The words are there
coins
weighing down my tongue

Birds, humming
fluttering behind my jugular
frantic trapped
choking for air,
mine.

Awkwardly large
in my mouth
my tongue fumbling
words stuck in my teeth
leftover, but not the right ones

I spit them out
acid, venom
sizzling holes through the fabric
of the silence between
us

All I can say is
why the ****
is all of this
so
difficult?

(cool, pale night)
the right ones come later
paper thin, delicate
bleeding ink printed on dissolving rice paper
slicing my tongue

my mouth full of tears
they wanted to speak.
their salt coats my tongue,
not yours.

At this point. Right now

I can’t figure out if I’m falling apart

or holding myself together

or just wishing for something else.

The air is saturated with the light aroma of vanilla

and a tinge of red wine

The last notes of “Happy Birthday” hang in the air

each sung in a different tone by the drunken relatives surrounding me

creating a wave of crashing chords, a clashing medley that somehow fits

I grip the table i am sitting in front of

feeling the cool glass surface, almost shatterable but not quite

and the chair legs beneath me that i wrap my feet around

and the candles are lit. they glow like stars set right in front of my eyes

i could almost hold it in its perfection, it does not seem like it would hurt

to cup that flame in the palm of my hand

to spin the stars from my fingertips

they scream “Make a wish!”

my eyes squeeze shut

my breath locked in

so tightly i feel a balloon will burst inside me at any moment

and in one motion i let it whisper out

The candles extinguish

the gray smoke lingering heavy in the air

this moment i could hold forever

the pure bliss of wishes being wished

suspended forever, hanging around me.

and then its gone.