Yes you heard me
I hated this toy
I hated it with a passion
That was fastened
To my chest with seat belts
And burned onto my heart
With a hot branding iron

This toy was a teddy bear
One of teddy roosevelt's passions
With a patent owned by a name
I'll never know
Given to kids who are just beginning to grow
So that they have something to talk to
To let everything flow

My brother named him sgt.grizzly
And he was always busy
Telling this little teddy
The secrets of his life

I kid you not
He told this bear his world
He entrusted and unfurled
Everything to this inanimate
Object that couldn't even answer back

By now you're trying to figure out
Exactly why I hate a thing
That I don't even own
Well when that thing sits on the throne
Of a brother you wish you'd known you'll
Understand

Because everytime my brother and I fought
He brought up this stupid teddy bear
And how it did things I did not
How it listened to him
And didn't try to advise him and it sickened me


What disgusted me more than this
Was the fact that he told a toy
More about himself
Than I will ever know in a lifetime
He told it secrets I've been trying to learn
Since the beginning of his time
He gave that toy more of his heart
Than I have ever seen in him within the 13 yrs I've spent with him

And while he threw at me nothing but ****** and pins
He gave this toy an inside look on his many opinions
And while he tested me constantly
He gave his stupid teddy
A degree in justinology
The study of my brother a study in which I wish I wasn't struggling

While my brother threw me worksheets
Sgt grizzly got a free pass
Even though he did nothing in class
Justin let him pass
With an A
While I struggled to hold a D
While i fought hard
He handed grizzly a security card
And as far as I was concerned
All he ever did was put me on blast

I'll admit it I was actually a little jealous
I still am at times
That a stupid toy
Managed to know more about a boy
Who I spent majority of my life living with than me
And honestly it was insulting

Everytime grizzly got lost
I was the first to blame
Just because I was cursing and speaking negatively whenever I spoke that dreaded name




Honestly I have never before admitted
This to anyone
After all being mad at a toy
Isn't the best way for a teenage boy
To be seen but oh boy
I’ve lost the will to keep this in
So I'm simply going to sit down
And write about the hate I have
For this little stupid toy

Is it worth it, a question many ask me
Is it worth living, worth fighting
Worth trying, because we're all dying
Is it worth being who you were born to be

When the world hates you
No one cares about you
When you're alone and scared
And no one's there to help you through

The answer is yes
Why is that you may wonder
With all of this weight on your shoulders
Think for a moment take a guess

If you don't figure it out
The reason you stand up
Is because you are meant to rise up
You're blessings so many none can count

If you die, you give all of that up
Is it worth losing the chance to be
More than what the world see’s
To end the hurt that fills your cup

You are worth so much more
Than this world will ever know
And your testimony will help another grow
Will you stunt them because you're sore

You hold hearts in your hand
People with dreams to be great
Are you willing to hurt them
Just because you fell in the sand

Is it worth it, to hurt anyone who cares
About whether you live or die
Who are connected to you soul and mind
To do what will bring them tears

If you say yes, then you're selfish
After all that's what suicide is
An act of selfishness
Is that your obsession, your fetish

If you say no, then it's worth living
It's worth trying, it's worth fighting
It's worth staying on earth
But most of all, it's worth giving

All I ask that you try it
Think of your future rather than your test
Know that you're a cut above the rest
Most of all, know that you are worth it

Is it worth it, a question many ask me
Is it worth living, worth fighting
Worth trying, because we're all dying
Is it worth being who you were born to be

When the world hates you
No one cares about you
When you're alone and scared
And no one's there to help you through

The answer is yes
Why is that you may wonder
With all of this weight on your shoulders
Think for a moment take a guess

If you don't figure it out
The reason you stand up
Is because you are meant to rise up
You're blessings so many none can count

If you die, you give all of that up
Is it worth losing the chance to be
More than what the world see’s
To end the hurt that fills your cup

You are worth so much more
Than this world will ever know
And your testimony will help another grow
Will you stunt them because you're sore

You hold hearts in your hand
People with dreams to be great
Are you willing to hurt them
Just because you fell in the sand

Is it worth it, to hurt anyone who cares
About whether you live or die
Who are connected to you soul and mind
To do what will bring them tears

