Last night,
A friend of a friend of someone you know
told me you planned
on buying her a ring.
And I know it's been
One Year
Seven months
Six hours
and
Forty Six minutes
since we last spoke,
But
Even the thought of you saying the words
"I love you"
To someone else is enough
to really make my heart ache.

I tend to put my whole heart into
everything I do.
I can no longer tell
if that's admirable,
or foolish.

I've been spending my days
Working on finding  the balance between
Looking out for others
But also myself.
On not depending on people to make me happy
But finding comfort in the happiness of others.
I'm trying.
It's going to take time, but I really am trying.
All I can say is:
I need to know everything is going to be okay.

What I would give to know what you were thinking.
To slip my way into your mind
and see myself from your eyes.
I want to know what you think when you look at me like you do.
What you feel when you blaze a trail down my arms with your fingertips.
I want to know you recurring dreams,
and nightmares alike.
If you feel as small as I do
when you look up at the night time sky.
I want to know where you go to get away from it all,
because I'd like to go there with you.

I can't stop thinking about it.
The way you graze me as you not so casually walk by.
The awkward tension in the room
So thick you'd need a chainsaw to even leave a dent.
And I can't help from feeling inadequate
And nothing's worse than giving your all
and still falling just short of being worthy
time and time again.
So I sit here and think:
There are plenty of fish in the sea
There's more to life than this small town,
the world's a big place.
And I immerse myself in keeping my mind busy
but I end up thinking about
how I don't want to think about it,
and all progress is lost.
Then I break all the ties
and burn all the bridges I built,
Thinking
You're not a  fish.
You're everything.
And the world isn't as big of a place
as we make it out to be.