supposedly a time of rest
but instead
I am greeted by a dark room
with the flickering of bluish light
coming from somewhere overhead
a figure of grey stands tilted
trying to meet my gaze
with empty sockets where eyes should be
I must not look at it
it claws at the ribbons of skin that hang over its cheeks
ripping at it with ragged nails and fingers of exposed bones
it's face twists in agony
I cannot hear a scream
there is only pain
it did not say a word
it paints a picture of suffering and anguish
it speaks no lie of impending doom
and has no message of reckoning to deliver
it simply stands in silent torture
I no longer fear this nightmare
now I feel pity for it
because if I am afraid I can wake up in the darkness
feel sweat dry on my neck
wipe tears from my face
and grip my soaking pillow while the image fades
but when I slip into the depths of slumber again
it still remains
it has no escape
so it haunts me to pass the time
in its never ending unrest

A future generation
Left out in the cold
Waiting on salvation
Watch their coming hell unfold

Looking out from hopelessness
At the next great depression
Setting out for the impossible
Here comes my generation

smiling frauds
happy lies
thinking they're gods

just moving jaws

small, white deceptions
no consequences
picture perfect perceptions

writing our laws

suits and ties
beneath lying lips and blind eyes
covering the dirt to disguise
freedom denied
to those they dehumanize

My mother said not to talk to strangers.

So I stopped looking in the mirror

and tried to forget the counterfeit face,

the echoed voice of the impersonator.

I'm sorry I spend so much time talking about how lost I am
It has cost me my friends and their respect

I'm sorry that my life is changing too fast for me to process
I won't come out of this with my mind intact

I apologize for the way I grow distant in a conversation,
in the buzz around boyfriends, grades, and prom

I can't say sorry enough for the times I explode for no reason
and then go suddenly quiet and terrifyingly calm

I have no disorder or chemical imbalance
its not a physiological decay or disease
Its a girl questioning why she exists
and trying to figure out what life means

I'm sorry that I'm not always there for you when you need me
I can understand why you left me behind
Just, please
keep the crazy, depressed, confused girl in the back of your mind

Please don't forget that I was once happy
Please remember that I had a personality prone to joy
Tell me about the girl that you used to know years ago
the unshakable faith she had before it was stripped down, destroyed

I wouldn't un- ask these questions
I couldn't forget them if I tried
But I wish that the naive little girl
had kept some of that innocence inside

I talk a lot about reflections
about how I feel when I'm in my head, apart
I hope that you can fogive me
and my broken but healing heart