If you say yes, then you're selfish
After all that's what suicide is
An act of selfishness
Is that your obsession, your fetish

If you say no, then it's worth living
It's worth trying, it's worth fighting
It's worth staying on earth
But most of all, it's worth giving

All I ask that you try it
Think of your future rather than your test
Know that you're a cut above the rest
Most of all, know that you are worth it

What is idiocracy
The endless mediocrity
The infinite stupidity
Or the hatred of the minority

It's been said that the majority
Of the human race is filled
Matter fact built in the hands
Of complete and utter idiocracy

Whether it be one's self adoration
Or our unusual alcoholic addiction
It could be our misplaced affection
For hateful racism and segregation

Why is it that we fools
Constantly break the rules
We set in order to protect our jewels
Eliminate wars blood filled pools

We work so hard to find
A way around the quote blind
Ideology of being a kind
Human being, this truth you bind

What ever happened to equality
The value of humanity
Being able to find much beauty
In the world despite its pure insanity

An alarm sounds, to get you out of bed
Though you want to sleep more instead
Then you remember this is it the last day
And that sparks a change in your head

You get up you get dressed
Some put on their best
But you could honestly care less
If you looked like the rest because there soon
Shall be no more tests

Yes my friends, it's the last day of school
You've made your memories
You've shared your testimonies
And proved that in the end you rule

You get on a bus one last time
Or get in a car you've just bought
And take the last drive there
Maybe for the last time in your lifetime

You get to those double doors
The ones you walked through every day
Pushing other kids out of your way
Because you had to get to class
To finally finish the movie you were watching wasn't it episode 4 of star wars

An hour or so later a bell tolls
You and your friends go to the commons
To pull a last minute prank on those poor souls
Filling the whole school with toilet rolls

We exchange little memories
Which we keep in the treasuries
Of our hearts because truly
How can we forget this year's novelties

The principal gives his kids a final goodbye
And we begin to scream and cry
For some of those kids this is the last bye
They'll ever say so they say it with a bittersweet sigh

We stand together one last time
Like the spartan 300 at wartime
Like family in springtime
Preparing for what is to be the summertime

The last bell tolls and the fat lady sings
Her last song all the bittersweet joy it brings
Because despite all the big exams and things
We're still gonna miss this place
Though the door still swings

Bye bye old year, hello summertime
Until next year's gloom
Sunshine and rainbows
Until school once again takes our down time

What is desperation
A hunger, a longing
A need for a new beginning
A call for reconciliation

Is it the worst thing in life
Well that depends on your said desperation
Is it a desperation to hold a loving hand
Or is it a desperation to use a deadly knife

Is it to love or to hate
To equalize or discriminate
To live life or to test fate
To throw away, or appreciate

Some desperations lead to good things
Others reap the seeds of death
Be careful of your desperations
For they determine life's blessings

Patience, the mother of wisdom
The bricks of a kingdom
She and revenge work in tandem
For only patient silence beckons revenge to come


Patient men, some call them spies
Many refer to them as watchful eyes
Keeping record of the times
And reading between the lines


The thing about a patient man is
He waits, and as he waits he watches
As he watches and he learns
And he keeps record of what he learns


The thing about a patient man who learns
Is that you never know what they know
Can't comprehend the possibility of them
Knowing all the wrong you've done though
It's quite possible they know and will show


Show whom you ask
Well the world, unless you do their task
For you see you can't stop the patient man from finding your well hidden plan
Because in the end you're sloppy past
Will always reveal itself to the patient man


The patient man, knowing what he knows
Could potentially rule the world if he chose
Because with the right ammunition he could make his foes
Comply to his wishes despite their moans and groans


For if that patient mans foes don’t foes comply
They may surely die
For not only their sins, but also their lies
For your sins will be revealed eventually, though hide them you may try


Truth be told of the patient man
He is not a perfect man
And must in the end stand
Trial for the sins he planned


For a planned sin is still a sin
For one to come up with the very notion
To break the law and commit treason
Can take some things from you in the final destination


And so people of the earth be mindful
For the patient man learns a handful
From those who plan and spill a mouthful
In the wrong place, us patient men see you as a fool


