We pray for snow in summer
For the pleasure of cool water on our skin
For the pleasure of being heard by the gods
We pray.

It had been getting late.
Now it was late.
He said, "Don't go. You can do with three hours instead of eight."
I rolled my eyes. "My demeanor would not be great.
And besides," I said. "It's a ten hour tomorrow."
He shrugged with annoyance,
no chance at sorrow.

No hug, and no kiss to bid me goodbye.
But part of me was glad of this,
for, I mean, why?
Why would I get a hug or a kiss
when I am not someone (to him)
who should be sorely missed?

I have never left.
I will never depart.
I live forever there,
with him, in his heart.

"You have heart, girlie," said the lady.
I smiled but I thought,
"Ma'am, my heart is lazy."
I can't make it love
Anymore than I can make it beat,
But I can make it hurt and crack,
Like records on repeat.

I am scared that you have pushed me away;
Deep within yourself, scorned me.
I feel it in the empty space between us,
A hovering buzzing loneliness that grows larger and louder as it feasts on the decay of electric signals we once sent,
I am
Becoming trapped in the vacuum of silence which has followed
Letting the words I think you feel leave me hollowed
And it would be better if I just said,
I don't care,
But it wouldn't be the truth


So there,

So there.

When pushed, I will pull you with me
In whatever direction that might be
If you choose to ignore me,
I will shudder like porous rock in the flow of sudden desert floods.
I will change.
I cannot grow just up.
I must grow out.