I am lonely tonight
Because although your company remains
Your mind will not hesitate to stray

Metal through wood
And diamond through stone
I walk this path on my own
No hands to hold
No lips to touch
I break my heart just to feel the rush
Feet are throbing but I walk alone
Loss of the days when I used to moan
Chin upward so I don't feel the sting
I've broken us but not everything
Arrow through skin
And cement through glass
I talk to myself as a way to get past
No eyes to watch
No body to warm
I snap my bones as a way to transform
Muscles ache but I push against limits
Now days move in seconds rather than minutes
Smile stronger so they see and believe
You are not the only thing that I need
Fire through paper
And knife through water
I breathe a different air to reduce the slaughter
No words to reach
No heart to keep
I puncture a hole in the lungs of my responsibilites
Taking in carbon monoixde without taste
Searching for meaning so I'm not a waste
Stand a little taller than I did before
Pretending I can achieve a life that's so much more
Teeth through plastic
And hand through chest
I feel destroyed rather than blessed.

Allow me to place you on the pedestal of my stage
And let men gaze at you longingly for days
If you fall then we'll have another on it's way
No need to worry, you were never first place

Sometimes I wonder
If twelve months of moments
Were spent learning or forgetting
Casting old flames to water or gasoline
If we smiled or cried more
Then we ever had before
Sometimes I wonder
If twelve months of memories
Were held close or pushed away
Leaving us with everything or nothing to say                                              
If we took time or wasted it
On each other or on ourselves    
Sometimes I wonder
If twelve months of secrets
Built walls or shattered them
Kept keys or threw locks  
Watched shadowed eyes or widened mouths
Sometimes I wonder
If twelve months of us
Is a fact to be proud of or mourn
If I should consider my heart torn
If sunlight comes in the darkest of moments or if the dark is my home

You took me by surprise
A night in endless February breathing cold whispers down my neck
I shook and watched the lights sparkle lives of curious strangers and thought of your eyes
You were not what I expected
Not what I imagined
But still all I wanted
You were not rambunctious
Not common
But still infinitely fascinating
You took me by surprise
An evening surrounded by the hums of conversation and the constant smell of milky earl grey
I relaxed and watched wordless gestures indicate what a voice could only dream and thought of your lips
You were not what I expected
You were not dull
Not smiling
But still boundlessly thoughtful
You took me by surprise
A twilight setting heated with anticipation and light string violins weighing the room into silence
I beamed and reached my eyes to the parade of tuning winds that put poetry to shame and thought of your hands
You were not what I expected
You were not slight
Not sympathetic
But still continually passionate
A question I ask over and over
A problem I assumed I could solve
You took me by surprise
You were not easy
Not simple
But hopelessly loving
A tired Tuesday morning that quivered without energy and left me stained bloodshot eyes
I yawned and covered my iris with layers of skin as countless voices called names and I thought of your heart
You took me by surprise
You were not  a flame
Not a friend
But an eternal companion
Whom I pray my years of memories are kind to