To expose your sins to the very people
Who could use it to stifle
Any resistance to whatever rule
They impose, or rat you out just because they are cruel


For patients is the mother of wisdom
And though the queen of boredom
Births revenge in her womb
And leads her enemies to their doom

Why is it that you pick up your book and read
That's what a young woman once asked me
What is so good, so perfect, about that book
Why does it put in you such an aching need

My answer was as simple as this
My fair lady, there are many reasons
Why I read as much as I do
Partly I read because books bring bliss

I also read to gain knowledge
Whether it be about myths or about sickness
About the unusual nature of man
Or simply reading up on my future college

I read to gain wisdom
Whether I learn about love
Or how light beats darkness
Or simply how to rule my kingdom

I read because it makes me human
It helps me understand emotion
It even makes me feel them
I learn how to use my gifts, however superhuman

I read because it gives me hope
That love can last forever, that I can overcome
That life isn't hopeless, that all problems
Have a solution, no matter their scope

That light beats darkness, that we are givers
That test become testimonies, that I'm invincible
That men become legends, who fight like Spartans
That scars become blessings, that flow like rivers

That we can rival titans, beat sickness, find love
**** demons, destroy dementors, beat sickness
Protect humanity, transcend reality, run freely
Escape captivity and tyranny, this we rise above

Where one says books are an escape from reality
A thing to run to when you're down and lonely            i believe that it's not an escape from real life
It's a guide to a better life, someone gave to me

So if you have a question about why I read
Here is my answer to you my friend
I read to overcome the trials in my life
I read so that I know how to lead

How dare you denounce this man
Though this man has a great plan
Is it because you yourself are a racist man
Or believe what he has is an outrageous demand

How dare you judge this woman's heart
Despite the fact that she is set apart
Is it because she doesn't walk and talk like you
Or is it because in her life that's just your part

How dare you claw at this child's soul
Even though that soul is fragile
Is hurting children your life's role
Or are children just people you like to hassle

How dare you tangle with this general
Whose armies are pure of heart
Are you the leader of dark cults
Or is it he you use them to hurt.

All of these things you say and you do
Do you not realize that love is your due
Instead of the slings and arrows you threw
How dare you not let love joy and peace reign in you

Full of ups and downs
Filthy roads turn coats
Broken dreams still trying to float
And dark plots with scary sounds

With all of that life is still worth living
Your faith is still worth keeping
Your life is still worth saving
Your light is still worth freely giving

Now you may be wondering
Why I say what I, do what I do
Believe these things to be true
That life with all it's quirks, is worth living

The answer is as simple as this
Your life has just as many good moments
As it has scary thoughts and bad omens
And in the end, your trials give you bliss

Test are in life to give you strength
In the end you grow, your soul shines
You begin to see light in darkness
And, you make a legacy of infinite length

You have to understand that life
Is full of moments where your faith
Is tested by the world's wraiths
Who are put there to give us infinite strife

Its full of imperfection, and quirks
But it also has something called friendship
It has family and it has relationship
Knowing this, you can laugh at earth's jerks

One more thing you must remember when
Life knocks you down to the floor
When troubles break you down to your core
When people's imperfection burns your skin

For every bit of darkness, there is a light
For every broken dream, one stands
For every loner, a man waits with open hands
In wrong, someone wants to help make it right

You don't know what's at stake
You know nothing you're a kid nothing more
Think of it this way young child
Where do you work, what do you make

These words were said to me while
I was at a friends house talking to him
About my personal political views
Specifically, I talked about what I found vile

At first I tried to bite my
Tongue for it was wise
To keep my mouth shut
Less I end up brushing her left eye

be honest, what do you make little guy
And I wish she hadn't said that
Asked me to be honest because
When you ask to be roasted I must comply

You want to know what I make
I as a child make adults do better
Because work harder than them
In this way I raise the stakes

I make inspiration In stories in song
In pictures in buildings, in poetry
In my words and in my works
And most of all, in the friends who tag along

I as a child make memories
Make my situation bend to me
Shape my dreams into my reality
And turn my scars into testimonies

like little david, I make giants fall
With love and light, I make darkness flee
Like alexander the great, I win my wars
And in the end,mi don't hurt at all

