I don't even know if you see these anymore.
I don't even know if you care.
We used to talk.
We used to be friends.
Of course friends don't ask about suicide and then disappear for weeks.
No that's not what friends do.
Although I should've known.
You are adored by everyone.
And I am not.
But that's just the way it is.

Nine-thousand you said,
Nine-thousand would be
The number of your death.

You told me,
As if I could help.
As if you would let me.

You took the pill to ****
The thin,
Papery feeling.

We became friends,
Through our pain
But you betrayed.

I'm tired you said.
I'm going to sleep you said.
You left me.

Are you okay I said.
Please tell me you're okay.

Failure in my opinion is the single most driving force in our world.
Everything we do is to avoid failure.
But is it so bad?
Failure is the lack of the expected outcome but when the outcome is bad is failure not good?
An attempt at ones own life when met in failure can lead to reasons to live in some.
Many people feel that that suicide is the failure to cope with the "slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune" but no. It means to give up on that which you have lost control of.
For me the success of my failure has shown me that if I try again... I will not fail.

The beast inside,
Eating me alive.
Searching,
Burning,
Consuming my soul.
Begging for release
But, like a declawed cat
Unable to get free.
It planted a seed in the pits of my mind.
A request for help: for freedom.
But as the blood ran down my arms
And I put down the blade,
It decided the taste of my life was worth staying inside.

The ache,
The soul tearing emptiness,
The mind shaking numbness.
A pit with a rope:
All I can do is climb, try to escape.
But I always slip
I fall lower each time
I can't be far from the bottom.
Why don't I just let go.

The first time my life tried to end was a failure. The world decide my time was not yep up.

So they shipped me off to the first prison named hospital they could find expecting a full recovery. This was too good to be true.

A mere seven days later I was declared cured and released into the world that made me want an end. And within the next seven it pushed me back where I belonged.

It is then when I realized I hadn't been given another chance at life; merely the chance to have a better death.