, and I know I am alone.
The ticking has seized.
Hope is that wet spot on the pavement you see on a hot day. You arrive to find there is nothing.
A man told me something wise about the past.
I wish I'd written it down.
I grab at clouds but to no avail. The moon is as untouchable as ever.
I've stopped trying to hang sadness with a noose.
It is immortal.

I scrubbed my floors of your footprints.
I shredded the notes you left on my coffee table.
I smashed the bottles of wine you left in the kitchen.
I am sober from the intoxication of your kiss.
Never again will I be vulnerable to the way you whispered my name in the early hours of the morning.
That tingling sensation, where your icy fingertips brushed my shoulders, has dulled.
I miss the chill but Hell will suffice.

The blunt force of remembrance is unbearable.
The stripping of my pride would prove less painful.
Someone told me looking back was dangerous.
I finally understand why.
I fear I've offended those around me;
My tunnel vision has ruined my spirit.
I live a stranger to my own presence.
No one told me to knock on survival's over-sized door.
So I didn't.

I am reminded of the valleys I have never seen when I look into the space between reason and defeat.
Sad is the traveller with no umbrella when it rains.
Dewdrops on a lilac give me hope for my future children.
Piana stools bring me grief, why, I know not.
I sing the grasshopper's song to beacon my family but no one replies. Disappointment has become routine.
Mosquitos were once friends but after my sister's graduation, their moods have gone sour.
Monsters are but misunderstood angels.

The wind blows. Cold. Fire.
My senses heightened by primal instint.
The leaves apologize for their indescretion.
It is okay but I let them think otherwise.
My head turns, forever, it turns, but the cowboy rides on.
Swift silence is no match for the tender soul.
A bat lands at my feet.
Forgiveness is ever-present.
The sound of my almost-lover's brother is loud.
Too loud yet my ears demand more.
I ask where the dreamers went.
He knows not but tells me differently.
I sigh. His lies give him peace.
Not I. Never I.

I've noticed your grimace.
Crawl into my arms.
Let your mind unravel to the simplicity of love.
Let yourself live.
Break down the barriers of confinement.
When the world falls short of water, we will set the stars ablaze.
I will look at them with pride and your name will cross my lips.
This time with purpose.