Through sickness I survive
In the eye of the storm, I fly
In every fatal fall, I rise
And through it all, I live

I may not make that much money
I may not necessarily have a job
I may not need to pay bills
I may not even pay uncle sam yearly

But in the little that I do
As a child becoming a man
I change the world by being a better me
So enough about me, how about you

Where there was once peace
Now there is malice
Where there was once calm
Now there is only reason to form a fist
Instead of extending my palm

I have tried so hard to sit and let it pass
To watch and to wait like the ghost of Christmas past
But slowly it seems in my waiting the situation only gets worse
And I'm coming to believe that this straw I've reached is my last

I cannot seem to keep peace in my own room
The specific portion of my home
where me, myself and I were able to coexist
And that was good enough
I now have to add a fourth person to that list
That despite my efforts to believe he does what he does out of love, all I ever see is him doing things for his personal benefit

No eye has seen and no ear has heard
The sheer suffering I have lived with since his arrival, seeing as for the most part I have kept it a secret from the rest of the herd

I was always taught that you can't wait
for the world to solve your problems
so I didn't, I took angers bait
Because I tried so hard to shake away the pain
In every other way that would keep the rest of the herd unaware

Compromise never seemed to suffice
I gave him an inch and he took a thousand miles
Talking never worked, reason never worked
It seemed talking to the heard never worked
Everything I tried didn't work so I gave him his inch

But that wasn't enough, so he took a yard
And I said I can live with it
Then he took another yard
And I ****** it up and dealt with it
Then he took a mile and though it shook me
I tried to just live with it

Because in my mind
There was and is nothing I could do
To end his advance or at least ease the pain
Because everything I tried ended up amounting to cow poo

So I'd **** it up
And try to live with it
But the more I ****** it up
The more he'd push buttons and ask for it
The more rope I gave him
The more he demanded of it
And the little I did to push him back
Only strengthened his resolve to go for it

I would put my foot down
and he'd tear that down
And I would just take it
And turn my situational frown
Upside down
Because in my mind, it would all be over soon, and things would calm down

But then a month passed
And then another, and another
And slowly my dealings with my brother
Got worse and worse
Ad he collected more and more dirt
To throw on my head

And when I ask why he kept on his advances
He replied you have your strength now I want and advantage
And when I handed him compromises
what I got from him was something that in my brain sounded like this

I will settle for nothing less
Then your complete and utter obedience
Because no matter what you did for me
In times past I will never accept it when you say you love me so your useless
I will treat you like you're worthless
Because that's how you treat me
Because the amount of good you do for me
Will never compare to the bad things

I will not even consider your good works
Or your peaceful intentions
I want you to hurt  like I hurt
And feel my pain which was your creation
You are the architect of my suffering
So now I shall the be the devil that makes yours
Because it's only ever fair when I win
If I don't win the whole systems rigged
And instead of solving my own problems
I'll  enslave you, make you fix in
And then call you worthless in the process

Yes, I'm  supposed to believe this is false
And it's true when they come I am told to banish these thoughts
Because I'm supposed to believe he does these things out of love
But there is no love in being treated like a slave

I've fought for him more than I've fought against him
Burned my pockets to save him and never used a cent to hurt him
I've have tried to be a bridge before a hindrance
Tried hard to build his character and confidence
Tried to advise him that he doesn't fall into the hole I once did and yet every time we fight all he ever says to me

Is I hate you
I can't stand the sight of you
And you're human yes it's true
But no man can fail the way you do
You never do enough
You'll never be enough
You're a failure and you ****
To everything you build I say ewww yuck
And no matter what you do for me
You'll never do enough to please me
Because you're a worthless slave whose
Only real place is in miseries cave

I want the absolute worst for you
And I wish you the worst of luck
in the dreams you wish to pursue
Support I will not give to you
Love I will not show you
And when you die and no one mourns you
I won't even give you the honor of going to your funeral

This is what I hear every day and night
Evil glares and constant dares to bring on my doom
Millions of attempts to put me in my doom
This is all I hear
Caged In my own room