and just like the cracks in the pavement that allow a city to breathe, you are only more human whilst pieces of you may break away and it’s hardest to breathe when you’re sitting on your shower floor as if somehow the water will wash away this sadness, as if it’s temporary, this tattoo on your heart will not wash away with warm water or be scratched away with your uncut fingernails and by now i know this kind of thing never works out but i can try to rid of this hurt the way you’ve numbed yourself to feelings, creating them yourself because control is our only subconscious need (or is it to be loved?) i’ll never know the answer until i am desperately loved by someone with a soul as breathtaking as yours. these terrifying feelings have never felt more at home buried so deep inside of my chest and though it hurts, i am now starting to develop a tolerance to the lack of emotional homeostasis. if there is anything I have learned by now it is to take hold of the moment, save the tissues for messes you’ve made (not the clutter created by boys who do not know how to pick up after themselves), nobody is worth the tears and nobody can reassure you of your own worth. just how you think you have reached your worst laying in a puddle of your own vulnerability, when you are most divine in a state of this man-made susceptibility to pain and joy and every feeling you’ve ever experience most likely created in your own mind and they won’t leave until you consciously decide to leave it to the universe, she is your mother and knows best, no sooner & no later.